ah and rehab . where to begin ...
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
ah and rehab . where to begin ...
so heres the situation so far .. ah was being transferred from detox to rehab on wednes mrng this past week . (he was in detox from monday of the wk before , still dont know the true story as to why it took so long) . He called me in the middle of a panic attack , he had never had one before .
He couldnt catch his breath , was saying crazy things like , 'i cant breath' 'they want to send me to a hospital for evaluation' 'they want to lock me up' 'dont let them take me' 'i love you and nd to know that you are going to be there for me' ... blah blah blah .. I calmed him down by telling him he was having a panic attack , catch his breath , if they want you to go to the hospital then go , it cant hurt .blah blah blah .
It fell apart after that . they transferred him to the psychiatric ward of a hosptial about 30 miles away . i called to check on him in the afternoon , they said they gave him a shot and he was sleeping and somebody would call me back . he actually called me and was talking in circles , saying they were discharging him & he couldnt go back to rehab because rehab wouldnt take him and i had to go get him . I told him no , that i was going to get him and its ridiculous that rehab wouldnt let him back . i researched .
what i found was that he was evaluated in the psyciatric hospital (he suffers from pstd & depression) they wanted him to sign himself in there for further evaluations and he refused . Rehab will not take him back because he now has drugs in his system (cymbalta and seroquel) and because the recommendation is psychiatric care , they cannot do that for him there .
His outpatient program also wants nothing to do with him since his recommendation again , is psyciatric care . so he walks out of the hospital wednesday nght without being discharged . head nurse calls me and tells me she called the police and they would be looking for him but he was on foot so cant get to far . he left me a msg on my cell phone at the same time i was talking to the nurse (cell was upstairs so i didnt hear it) when i listened to the msg he was making all these demands , he needed his truck , he needed money , he needed phone numbers , what a b@#$! I was for not supporting him and letting him come home .. blah blah .. i have to admit i was a little nervous knowing he was out there and not in a good state of mind but not too nervous because i went to sleep . got another msg in the mrng from the nurse that he was back .
well he left again on thurs afternoon . last time i spoke to him was about 3 pm and it was a series of conversations where he again talked in circles .
im not sure what to do now . he was never physically abusive so im not afraid of him in that way . i am afraid of him showing up and saying ridiculous things to or in front of our kids . im trying so hard to protect them . and the other side of me is afraid that he is dead in a ditch somewhere .
sorry this is so long . complicated story . i appreciate you reading it and look forward to any advice you can give me !! aauugghh ..
He couldnt catch his breath , was saying crazy things like , 'i cant breath' 'they want to send me to a hospital for evaluation' 'they want to lock me up' 'dont let them take me' 'i love you and nd to know that you are going to be there for me' ... blah blah blah .. I calmed him down by telling him he was having a panic attack , catch his breath , if they want you to go to the hospital then go , it cant hurt .blah blah blah .
It fell apart after that . they transferred him to the psychiatric ward of a hosptial about 30 miles away . i called to check on him in the afternoon , they said they gave him a shot and he was sleeping and somebody would call me back . he actually called me and was talking in circles , saying they were discharging him & he couldnt go back to rehab because rehab wouldnt take him and i had to go get him . I told him no , that i was going to get him and its ridiculous that rehab wouldnt let him back . i researched .
what i found was that he was evaluated in the psyciatric hospital (he suffers from pstd & depression) they wanted him to sign himself in there for further evaluations and he refused . Rehab will not take him back because he now has drugs in his system (cymbalta and seroquel) and because the recommendation is psychiatric care , they cannot do that for him there .
His outpatient program also wants nothing to do with him since his recommendation again , is psyciatric care . so he walks out of the hospital wednesday nght without being discharged . head nurse calls me and tells me she called the police and they would be looking for him but he was on foot so cant get to far . he left me a msg on my cell phone at the same time i was talking to the nurse (cell was upstairs so i didnt hear it) when i listened to the msg he was making all these demands , he needed his truck , he needed money , he needed phone numbers , what a b@#$! I was for not supporting him and letting him come home .. blah blah .. i have to admit i was a little nervous knowing he was out there and not in a good state of mind but not too nervous because i went to sleep . got another msg in the mrng from the nurse that he was back .
well he left again on thurs afternoon . last time i spoke to him was about 3 pm and it was a series of conversations where he again talked in circles .
im not sure what to do now . he was never physically abusive so im not afraid of him in that way . i am afraid of him showing up and saying ridiculous things to or in front of our kids . im trying so hard to protect them . and the other side of me is afraid that he is dead in a ditch somewhere .
sorry this is so long . complicated story . i appreciate you reading it and look forward to any advice you can give me !! aauugghh ..
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
ps .. i talked at length to a nurse at the hospital yesterday after he left . she told me he was showing signs of withdrawal and all he was interested in was getting drugs . she said he kept saying over & over that nobody would help him but she told him flat out to sign himself in and they would . she said he was angry and in no time would start crying . he also told her the name of a friend who he was going to stay with but i spoke to that friend and he knew nothing about it .
again .. aauugghh!
again .. aauugghh!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Northern NJ
Posts: 71
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It seems like your husband is over on the 'dark side' for the moment. Even though he hasn't been physically abusive in the past doesn't necessarily predict future behavior especially when dealing with mental illness. Please take good care of yourself and your children!!! I pray that he gets the help that he so desperately needs!
Jo
Jo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
awwww lg.....this scenario sounds, looks, and feels so familiar....you could have inserted my x's name anywhere on this post, and it would have fit our life perfectly.
mine did the exact same thing. except he peed in the corner of his room floor before he walked out. took a cab from over 60 miles away, and showed up on my front door. all scrambly eyed, and shaking in his shoes......and owing the cab big bucks....course....no money.
i'm sorry you are having to deal with this....i understand how hurtful it is to see this and see our loved ones in so much misery.
it was so frustrating for me......i finally accepted that he had choices to make. he kept making the same choices. he kept in the same vicious circle.
also, i learned that his information was not ever correct about the roadblocks he told me about......it was all about wanting to get back home and keep his comfort zone for his alcoholism intact.
mine did the exact same thing. except he peed in the corner of his room floor before he walked out. took a cab from over 60 miles away, and showed up on my front door. all scrambly eyed, and shaking in his shoes......and owing the cab big bucks....course....no money.
i'm sorry you are having to deal with this....i understand how hurtful it is to see this and see our loved ones in so much misery.
it was so frustrating for me......i finally accepted that he had choices to make. he kept making the same choices. he kept in the same vicious circle.
also, i learned that his information was not ever correct about the roadblocks he told me about......it was all about wanting to get back home and keep his comfort zone for his alcoholism intact.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
LG prayers to you and the kids-(((Hugs)))
As embrace stated I could put my A also in a lot of spaces in your post.
Hang in there and remember that we think in our minds because they never have been physically abusive-does not mean they won't! Mine never was in the first year and 1/2 but after that as the disease and his mind which was full of anger so did he!
Take care of you and those kids-and send prayers his way
As embrace stated I could put my A also in a lot of spaces in your post.
Hang in there and remember that we think in our minds because they never have been physically abusive-does not mean they won't! Mine never was in the first year and 1/2 but after that as the disease and his mind which was full of anger so did he!
Take care of you and those kids-and send prayers his way
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by LGLG07 
im not sure what to do now . he was never physically abusive so im not afraid of him in that way . i am afraid of him showing up and saying ridiculous things to or in front of our kids . im trying so hard to protect them . and the other side of me is afraid that he is dead in a ditch somewhere .
Activity helps me get out of myself and before I know it, I'm living it, not just faking it.
Good luck, I know it's stressful.
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
thks everyone ! im feeling like you are pulling me back down to earth .
I do have to let go . I actually have plans to take my kids to PA to visit friends Sun - Wed (kids are off from school , spring break) . I thought once , 'how can I go with him *missing* , what if something bad happens' but I guess I cant afford not to go now .
I will just go on with my normal activitys over the next two days and if he surfaces , he surfaces . not much i can do about it right ?
I do have to let go . I actually have plans to take my kids to PA to visit friends Sun - Wed (kids are off from school , spring break) . I thought once , 'how can I go with him *missing* , what if something bad happens' but I guess I cant afford not to go now .
I will just go on with my normal activitys over the next two days and if he surfaces , he surfaces . not much i can do about it right ?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
it always astounded me how resourceful my x could be.....he was always at his best when his feet were pounding the pavement, looking for the next roost. give him the good life that he claimed to have wanted....and poof....he would chuck it outta the window every time.
i had to learn not to worry.....he is a survivor.
i had to learn not to worry.....he is a survivor.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: iowa
Posts: 93
I have worked in nursing homes before and Alzheimer's units - so I was well familiar with some of the behaviors of dementia.
When my (at the time) 34 year old AH was acting the same as one of the Alzheimer's patients I... well I can't even put my thoughts to words.
The only difference is that alot of the Alzheimer's patients were elderly - it's completely different when they're only 34. At 34 they have more of a physical presence that scares you.
AH walked out of his hospital room - was walking around the hospital - someone was following him but lost him. They called security but no one could find him.
He had gotten his cell phone so we called him, and asked where he was. He said he was in our home town (3 hours away) waiting by the van for me outside the church (hospital). I went to the security room and watched the cameras - sure enough he found our van, but he rode to the hospital in the ambulance so he had no clue where I parked - he must have just walked and walked til he found it.
It still hurts thinking back to that time and it's been 2 1/2 almost 3 years ago.
Don't let AH disturb your plans, if you & the kids are going out of town - go.
My kids always seemed to say, 'Dad always goes and ruins everything.' Like when AH crashed his car and broke his neck - the kids and I were planning on going out of state in 2 days - but no we had to go pick him up from hospital.
Good luck LGL.
Thinking about you.
When my (at the time) 34 year old AH was acting the same as one of the Alzheimer's patients I... well I can't even put my thoughts to words.
The only difference is that alot of the Alzheimer's patients were elderly - it's completely different when they're only 34. At 34 they have more of a physical presence that scares you.
AH walked out of his hospital room - was walking around the hospital - someone was following him but lost him. They called security but no one could find him.
He had gotten his cell phone so we called him, and asked where he was. He said he was in our home town (3 hours away) waiting by the van for me outside the church (hospital). I went to the security room and watched the cameras - sure enough he found our van, but he rode to the hospital in the ambulance so he had no clue where I parked - he must have just walked and walked til he found it.
It still hurts thinking back to that time and it's been 2 1/2 almost 3 years ago.
Don't let AH disturb your plans, if you & the kids are going out of town - go.
My kids always seemed to say, 'Dad always goes and ruins everything.' Like when AH crashed his car and broke his neck - the kids and I were planning on going out of state in 2 days - but no we had to go pick him up from hospital.
Good luck LGL.
Thinking about you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
LG - gosh, what a pain in the butt!
i say, along with everyone else, to resume with your plans. if you are really worried at home, keep the doors locked until you leave, and keep a phone near you at all times. no one says you have to let him in. and if he feels the urge to break a window or smash in a door, call the cops!
have a nice, relaxing trip and enjoy the time with your friends!
i say, along with everyone else, to resume with your plans. if you are really worried at home, keep the doors locked until you leave, and keep a phone near you at all times. no one says you have to let him in. and if he feels the urge to break a window or smash in a door, call the cops!
have a nice, relaxing trip and enjoy the time with your friends!
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by LGLG07
not much i can do about it right ?
Try and enjoy yourself! Leave the rest in God's hands!
((((((((((LG))))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
At first I couldn't understand why the rehab would not take your husband back because he was put on psych drugs - My husband was actually started on Seroquel during his last stint in rehab. Then I realized your husband was probably not in a dual-diagnosis rehab. Maybe this is where he needs to be, especially with the psych diagnosis? Big hugs. I know how hard this is. As if the drinking isn't bad enough!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I can only speak from my own circumstances with my AS..Here in my city detox and psych are one in the same for the first few days and then they are sent out to a detox if needed.Or they can stay inpatient in the psych ward which is about 80% alcoholics and addicts.In the psych ward they are locked down--but each state seems to be different.
He panicked because he was wanting a fix-a drink and realising he would not be able to--they do give them meds though. My AS told me he doesn't even remember the first 3 days-he slept from the shots of ativan they were giving him.
Before the meds started for my AS he called saying all kinds of crazy things--you have to really detach during this period and it is SOOOOOO hard--you want to go and rescue them.
Has your husband ever detoxed before--sometimes they can exhibit unusual behavior-unlike their norm.
Is he threatening you?
I am so sorry you have to go through this with your kids and am praying you AH goes back and starts over.....stay safe and stay strong...
also fyi--my son did end up with a duel diagnosis--bipolar which is now contro;;ed with medication and he is sober--there is still a light there--
Take your kids away and relax--they always land on their feet....
He panicked because he was wanting a fix-a drink and realising he would not be able to--they do give them meds though. My AS told me he doesn't even remember the first 3 days-he slept from the shots of ativan they were giving him.
Before the meds started for my AS he called saying all kinds of crazy things--you have to really detach during this period and it is SOOOOOO hard--you want to go and rescue them.
Has your husband ever detoxed before--sometimes they can exhibit unusual behavior-unlike their norm.
Is he threatening you?
I am so sorry you have to go through this with your kids and am praying you AH goes back and starts over.....stay safe and stay strong...
also fyi--my son did end up with a duel diagnosis--bipolar which is now contro;;ed with medication and he is sober--there is still a light there--
Take your kids away and relax--they always land on their feet....
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
Thank you everyone ! So much good advice .
I have heard from him this morning . He called and sounded very humble .
He wanted to see the kids . He was defending himself for leaving the hospital , he claims he was told he had to leave unless he was suicidal .
I know from my conversation with the nurse that he was lying about that.
He also tried to get me to believe he was doing everything he could to get help.
I told him flat out , he was not seeing the kids now or any time soon . He is not trying to get himself better because if he was he would be in the hospital instead of calling me and if he was serious then he needs to go back to the hospital and until he does I didnt want to hear from him anymore .
He accused me of having a boyfriend !! (WHAT THE @#$%!) Yeah , I have the time and the desire to get a boyfriend with 4 kids and an ah on the run!
Why not just go straight to hell while Im at it ! He told me again that I dont support him , that if he cant have me whats the point of getting better (does he sound codie?) , and that he cant do it alone .
I told him I was sorry for him but alone is exactly what he was and we hung up . What he does now is his choice .
I know that he suffers from PTSD from an incident that happened 3 years ago. He blames his out of control drinking on that however he was an alcoholic for much longer than that . It started in adolescence . The last time he was in rehab he had memorys of his dad physically abusing him from when he was about 8 yrs old . He never remembered that before , said he remembered his mom getting hit but his mom (still to this day) always said 'thank God he never touched my kids' . So my ah grew up to deny that he was ever hit and therefore blocked it out . My MIL has some real issues with guilt and I think she knows much more about what happened to him as a child and is trying her hardest to keep him from remembering it . She doesnt want him in the hospital right now and when I speak to her I can tell she is nervous . Not sure whats up there .
So my plans ?? I am working today , then doing an MS Walk on the beach tomorrow morning with my kids and then off to PA to visit our friends ! I am looking forward to getting away and so are they .
For as crazy as I let myself get when this first happened I gotta say , you all put my feet right back on the ground .. I could of just kept going with the craziness but I was able to calm myself and Im so grateful to you all for that ! Thank you .. God Bless !
M
I have heard from him this morning . He called and sounded very humble .
He wanted to see the kids . He was defending himself for leaving the hospital , he claims he was told he had to leave unless he was suicidal .
I know from my conversation with the nurse that he was lying about that.
He also tried to get me to believe he was doing everything he could to get help.
I told him flat out , he was not seeing the kids now or any time soon . He is not trying to get himself better because if he was he would be in the hospital instead of calling me and if he was serious then he needs to go back to the hospital and until he does I didnt want to hear from him anymore .
He accused me of having a boyfriend !! (WHAT THE @#$%!) Yeah , I have the time and the desire to get a boyfriend with 4 kids and an ah on the run!
Why not just go straight to hell while Im at it ! He told me again that I dont support him , that if he cant have me whats the point of getting better (does he sound codie?) , and that he cant do it alone .
I told him I was sorry for him but alone is exactly what he was and we hung up . What he does now is his choice .
I know that he suffers from PTSD from an incident that happened 3 years ago. He blames his out of control drinking on that however he was an alcoholic for much longer than that . It started in adolescence . The last time he was in rehab he had memorys of his dad physically abusing him from when he was about 8 yrs old . He never remembered that before , said he remembered his mom getting hit but his mom (still to this day) always said 'thank God he never touched my kids' . So my ah grew up to deny that he was ever hit and therefore blocked it out . My MIL has some real issues with guilt and I think she knows much more about what happened to him as a child and is trying her hardest to keep him from remembering it . She doesnt want him in the hospital right now and when I speak to her I can tell she is nervous . Not sure whats up there .
So my plans ?? I am working today , then doing an MS Walk on the beach tomorrow morning with my kids and then off to PA to visit our friends ! I am looking forward to getting away and so are they .
For as crazy as I let myself get when this first happened I gotta say , you all put my feet right back on the ground .. I could of just kept going with the craziness but I was able to calm myself and Im so grateful to you all for that ! Thank you .. God Bless !
M
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
Another update .. I heard from him again .
He called crying and begging me to help him . I told him there was nothing I can do for him , he had to do it himself . He cried some more and was driving and then he parked and told me he was around the corner from our local hospital and he was going in . We hung up . He called back .
I had to talk to him while he crossed the street and went inside and after I heard him give his name , he hung up .
A counselor called from the hospital about an hour ago . She said she was going to work with him and that he told her he really wants help . She took a lot of background information from me (times & dates & about his other trips to rehab , his ptsd & depression) and said she would be in touch as soon as they could find him a bed in another facility to let me know .
Part of me is really happy for him that he checked himself in .. BUT .. the other part of me wants to curse him out !! I cant help but feel like Im being manipulated still . He knows that he is not coming home no matter how long he is in the hospital for . I told him several times and he told me it didnt matter , he had to get better whether I was going to be there in the end or not .
Is there a sign that I should be looking for (or that Im missing) that will tell me that he is serious this time ? Or is it that he was serious every other time but he just wasnt ready ? Does it even matter ? Im still so confused
He called crying and begging me to help him . I told him there was nothing I can do for him , he had to do it himself . He cried some more and was driving and then he parked and told me he was around the corner from our local hospital and he was going in . We hung up . He called back .
I had to talk to him while he crossed the street and went inside and after I heard him give his name , he hung up .
A counselor called from the hospital about an hour ago . She said she was going to work with him and that he told her he really wants help . She took a lot of background information from me (times & dates & about his other trips to rehab , his ptsd & depression) and said she would be in touch as soon as they could find him a bed in another facility to let me know .
Part of me is really happy for him that he checked himself in .. BUT .. the other part of me wants to curse him out !! I cant help but feel like Im being manipulated still . He knows that he is not coming home no matter how long he is in the hospital for . I told him several times and he told me it didnt matter , he had to get better whether I was going to be there in the end or not .
Is there a sign that I should be looking for (or that Im missing) that will tell me that he is serious this time ? Or is it that he was serious every other time but he just wasnt ready ? Does it even matter ? Im still so confused
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Wow! Drama central.
It's been said many times before, but I'll say it again: My A pulled all the same sh*t. It's like we're married to the same man. sigh.
Good for you LG for holding your ground. It's NOT easy to maintain those boundaries like you did when they call crying and begging. And manipulating our emotions saying things like "if I can't have you, then there's no point in getting better". It's a terrible thing to go through.
It is a good sign that he checked himself in. A good start. Is he serious? From what I've read here, there's no way to know that. Only time will tell. And his actions. Like some recovering A's have written here, give it at least a year, don't listen to a word they say, and just pay attention to their actions.
You hang in there LG.
hugs,
neg.
It's been said many times before, but I'll say it again: My A pulled all the same sh*t. It's like we're married to the same man. sigh.
Good for you LG for holding your ground. It's NOT easy to maintain those boundaries like you did when they call crying and begging. And manipulating our emotions saying things like "if I can't have you, then there's no point in getting better". It's a terrible thing to go through.
It is a good sign that he checked himself in. A good start. Is he serious? From what I've read here, there's no way to know that. Only time will tell. And his actions. Like some recovering A's have written here, give it at least a year, don't listen to a word they say, and just pay attention to their actions.
You hang in there LG.
hugs,
neg.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
