please give me stregnth
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
please give me stregnth
hi all - well, i did it. i left. i have now told him that unless he is willing to stop drinking completely, i can't stay anymore. it is like jekyl and hyde when he is drinking vs. not drinking...and he is beginning to get mean and verbally abusive when he is drunk. of course, he conveniently blacks out and doesn't remember what has happened and then accuses me of being "dramatic" when i recount it the next day. it has become painfully clear that i cannot stay with him if he is going to continue to drink. i just know he is on a downward spiral now and i cannot go along for the ride. i told our minister today what is going on and that he would not be seeing me there with my A any longer. as mad as i am, i am also so sad. i guess i need to grieve for the life we were "supposed" to have together that is impossible if he continues drinking. i do really see that now. staying mad will get me through the next few days, i think. it is in the days that follow that it will be hard to be strong....because i know he will be calling me. of course, he can't just show up here because it is 2 hrs away and he doesn't have a license because of dui. a blessing of sorts, i guess. i just hope and pray that something tragic doesn't happen to him as i fear it might. i am trying to just trust that it is in God's hands and worry about myself and my son (again, he has not been exposed to any of the craziness....i made sure of that). well , please pray for stregnth for me..........i know i will need it!!!! thanks again for listening...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
It is hard kglast...very hard at times. I'm sorry you have to go through all this.
When you need some strength, just come here. We'll all be happy to give you some support...and try some Alanon mtgs. too if you already haven't!
Don't worry about tomorrow, take one day at a time...just take one day at a time.
Keep coming back!
When you need some strength, just come here. We'll all be happy to give you some support...and try some Alanon mtgs. too if you already haven't!
Don't worry about tomorrow, take one day at a time...just take one day at a time.
Keep coming back!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I know it's different for everyone, but for me it was only hard for the first few weeks. Once I got a taste of serenity and alcohol was no longer a factor in my life, there was NO way I was willing (or even tempted) to return to my old life.
Yes, the calls will come fast and furious for a while. The easiest way to deal with that is to avoid picking up the phone and refrain from opening any of his e-mails.
Like ICU already said, when you have a weak moment just let us know. We'll be here for you as others were here for me in my time of need. It's my way of "paying it foward."
Yes, the calls will come fast and furious for a while. The easiest way to deal with that is to avoid picking up the phone and refrain from opening any of his e-mails.
Like ICU already said, when you have a weak moment just let us know. We'll be here for you as others were here for me in my time of need. It's my way of "paying it foward."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
kg, i know how hard it must be to go through this. like those before me said, just come here when you're sad/angry/wanting to pick up the phone. now that you know you deserve better, i think you'll stick to your guns on this one!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Good luck, kg. I know what you mean about worrying what will happen to him. Try to keep in mind as long as he's active, things will happen to him whether you are there or not. You don't control it.
Hang in there and take good care of you.
Hang in there and take good care of you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
You have to take care of YOU.........and hopefully he will come to his senses and take care of himself. I know it is hard, but keep coming here, going to al-anon.........it WILL get better. Much love to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
I am going through the same exact situation with my AH. He too has gotten very verbally abusive and down-right bratty when he drinks. He will all but hold his breath if he does not get exactly what he wants, exactly when he wants it. Living this way is exhausting. Good for you for setting your boundaries and doing whats best for YOU!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Yes, it is very hard. And you are probably right - the anger and the sadness will probably keep you strong for a little while. But for me, I remember the sadness of having to face the reality that the life I'd planned/hoped to have with my A is alot of what sucked me back in. Yes, he did his fair share with the words and promises and temporary actions - but I am the one that allowed it to get to me.
In hindsite, I don't know if I was really ready to "let go". That was one of my hardest hurdles.
All I can tell you from my experience is that yes, it's indeed hard. In hindsite, there are things that I wish I would have done differently to make it easier - but I didn't know then all that I know now. As with an A's addiction - it is the same with us - it's a process.
You didn't get where you are overnight- and it's not going to be fixed overnight. So be loving and patient with yourself and work on your recovery.
Sending you lots of hugs.
In hindsite, I don't know if I was really ready to "let go". That was one of my hardest hurdles.
All I can tell you from my experience is that yes, it's indeed hard. In hindsite, there are things that I wish I would have done differently to make it easier - but I didn't know then all that I know now. As with an A's addiction - it is the same with us - it's a process.
You didn't get where you are overnight- and it's not going to be fixed overnight. So be loving and patient with yourself and work on your recovery.
Sending you lots of hugs.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hey KG. Good for you for doing what you needed to do to get yourself away from his toxic behavior.
Like others have said, it IS hard. I left about four months ago. And it does get easier. But it's still a struggle, because there's so much to deal with...but there was no other choice as far as I am concerned.
Like you, I finally realized that he was going down fast and wasn't willing to get help - so I had to leave in order to save myself. I couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore. And he was so out of control, I felt like we were living in the back of a speeding pick-up truck heading towards a cliff...does that make sense?
Staying with them doesn't do them any good either. Like so many recovering A's have told us here at SR, the only thing we can do to help our A's is to leave them and offer to help them get into detox/rehab if they want to go.
You did good.
Keep your boundaries in place. Love yourself and your boy
Like others have said, it IS hard. I left about four months ago. And it does get easier. But it's still a struggle, because there's so much to deal with...but there was no other choice as far as I am concerned.
Like you, I finally realized that he was going down fast and wasn't willing to get help - so I had to leave in order to save myself. I couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore. And he was so out of control, I felt like we were living in the back of a speeding pick-up truck heading towards a cliff...does that make sense?
Staying with them doesn't do them any good either. Like so many recovering A's have told us here at SR, the only thing we can do to help our A's is to leave them and offer to help them get into detox/rehab if they want to go.
You did good.
Keep your boundaries in place. Love yourself and your boy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I am glad he is too far away to annoy you--May I suggest a answering machine where you monitor all messages/calls? He does have a right to your number because you have a son together--but you should only talk to him now re:issues that have to do with your son--like child support or any problems your son may have--other than that-do not talk to him.
He will be soon calling day and night whinning about how much he wants you back and loves you--then after a while it will be hateful like'you bitch'etc...They are all the same--it's classic.
If anything this will give you time alone to think about what'you'want to do...I think you are too good of a person to be treated that way by him and are very brave for making this choice.
Nothing traumatic will happen--I still remember my grandmother telling me after I made a comment about my EXAH-that I hope when he was out he would run into a tree die and do the world a favor----she just laughed and told me''never will happen""I hope you are not waiting for that""''Leave him now and don't look back"" smart lady--I still miss her so much....
He will be soon calling day and night whinning about how much he wants you back and loves you--then after a while it will be hateful like'you bitch'etc...They are all the same--it's classic.
If anything this will give you time alone to think about what'you'want to do...I think you are too good of a person to be treated that way by him and are very brave for making this choice.
Nothing traumatic will happen--I still remember my grandmother telling me after I made a comment about my EXAH-that I hope when he was out he would run into a tree die and do the world a favor----she just laughed and told me''never will happen""I hope you are not waiting for that""''Leave him now and don't look back"" smart lady--I still miss her so much....
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