Wow, I admire your kids strength. I know it's hard for a spouse to deal with the craziness but it's heartbreaking the effect it has on kids. They shouldn't have to deal with this at their age, some kids never see addiction first hand, why should they? So sad, and their father is too blind to see what he's done. But I can really relate to the birthday party problem, I can't remember who many holidays, b'days, vacations were ruined. We KNOW they can't stay sober, we've BEEN there. We can't give them the benefit of the doubt because we know better. I'm always the negative, bitchy one who never gives him a break. No, give ME a break, I know how it is. And the kids do too.

Now that your children are grown adults-and obviously everyone is affected and upset about your AH--maybe a family meeting would be a good idea--maybe an intervention?Not inviting him only temporarily solves the issue for one day--there are always going to be holidays and birthdays...