im back,for different reasons
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
im back,for different reasons
havent been here for a very long time.....guess cuz i finally got over the ex alcoholic boyfriend. it was probably easier for me to move on from this site,then for some of you because our relationship wasnt a live in one,and it was a fairly short one one. tonight i am here,because actually i should be on the other boards...family and friends of addicts.
i spoke of my son here briefly a few times. since he hasnt lived with me for quite a long time,i dont see a lot of what goes on,and i dont have to deal with a lot of what goes on. but this morning,i called him to invite him and his girl over,and thus my anguish began yet again.
the short of it is,i sat in the er with him for four hours....apparently he decided to do as the nurse said "a whole lot of drugs" last night.
at the moment,i am frustrated not only with him,but with the whole system,hospitals,well u name it.
when i brought him in there,i told them that he had told me he had gotten hit in the face and had been passed out.....when i brought him there,his face was just alittle swollen,he had said he threw up a few times, and he was totally incoherent.suspecting there was more to it (drugs,drinking),i told them they should screen to see exactly WHAT drugs. upon completeing a cat scan that they said was normal,and being ready to release him,i asked what they had found in the labs. they first told me they could not tell me...that whole confidentiality thing. in my head,i was screaming virginia tech.........i mean, c'mon if u cant tell a PARENT that their kid is on drugs,do you really think when they are feeling better,that most times they are going to admit and go get help???? now,i know that even with the parent knowing,they still probably wont get help unless they want to,but im sorry i believe it is the familys right to know.....so i keep that screaming to myself and just ask her if she cannot go get his permission to talk to me?? so two of them close the door to his room for five or ten min,come out and tell me that they did not do ANY labs because he admitted he had done ALOT of drugs last night. and he seemed like he wanted help and was open to detox. cocaine was casually mentioned in the scenerio of the whole scheme of things.but i am still left wondering what "A WHOLE LOT" meant exactly...... upon his release,with whatever it was he had taken,and the shots of some non narcotic pain med and nausea med (which they said can cause sleepiness,and i was stunned because i thought that with a possible concusssion the last thing you would want to do is make someone sleepy!),he was still so out of it.
i dont know if i made a mistake by not taking him immediately to the detox/intake place...his girlfirend met us there and took him home. i have not had to deal with any of this for years....hes been out of my house for a very long time, and ive not had anything like this happen with him for a very long time. part of the reasons i dont know much of his life,is because i have detached myself somewhat for the fact of i can never get thru to him,never can talk to him because he gets so defensive,angry,etc etc.
i did finally get thru to him about a year ago and he got on meds for his ocd and mood swings. but from what i hear and sometimes see,he will go off the meds,and do this sort of crap.
there was no point in my trying to say anything to him today,because he was so incoherent it wouldnt have been heard or remembered anyway. so i was thinkin i would try and talk to him tomorrow........now,im not sure how to handle it. i will be saying all the same things i had said a illion times........sometimes with him having good intentions and slipping back,or sometimes ending up with us just getting angry at each other.
im just totally frustrated and feeling sorry for myself as to why i have had to deal with so much **** in my life................and i just dont know what the hell to do and not do. he is 27 years old,this has been an off an on thing for the past eleven years,complete with the stays in rehab/mental facilities........................................ ..................i know,there are no easy answers,no easy solutions....i just needed to vent.......................................
i spoke of my son here briefly a few times. since he hasnt lived with me for quite a long time,i dont see a lot of what goes on,and i dont have to deal with a lot of what goes on. but this morning,i called him to invite him and his girl over,and thus my anguish began yet again.
the short of it is,i sat in the er with him for four hours....apparently he decided to do as the nurse said "a whole lot of drugs" last night.
at the moment,i am frustrated not only with him,but with the whole system,hospitals,well u name it.
when i brought him in there,i told them that he had told me he had gotten hit in the face and had been passed out.....when i brought him there,his face was just alittle swollen,he had said he threw up a few times, and he was totally incoherent.suspecting there was more to it (drugs,drinking),i told them they should screen to see exactly WHAT drugs. upon completeing a cat scan that they said was normal,and being ready to release him,i asked what they had found in the labs. they first told me they could not tell me...that whole confidentiality thing. in my head,i was screaming virginia tech.........i mean, c'mon if u cant tell a PARENT that their kid is on drugs,do you really think when they are feeling better,that most times they are going to admit and go get help???? now,i know that even with the parent knowing,they still probably wont get help unless they want to,but im sorry i believe it is the familys right to know.....so i keep that screaming to myself and just ask her if she cannot go get his permission to talk to me?? so two of them close the door to his room for five or ten min,come out and tell me that they did not do ANY labs because he admitted he had done ALOT of drugs last night. and he seemed like he wanted help and was open to detox. cocaine was casually mentioned in the scenerio of the whole scheme of things.but i am still left wondering what "A WHOLE LOT" meant exactly...... upon his release,with whatever it was he had taken,and the shots of some non narcotic pain med and nausea med (which they said can cause sleepiness,and i was stunned because i thought that with a possible concusssion the last thing you would want to do is make someone sleepy!),he was still so out of it.
i dont know if i made a mistake by not taking him immediately to the detox/intake place...his girlfirend met us there and took him home. i have not had to deal with any of this for years....hes been out of my house for a very long time, and ive not had anything like this happen with him for a very long time. part of the reasons i dont know much of his life,is because i have detached myself somewhat for the fact of i can never get thru to him,never can talk to him because he gets so defensive,angry,etc etc.
i did finally get thru to him about a year ago and he got on meds for his ocd and mood swings. but from what i hear and sometimes see,he will go off the meds,and do this sort of crap.
there was no point in my trying to say anything to him today,because he was so incoherent it wouldnt have been heard or remembered anyway. so i was thinkin i would try and talk to him tomorrow........now,im not sure how to handle it. i will be saying all the same things i had said a illion times........sometimes with him having good intentions and slipping back,or sometimes ending up with us just getting angry at each other.
im just totally frustrated and feeling sorry for myself as to why i have had to deal with so much **** in my life................and i just dont know what the hell to do and not do. he is 27 years old,this has been an off an on thing for the past eleven years,complete with the stays in rehab/mental facilities........................................ ..................i know,there are no easy answers,no easy solutions....i just needed to vent.......................................
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
My A son is also 27---grown men who still don't get it. Mine has been sober for over 1/2 year now and is o n meds for bi polar...and yes like you son I believe he has gone off his meds once and slipped--but I see he has picked himself back up(again) I too have had years of this and I get pissed just like you do--when does it end?????He was addicted to drugs then alcohol so I post on more than one forum myself.
Once they are in their 20s the medical people will no longer answer your questions---but I have found the more trained the medical personel is with alcohol/drug patients the more they will let you in on.Within reason.
Yes they are men but intellectually they are still extremely immature I mean when you have a problem with addiction at 15 you don't end up a normal 27 year old.I marvel at your ability to detach so well-I still struggle with that.
You know even if you had all the answers it wouldn't make a difference--he would still do what he wants anyway.When they are younger we can get them the care they need.I agree with you about''hello Virginia Tech'' he also has some mental issues and you should be allowed as a parent to know these things...but it is a law-confidentiality--what a joke.
I hpe you are feeling better and try not to be so hard on yourself.
I hope you choose to keep posting here--I could use another parents eye view of all this.....stay strong--you did the right thing by getting him to the ER and staying there to make sure he was ok.....I would confront him soon about going back for a short stay in a unit--but that is just my opinion......praying for you both....
Once they are in their 20s the medical people will no longer answer your questions---but I have found the more trained the medical personel is with alcohol/drug patients the more they will let you in on.Within reason.
Yes they are men but intellectually they are still extremely immature I mean when you have a problem with addiction at 15 you don't end up a normal 27 year old.I marvel at your ability to detach so well-I still struggle with that.
You know even if you had all the answers it wouldn't make a difference--he would still do what he wants anyway.When they are younger we can get them the care they need.I agree with you about''hello Virginia Tech'' he also has some mental issues and you should be allowed as a parent to know these things...but it is a law-confidentiality--what a joke.
I hpe you are feeling better and try not to be so hard on yourself.
I hope you choose to keep posting here--I could use another parents eye view of all this.....stay strong--you did the right thing by getting him to the ER and staying there to make sure he was ok.....I would confront him soon about going back for a short stay in a unit--but that is just my opinion......praying for you both....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
thank you both so much...i had a couple very brief conversations with him today....and i just told him how worried and concerned i was....for so many reasons. no arguing,no drama...just statements......hoping less is more................on the detach thing....yes,i am quite good at it,with other people,too that ive had to be....but i only make it SEEM easier than it is. I honestly dont think people realize the struggle i go thru.
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