My Emancipation
 

The time has finally come to wake up and see things for what they are with my AH...OVER. Please excuse my rant here, but I need to get this out. I can't possibly keep the latest drama bottled up or I will burst!

At the end of Feb., my husband finally lost his job due to his drinking and how it affected his ability to perform, or in this case, not perform. He went to rehab for 2 weeks. When d/c, he stayed at a sober-living house for a couple of days during which time he started drinking less than 24 hrs after being released from rehab. Five days after being released from rehab, he drove from N. Florida to Savannah, GA to meet a Sales Manager at the airport to interview with for a new job. "Coincidently", some hooch that he met in rehab lived in Savannah and he decided to stay w/ her overnight ("on her couch") instead of going to a hotel. All to save money, of course, because money was tight w/o him working. The next day, after his interview, he drinks himself silly in GA and winds up running his truck into a cement divider in the street (no police around, did not get caught!?!) and drove himself to the hospital and was admitted with a BAC of .387. The next day, like the ever-faithful doormat, I drove to Savannah and picked this fool up and brought him home. In and out of detox 2 more times in one week. Back to inpatient rehab, checked out after only 2 days. More binge drinking. Ten days of sobriety. A 2nd interview for the job, in Miami (we live in Jacksonville). He was offered the job with, get this, an annual salary of $120,000 (with bonus) PLUS expenses! Are you kidding me? I know money is not everything, but this guy is teflon. Oh, and that wrecked truck, he reported it as a hit and run in the middle of the night. The market value of the truck was $2600 more than he still owed. He made money with the settlement from the insurance company!

He left for Miami on Sunday to start the new job on Monday. He was set to live in a fantastic sober-living house in South Miami Beach. Our agreement was that he would work on recovering, I would do the same, and we would see how things went as far as me ever moving down there. This is where I am clearly clinging onto the "dream" of a normal life and pushing out of my mind the insanity of the past 2 months. Monday I speak to him at 6:30 PM. He's on his way back to the house. Work was great. He seems upbeat and in a good mood. He says he's picking up some of the guys from the house to go to an AA meeting. Great, right? He calls at 10:30 PM confused, lost in Miami with no map and clearly slightly drunk. He demands I give him directions using MapQuest. I, of course, try to help. He is not able to get himself home and blames me. I tell him to call the house and get directions from them. Hello! They live there. I am 5 1/2 hours away.

Fast forward to this morning. His cell phone goes right to voice mail. At 11 AM I get a call from the man who owns the sober-living house. He had to pick my crazy husband up from the police station in the middle of the night because he got himself good and drunk and could not find his way back. He went to someone's door in the middle of the night for help and they called the police for fear they were being robbed. The police brought him to the station. He was not arrested for a DUI because the keys to his stupid truck were not in the car or ignition - No "intent" to drive. The man that owns the house brings him to detox in the middle of the night and tells him to call him in the AM and he will help him get back into rehab. My husband walks out of detox at 9AM w no car - It was taken back to the sober-living house. I hear this and rush to the bank. I w/d all but $500 from our joint account and put it into my personal account to which he has no access. He called into work and left a message for his boss that he had fractured his ankle while playing basketball and would not be in today. This afternoon, HR from his company calls me because they cannot reach him on his cell phone to see how he's doing and when he will be able to return to work. I plan dumb. His cell phone still goes directly to voice mail. No one has heard from him all day. He has been on the streets of Miami with no phone since early this AM. His car and belongings are still at the sober-living house. I check the bank again this evening. No transactions have been made on our joint account today other than the w/d I made this morning. Is he dead somewhere. Is he in the hospital, or jail. I have no clue.

I am done. And I don't give a rat's ass if he ever gets sober. I am still done. Call me a bi$#h, but I will not take on the responsiblilty of caring for a broke, unemployed drunk. No way. I am waiting to hear back from the courthouse about possibly getting a Mediator to oversee divorce proceedings and help me with the paperwork. No children, no real assets and hopefully it will be uncontested by his drunk ass. I really can't afford an attorney.

I seriously cannot even believe what has gone down in the past 60 days alone. Forget the past 10 years! Of course, I am worried that he is laying dead in a ditch somewhere in Miami and will be picked over by buzzards before anyone finds him. But I am still mad. Hopping mad.

I have read many posts in recent weeks by people wondering if they should marry their alcoholic boyfriend/girlfriend or leave the realtionship. I hope my story can help these people clearly see the possible consequences of untreated alcoholism. I am 35 and looking at starting over again, single!

Blessing to my fellow members of SR. I need to cool off before I burst!

Wow, quite a story...you are not a b*tch, you are one smart cookie, you have no real financial ties, sounds like a good time to move forward.

Take some deep breath, it will help.

Oh What, Looks like the bolt of lightening has finally struck you!!!

Good for you!!! and you aren't a "bi$#h"!!

Vent away! I want to hear it!!!

WOW what a ride this guy has you on!!!He has everything right infront of him and he is blowing it all again and trying to take you down with him!Its a shame he can't stop-but looks like he is not going to.
I too hpe he is not laying in a ditch! But its true WE get to do all the worrying while they are out partying--they always bounce back somehow! You sure have a right to be angry.
The only light I see in this story is that he HAS been in/out of rehab so much--sounds like it is on his mind--or he wouldnt even try once....hang in there!

I love your determination. I say you find a way to be worth $120k ;)

Whataboutme - there just comes a time when enough's enough. It sounds like that time has come for you. I am your age, and starting over too. Sometimes that makes me sad, but staying with these guys would really ruin our lives. You did good today.
hugs
neg

sounds like you are making the best decision for you, which is the main person you need to care about. Best of luck.

You are not a $itch.

You "follow the rules" and work hard. You deserve to reap the benefits thereof, not have someone who breaks the rules and skips out ruin it for you both.

I'm your age too and at the starting line again - we still have plenty of time to develop lengthy, healthy relationships :ValB002:

whataboutme - i am one of the engaged ones....thanks for the glimpse of my potential future...i too, am just about your age and will soon find myself starting over....so tough to give up that dream of the life you were supposed to have together...please keep posting/venting....prayers and hugs to you...k

Oh, good grief. He just called me from a pay phone and after rambling for a couple of minutes he gave me the old "I'm sorry for all I've put you through over the years. Tell my parents I love them." To which I responded, "Tell them yourself." and I hung up. This won't be the 1st, 10th or even 100th time he has used the suicide guilt trip on me. Of course, I worry that he might make good on his word this time... It doesn't sound like he's been drinking. I doubt he has the guts to do anything drastic sober/hung over.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Tell me to just let it be and go to bed. What could I possibly do anyway. I don't even know where he is.

I hate this. I hate all of this. I hate living like this. Boy, I have a lot of built-up hate, don't I?

hey whataboutme
 

i'm so happy you've reached this point. good for you!!! i think about you all the time cause i know your in a similar situation as me. i am wishing you the very best :) stay strong dear friend. reach for the stars,go for YOUR dreams.

go to bed
 

you need the rest. not a thing you can do. prayer, that's it and i've already done that for you so..;)

i have gotten the suicide guilt trip several times too...and am all too familiar with the worrying about whether or not he will be OK. of course he will. THEY always are!!!! wow! i am glad i have been spending more time here - very eye opening....nice to know i am not alone! sweet dreams, W!!!

the solution is to call 911 if you're really worried about it. I think you handled it just right. remember a lot of the alcoholic drama is just about attention.

I agree, oh the drama. I couldn't call 911 if I wanted to. He was at some random pay phone and I don't know where he is. I doubt he knows where he is. He's probably expecting me to pack up my truck and drive almost 6 hours to search for him. Hey, Miami only has a population of about 5 million people, and I've got a few hours to kill.

Someone said it best in response to one of my posts a few weeks ago - "Your husband has literally drank himself stupid."

Don't forget to bring a flashlight yuk yuk yuk ;P

WAM - i got angry at your husband just reading your post!

at least you've reached your breaking point... it doesn't sound as if he's going to get better, and even if he is - so what? it doesn't sound like there's a whole lot of love or trust left there anyway.

time to move on! i know how hard this must be for you, but it can't be any harder than the past few months have been (maybe now you can catch up on all of the sleep you missed while you were worried about him!)

Hahaha!!!

sorry - the last post was directed at wants outs flashlight comment....i don' think anything else here is humorous....

What you have here is a moment of clarity. Embrace it and keep it warm, because it will be in a short time the cold manipulation will try to grab it from you.


You have a little power here growing inside you which is a good thing.