loveRoy

There are no words in the dictionary to describe the pain and hurt my children and I have experienced while living with an alcoholic husband/father. Everyone reading this post will know exactly what I mean. Currently we are separated and I have no plans for any type of reconciliation. He has called several times in the last few days. I have ignored his calls. He emailed this morning wanting to meet for lunch. I ignored the email. I don't want to see his face, hear his voice, speak his name, or break bread together. I am not intentionally being mean. The thoughts of any contact make me sick. Anyone else having "no contact"?

AllTooSober

I haven't had contact with my ex-A-fiance since I moved out, back in February. Like you, it's not my intention to be mean. I simply wanted a clean break and not dredge up all the misplaced guilt and run the risk of getting sucked back into the manipulative drama he was so good at dishing out.

loveRoy

Last year we separated for 9 months. When the "holidays" rolled around I fell for the manipulation and let him come home. He was so much worse--meaning he was lying to me when he was sober--imagine that! Can't make those same mistakes; the pain and the hurt for my daughters and me is too great. Thanks AllTooSober.

MsGolightly

love, cynay started a thread a few days ago about opinions on whether or not no contact works and why or why we haven't done no contact... it sounds like you're doing great, but i thought perhaps you might want to read everyone's thoughts on the issue! the overall consensus seems to be that it's the way to go!

i know how hard it can be. right now, i'm not doing absolutely no contact, but i'm having very very little! and i'm okay with that.

Cynay

Yep lots of thoughts about no contact.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...re-please.html

denny57

Except for 3 court appearances I have had no contact with AH since November 2005. Has been my saving grace.

((()))

Seeking Wisdom

I can completely relate to your post..I went through this situation so many times the my Ahusband. We owned a business together so after a few days, we were forced to have contact ...

however, I so understand the not wanting to see or hear from the A,
I understand the horrific atmosphere created with an out of control alcoholic living at home with children,
I understand the calm and peace that comes without the insanity of alcoholism being thrust into your world.

And yes, there are no words for the nightmare this disease turns our lives and our children lives into .. it was never part of our life's plan .. and the scars from this tragedy will never completely heal.

Take care of yourself and your children ... may you find peace and serenity.

sthrnraizd

I have only been doing this a couple of weeks. But I have learned, contact for me brings hurt, pain, tears. I cannot do that, I was too hurt. I must move forward not looking back, and he is in my back....

Lots of luck! Do what is good for you, its differenet for each of us but there is a common thread not to be missed and group knowledge and experinece!

fluffyflea

Often times we end up getting sick and tired of being hurt over and over again and the best thing to do is walk away and let them go for our own sakes.


In my experience no contact has been the best thing for my sanity.

Nothing would change if I still had contact with the Ex, I'd still be getting manipulated and lied to.

Earthworm

queenteree

If it helps any, many years ago when I left AH because of his alcoholism, I had not contact with him for months. He went to detox, rehab and remained sober for over 14 years. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
QT

loveRoy

To everyone--thank you. This board has been my salvation. I don't post a lot but I read constantly.

Mr. Christian

In the beginning It was I that sought contact.
What was I to do without her?
Who will I come home to?
Sleep with, eat with.
How will she be alone, will she keep drinking?
Who will I care for 24 hours a day……..what.. who..




After some time, after I learned to hold onto what was still there inside me, I found peace.
But the one thing that did help me, was no contact.

At 1st like I said above it drove me nuts.

The thoughts of not knowing.

Now as the time has past and there is very little contact if any, Im very happy.
Away from the troubles, drama, and plain old drunk nights is wonderful.

I think no contact is very important for the main reason of finding ones self.

fluffyflea

The want to no contact really needs to come out of us which it sounds as if you are really certain about what you want.

Earthworm

Sunflower

((((hugs))))))

TexasGirl

No contact was definitely beneficial to me, especially during the first few months. I have started to answer a few of his calls here and there, and I have decided I'm about to have to cut him out completely again. Every time we speak, he ends up bawling and telling me that I'm his best friend and why can't we talk like best friends. It's painful, and it's bringing me down again. You just do what you need to do to establish some peace in your life. You've done enough for him in the past....this is about you.