I need your strength and wisdom everybody..thank you Taz for your post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: New York-New York
Posts: 6
I need your strength and wisdom everybody..thank you Taz for your post
Hello Everyone...I am new to this forum and today is the first time that I'm posting. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and crack head, and I wont go into all the gory details right now. Two weeks ago B beat me up, he gave me a concussion and he body slammed me. The reason for my beating?? I caught him red handed drinking and using crack again and I told him that I was leaving...he reached the door before I did and he locked it and it's only by the Grace of God that I was able to reach the phone.
Long story short...I told him that I would drop the charges if he checked himself into detox. He did on Tues. and yesterday [wed.] he started calling saying that he did not need to be there and even the docs and councelors agree and that he is being released this morning!! I know that this is B.S. because it is a voluntary detox and he can walk out whenever he wants. But he wants me to think it's because he is superhuman and has conquered his problem in 1 1/2 days!!
I have been dreading this because he keeps calling me and now I have to be at the facility by 10:30 this morning.
I know he's not ready and me reading TAZ'S post about how the alcoholic thinks has REALLY opened my eyes!! That could have been B writing that post!!! Taz, your post has done more for me than anything at this point...I will pick him up and if he doesn't have an inpatient aftercare plan in place, I walk and I will not look back and unfortunately for him his family will do the same. I believe that when you wrote that he has to be stinking of his addictions without the promise of a shower and no food or money and him being TRULY alone [ we all know his other buddies wont help ] then that will be when he will learn.
I don't think that walking away will be as hard as I first anticipated because when he attacked me that night I saw something in him that I never thought him capable...well guess what..he is capable. I know that it's time for me to live my life. I will be posting again and now because of this forum I don't feel so alone. Lisa
Long story short...I told him that I would drop the charges if he checked himself into detox. He did on Tues. and yesterday [wed.] he started calling saying that he did not need to be there and even the docs and councelors agree and that he is being released this morning!! I know that this is B.S. because it is a voluntary detox and he can walk out whenever he wants. But he wants me to think it's because he is superhuman and has conquered his problem in 1 1/2 days!!
I have been dreading this because he keeps calling me and now I have to be at the facility by 10:30 this morning.
I know he's not ready and me reading TAZ'S post about how the alcoholic thinks has REALLY opened my eyes!! That could have been B writing that post!!! Taz, your post has done more for me than anything at this point...I will pick him up and if he doesn't have an inpatient aftercare plan in place, I walk and I will not look back and unfortunately for him his family will do the same. I believe that when you wrote that he has to be stinking of his addictions without the promise of a shower and no food or money and him being TRULY alone [ we all know his other buddies wont help ] then that will be when he will learn.
I don't think that walking away will be as hard as I first anticipated because when he attacked me that night I saw something in him that I never thought him capable...well guess what..he is capable. I know that it's time for me to live my life. I will be posting again and now because of this forum I don't feel so alone. Lisa
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Welcome and i'm glad you are here. I have to ask why you are picking him up, why are you going to the facility? There is always a reason to stay involved. He has stretched the boundary to beating you up and your're talking to him, driving over there and picking him up? Is this a good idea? Where is he staying when he gets out?
He is where he needs to be and he's already breaking your stipulation. Why would he go to outpatient therapy? He didn't pursue help on his own, he agreed so the charges would be dropped. Why bring him back into your life?
He is where he needs to be and he's already breaking your stipulation. Why would he go to outpatient therapy? He didn't pursue help on his own, he agreed so the charges would be dropped. Why bring him back into your life?
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Lisa,
Sorry to here that it has reached this point. Now that the gene is out of the bottle, the chances of it recurring again are very good.
You need to be safe; this is the most important thing.
I have found in the past that they will say or do anything for a short time to get out of trouble.
Is there someone such as family or friends that you can stay with for awhile? A safe place?
Sorry to here that it has reached this point. Now that the gene is out of the bottle, the chances of it recurring again are very good.
You need to be safe; this is the most important thing.
I have found in the past that they will say or do anything for a short time to get out of trouble.
Is there someone such as family or friends that you can stay with for awhile? A safe place?
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Hiya Lisa- I have to agree with the others - why on earth would you pick him up? This guy hit you. You know he's a million miles from recovery ...
I know why you're picking him up ... one of two reasons probably. One: "He has no one but me." Two: "I love him."
First, he'sa grown man. Men from all over the world take care of themselves and their loved ones every day. What makes yours so lame that he can't get by without a woman propping him up?
Let me ask you something - do you hit to show love? When you see a cute dog do you walk up and smack it? When you see a fuzzy kitten do you scratch its little head or do you drop kick it? Do you punch beloved toddlers with medium force?
Hitting and love are about a million miles away from each other hon.
Love
I know why you're picking him up ... one of two reasons probably. One: "He has no one but me." Two: "I love him."
First, he'sa grown man. Men from all over the world take care of themselves and their loved ones every day. What makes yours so lame that he can't get by without a woman propping him up?
Let me ask you something - do you hit to show love? When you see a cute dog do you walk up and smack it? When you see a fuzzy kitten do you scratch its little head or do you drop kick it? Do you punch beloved toddlers with medium force?
Hitting and love are about a million miles away from each other hon.
Love
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome Lisa!
With what I'am going through myself right now-I must say just as the others and I love the way Minnie said it!!! "SAYS WHO?"
Please be safe-it will happen again-and again until you STOP ALLOWING it to happen and walk away! I walked away when my abuse begain and a year later he is still not sober and still getting arrested for contacting me-Taz is a wise one and Mr. Christin too! Along with many others in here-we do not want to hear the hard core truth when someone tells us to walk away because "we love them" PAHTOOEY! I love my life too!!! Stay safe sweets (((Hug))))
With what I'am going through myself right now-I must say just as the others and I love the way Minnie said it!!! "SAYS WHO?"
Please be safe-it will happen again-and again until you STOP ALLOWING it to happen and walk away! I walked away when my abuse begain and a year later he is still not sober and still getting arrested for contacting me-Taz is a wise one and Mr. Christin too! Along with many others in here-we do not want to hear the hard core truth when someone tells us to walk away because "we love them" PAHTOOEY! I love my life too!!! Stay safe sweets (((Hug))))
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Welcome Lisa.
If you are bringing him back I sure hope you keep a phone with you at all times pre-dialed with 9_1_
If you made the threat to press charges then don't, it send a clear signal to him that your threats are to be ignored. A dangerous position for you to be in I would think.
If you are bringing him back I sure hope you keep a phone with you at all times pre-dialed with 9_1_
If you made the threat to press charges then don't, it send a clear signal to him that your threats are to be ignored. A dangerous position for you to be in I would think.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Lisa hon he is going no where if you pick him up but out to buy some crack and booze!!! You have pulled his butt out of a jam again allowing him to drug and drink, he called and told you what to do to help him drug and booze and if you pick him up that is what he is going to do, I know that is exactly what I would have done!
Okay the alkie has spoken from his personal experience, now I will speak from the results of numerous statistics.
If he hit you once he will hit you again!
Every time he hits you it will get worse!
Eventually he will kill you!
The above are facts, not my opinion, facts.
Quick go look in the mirror and ask your self "Do I feel suicidal?" if you answer no then get rid of his sorry woman beating butt.
Okay the alkie has spoken from his personal experience, now I will speak from the results of numerous statistics.
If he hit you once he will hit you again!
Every time he hits you it will get worse!
Eventually he will kill you!
The above are facts, not my opinion, facts.
Quick go look in the mirror and ask your self "Do I feel suicidal?" if you answer no then get rid of his sorry woman beating butt.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Lisa,
Welcome to SR. I hope you will continue to keep posting here and please take a look at the stickys-especially the ones about abuse. Reading these could save your life. What the others have shared is sadly true. Please make every effort to keep yourself safe.
cmc
Welcome to SR. I hope you will continue to keep posting here and please take a look at the stickys-especially the ones about abuse. Reading these could save your life. What the others have shared is sadly true. Please make every effort to keep yourself safe.
cmc
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
hi lisa - welcome. my situation is very similar with the booze and occasional drugging that goes with it...it is so hard. i have just recently walked away so unfortunately i don't have any great advice, but please know you are not alone. you DESERVE better than that....we all do. this is one thing i DO KNOW for SURE. keep posting and stay safe.
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
Hey Lisa .. Welcome to SR and Im glad you are here too ! Im so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here . You must really be struggling with all thats gone on in the past few days . Probably thinking all these posts are making a big deal of this .. it was only one time so its really no big deal .. its not going to happen again .
ITS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN ! . Im sorry and I know its hard , I just left my alcoholic husband in rehab today and told him there was no way he
was coming home when he was released . It gets easier , believe me , the longer
you go without them , the more of yourself you see .. and the more of yourself you see , the more of yourself you like . You will realize before you know it that you are worth so much more and you will question why you ever thought of picking him up in the first place .
Please take care of yourself and whatever your decision , please keep posting
M
ITS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN ! . Im sorry and I know its hard , I just left my alcoholic husband in rehab today and told him there was no way he
was coming home when he was released . It gets easier , believe me , the longer
you go without them , the more of yourself you see .. and the more of yourself you see , the more of yourself you like . You will realize before you know it that you are worth so much more and you will question why you ever thought of picking him up in the first place .
Please take care of yourself and whatever your decision , please keep posting
M
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