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relationships with recovering alcoholics...

Old 04-24-2007, 06:04 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Location: Montreal, QC
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I wanted to say thank you for anyone who took the time to answer me.
I was looking for information, guess I got a bit more than I bargained for... =P

But honestly, thank you. And yes, maybe some of this is harsh, but I've always prefered harsh honesty to coddling, lying and manipulation. Ironically, honesty is a little what got me sucked in I guess. Seeing as the last guy I dated had a bit of a creative definition of the word... guess I was just relieved he was being honest, even if it was about something negative.

I think I just needed a good shake, problem has been that seeing as there was always a chance that my friends would encounter him, I didn't feel I could really talk to them about this, because his alcoholism is his story to tell, not mine.

So as much as there were some beautiful aspects to his personality, manipulation (intentional or not) is not something I am willing to put up with, it bothers me a bit that I wasn't able to see it better... and I can't say I'm not dissapointed. (there is a little too much irony to the fact that I finally get up the courage to ask someone out and THIS is what comes of it).

I'm glad I decided to post on here before I saw him again, gives me a whole lot more to think about, I think I should be able to take the best decision for me... I definitely don't need more drama in my life... and he obviously needs his time to recover.

So thank you, definitely glad there are groups like this for people to turn to.

Nat
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Old 04-24-2007, 06:12 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Hello mahym.

As a recovery alcoholic. I needed time the sort a lot of things out.
I wasn't ready to get involved in anytype of commitment within
the first years of being sober. AA also suggested that I don't
make major changes or get into a relationship within the first year.

I needed to establish a foundation for my reocvery.
My recovery has to be the most important think in my life.
I had to do for myself, not the family, job, or whatever.
First thing first...without my recovery everything else is piontless.
I suffer from alcoholism and as of today, there is no known cure.
It takes time 6 months is relatively overnight. I spent years drinking.
I still didn't know now to process a lot of my emotions in the first years.
I had a hard time expressing myself...just a lot of learning how to live
a healhty life.

Anyway...I love women in general. Seriouly, I can fall totally
in love with a woman becuase of her scent and loose myself in her.
I can't live with them and I can't live without them.
Dating was a step forward, I didn't want to get ahead of myself
I just needed time to live with myself. Sometimes between going
to work and attending meetings, reading, jounaling, working with
other recoverying alcoholics....time flys.
Anyway, everyone have certain guildlines we try to follow in one own's
recovery...

Yeah...the god thing was cool, but skin feels good too.

I hope that helps
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Old 04-24-2007, 07:03 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Mahym, don't beat yourself up for not seeing it. It's subtle. I say give yourself some applause for doing the asking. How on earth am I going to learn if I'm not willing to take the risk? Bravo to you!
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Old 04-25-2007, 12:59 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Real short, but from a long period of many experiences learned the hard way and no it wont be different for you if you try it yourself: Dont hang out alone with him again, keep in touch is fine just not in a setting where you might romance again. Learn what codependancy means, you will learn about yourself in your own recovery as he is on his, and if you can do this, you'll find an awareness about yourself and the world like you've never knew existed and you will be filled ith joy.

Wishing the best loves to you.
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Old 04-25-2007, 06:06 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Codemaster,

Thanks, actually the idea of no going out with him alone was one that I had come up with early on, seemed that would easily put me in dangerous territory. So it helps to hear someone else bring it up.
As for codependency, guess it's something I need to think about. I am usually the overly independant one in relationships, but I can see that I have already invested more energy and time into this than seems reasonable. So I'll do my research. Thanks
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Old 04-25-2007, 06:10 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I learned that just being with the right type of person could bring out a side of me that I never thought existed. Relationship dynamics are fascinating.
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