My Recovery ~ My naked Truth...
 

1. I should never have gotten involved with Him when I did. I was in the midst of my breakup with an Ex and very emotionally needy.
a. He said he loved me when the other did not.
b. He enjoyed me just as I was, when the other did not.
c. He shown me attention and made me feel special again when the other was not.
2. I wrestled with keeping this new relationship, but couldn't call it off.
a. I got emotionally involved with Him
b. I was intimate with Him
c. I felt loved by Him
3. Red Flags
a. I turned away from the Red Flags, (Obsessive-compulsive; Low-self esteem; Anxiety; Depression; Cheater; Alcoholic)
b. I did not know how to deal with these flags so I placed them behind me under the cushion.
c. They didn't matter because He loved me.
4. Breakup Difficulty
a. Abandonment: I think because my parents abandoned me, and my previous relationship ended with the exposure of lies, cheating, etc, , I was placing everything in this man that said I could trust his word. He wouldn't do these things to me.
b. He did those things to me yet I was so insecure by now I stayed trying to get him "fixed" so everything would be OK again.
c. I couldn't get him fixed, it all came crashing down, my last hope, my new savior, was flawed and because of those things that haunted him I put myself in a place to be hurt again. Hurt more than anyone else has ever done.
d. I knew every step I was taking but denied each step as I took it....now that's messed up.
e. If I had taken myself off the market to recover from my failed relationship, I wouldn't have put myself in His path.
f. The unfortunate part is He knew how hurt I was and how much I needed/wanted to be loved. And HE knew (even if he was in denial) he had problems, he even told me as much except for the alcohol. Which actually was the main issue that caused most of the drama we lived.
5. Time
a. I see the importance of time, it allows so much to work itself out, but I/we tend to play with it's hands, or ignore it completely.
b. Time given it's chance probably wouldn't have led me down the road I created.
c. I cheated time out of it's given right to help bring healing, stability, and clarity to my thoughts...
6. Lord Grant me wisdom not to repeat my past!

:Val004:

A friend of mine has a story about asking God for a relationship and God saying no... when I get home I will try and find it for you.

We all do it hon, in different relationship you could put my name there and know I probably did the exact same stuff...

We do learn, we do grow and your never alone in this now...

I hope that felt good, getting that out there. The more I spoke my truth, warts and all, the lighter I felt and became.

Much love to you.

If I can admit and see my errors, then I can plan against making them next time.
If I choose not to admit or say them, I'm bound to find that same hole again.

Very true.

You cant fix something that you dont know is there. I would have to say though.... If I put out the "naked truth" about my codie behavior... the other Mods would have to trash it cuz it would depress everyone.... Your truths are not so bad hon.... You see them, You are growing and finding what is true for you... sounds like good recovery to me.

same here---stay strong....

Good venting@ First step toward taking your power back and not making him the higher power.............stop capitalizing him and he. He's only a man and a sick one at that.


Earthworm