sthrnraizd

So I posted early how the ex called today, tells me he's been drinking, leads me to believe there might still be something there between us. Which only sparked little hopes in my heart which as hard as i tried all day I called him.....dumb dumb thing. I know his thinking wouldnt be in a different place because he has sought no theraphy or treatment yet. But yet I try and only to get what I deseved for calling....he's not in that place now.....Im sooo stupid. Why do I touch the snake that bites? I feel that I am now starting over in this whole process with only being rejected again......damnit!!!

Sunflower

remember the A is sick and so are you from being with them....it takes time to work it all out in your head and your heart...be strong...

MsGolightly

don't beat yourself up over it, we've all done it at least once (and i've done it too many times to count!).

if i were you, i'd really, really work on having no contact with him - at least until he can prove to you that he's entered a treatment program and that he's really working on his recovery. otherwise, you're going to really be going up and down on this rollercoaster for a long time - or as long as you're willing to tolerate. and let me say, it isn't a fun ride in the end!

Cynay

Im struggling with rejection again too sweetie.

You know, you would think that after we have been bitten a few times we would get it and take action to get to a point of not wanting to play with snakes..... When it hurts too much no contact is what has always been suggested to me.

Takes some of us longer then others.... But we will be ok, The heart is a funny thing and everytime we get bitten, it is one step closer to removing it and getting on with being happy, joyous and free.

But I have to admitt.... there are times I want to bite back.

dollydo

Ok, so you have had a little setback, it's not the end of the world...so, what are you going to do now? No contact sounds like a good idea to me.

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's not so much the circumstance you are involved in, it's how you handle it.

fluffyflea

Try to get yourself support so you can have no contact with him. He'as just going to continue to play these games with you if you don't.


Earthworm

duet_4-8

Don't beat yourself up. It happens to all of us. We have gotten just as sick as they are, and it takes time for us to get strong.

For me, becoming unmeshed from my EXAH was like I think getting sober is for A's.

For me, no contact is the only way to go, because he knows SO well which buttons to push to get at me. He is still trying to get at me through my grown children.

It has taken me over 25 years to finally 'get it' that he is abusive and addicted. And to 'get it' that I am truly better off without him.

parentrecovers

give yourself time. get to alanon. it's progress, not perfection. blessings, k

Rella927

Cynay said it wonderful as always! Maybe no contact would be good-I know this is hard-it took me a long time to do- (I still am working on the total cut off) but I do not speak with my X A and it has made for happier days-

The rejection feeling hurts-but they are rejecting us because pf the disease hon-try although it is hard to know this it is not you personally-

(((hugs))) hang in there ...stop calling yourself DUMB! We are all just mentally challenged with this disease until we keep up with our recovery steps to figure it all out!

embraced2000

mornin'.......ok.....here goes....when i felt this way, i learned to change my inner dialogue with myself. so instead of always telling myself how dumb i was for reacting a certain way.....i would instead, say ok....i reacted this way....but i am not dumb.

you are not dumb. you love. you hurt. but you are not dumb.

the active alcoholic is just very, very manipulative, clever....cunning....

repeat after me....i-am-not-dumb

sthrnraizd

Thsnk You everone! I sent an email to the A and asked he not contact me again till he has at least completed treatment. I doubt I'll hear from him for long time. I told him its time for me to heal from my time with him.......now its my time.

LGLG07

augh! its so frustrating . if you didnt contact him you may be thinking now , 'if only i contacted him , maybe things would be different' . its a lose lose situation ..
I agree with everyone .. no contact .. and instead of wondering what he's doing during that time , worry about what you are going to do !

sthrnraizd

OK, yall I am growing, I am moving through this mess!~ Yesterday wasnt a day of mistakes, it was a day of conclusions adn closures. I forgot about how the A loves to give off mixed signals, I should have known the trap. But I live life with my heart and he does not. My love was unconditional and unwavering. He told me his was not. (why didnt I run then?) I ahve been only holding onto the good memories. BIG mistake! I needed to revisit the things he did to cause this problem. I sent myself an email of all the things he did, and was like so I can remind myself how much better off i am without him. Even if he was totally handsome with a great smile. Beautiful shiney vessal on the outside but full of snakes and vinegar on the inside. ~ Part of me feels for the saddness that he is~ but I must remember that he has chosen to live where he is....and I can't change this.