justjo

I would really like anyones opinion. Good or Bad.
My sister has been drinking for about 15 years. She has over these past 3 years got so terribly worse. Nowadays, she goes into rehab (has been in 10 times, really dont know I have lost count) and usually gets caught drinking and kicked out.
Once at home she will go on a 5-6 day binge, doesnt eat, shower, nothing but can manage to drive and get more booze. OK, I know some of you will tell me she isnt ready yet.
While she is binging, she calls all the time with all the emotional b...sh.t. wants help, help, help. Get help, she is there and talks to the rehab centres, so she decided.
Now you might tell me, she has to get really bad, in the gutter stuff to get better. I dont know how bad she could possibly get...damn it she is so bad and I if had magic pill, wammo I buy it at any cost. But there isnt. No rehab centre can help us. She has lost her marriage, her kids, house is almost next. Today she tells me she thinks she is pregnant to a guy she met in rehab a couple of months ago and we are trying to figure out who it is....

HELP

MsGolightly

justjo - have you tried an intervention with your family?

will being arrested effect her at all? spending a night in jail?

how does she get her money for alcohol? does she work?

she's living with you, right? putting her on the streets might be the next step... it might hurt you and it might her at first, but it also has the possibility of being the only thing that would help her.

i'm thinking of you.

Sunflower

First let me say what a wonderful sister you are to care so much about your sister-even though she disrupts your entire life, Shows the character of a good pers
on.
So she has tried all the rehabs? How about when she is really''wild''you take her to the ER and have them put her in the detox ward there where she canalso be psychologically be evaluated before she kills herself!


Maybe this time she will find the way or the right person to help her at least get on the right path.....everytime I would pray it was the right time with my AS--then oneday it was..


To lose her kids and husband and everything she loved in life tells me she is a hard core alcoholic--need to find a way for her to stay sober long enough to realise what she is doing to her life and everyone elses.


IMHO I like the lock down detox units and the forse treatment I know a lot don't agree with me (so no hate mail please)but there are no other options when they are that bad,,,,,so sorry for your troubles....


OH and go online in your surrounding community to see if there are any doctors that are specialists in treating alcoholics--she may need medication to stay clean and come off the booze....

MsGolightly

sunflower, i agree with you. sometimes being forced into a detox unit or other rehab works, sometimes it doesn't. might not hurt to try, at this point.

Mr. Christian

Does your sister have a sponsor to call, or is she not working a program?

dollydo

You are a loving caring sister, however, you cannot love or care her into soberity, sometime you just have to let go.

She is an adult, and responsible for her actions, you are not.

My mother has been drinking for over 60 years, she is now 81, and still drinking, nothing I can do, I just accept her disease, it's her life, not mine.

Take care of you,

justjo

She has had sponsers, she has had the medication, she has been detoxed over and over, she has been in rehab over and over. She doesnt work and lives off of credit cards. Now in tremendous debt and looks like the house has to be remortgaged. We have had the police there, Assessors, counsellors, believe me she has been given many opportunities. I took her back to her own home last Sat and she has been drunk ever since. Hasnt eaten for 7 days. Dropped in this morning. Begged for help. No no no. Told her she had to make the phone calls and do it herself. I am not wasting my time. If she wants this so bad make the call.

Mr. Christian

Until she does ,nothing will change.
Everyone needs to stop feeding her their energy and let her do for herself.
Good for you for taking the stand.

Rella927

Good for you! As much as we love them-I have an A brother who has been in rehab,detox,salvation army,many different programs, jail, meds and now jail again...in the meantime lost his house, marriage, kids, and a job of 26 years! We need to step back like you are doing and let them start doing...that is when some if not all realize WOW what the heck am I doing to myself..my life??! In the meantime take care of you and yours! You are a wonderful sister to put so much into this to try to help her-that is alot more than most would do!

Hang in there (((Hugs)))

LiLL

HI Justjo. I don't have much advice to offer. Just want to let you know I understand. It's hard to watch them fall... and even harder to watch them trying to fight the desease but getting defeated over and over again. I can't imagine what the inner struggles of an A are like. But the A is the only one that can set himself/herself free. The less we do for them, the more they will try to do for themselves. I guess you know all this already and it sounds like you're already doing the right things. Just let go and let God, and don't feel guilty about it.

embraced2000

i understand how difficult it is to witness this.

but we do not have to. we do have choices. it's a hard decision to make, but the decision to take care of ourselves is the most important one we can make.....at least it was for me.

my x continued this same type of behavior.....nothing changed until i made a change.....i could not help him in any way. but i could help myself, and stop being part of his madness.....and his drunken, foolish, behaviors.

very, very difficult....because i loved him. but it is do-able.

best to you

mallowcup

I think we have to redefine what helping really is. Once we decide what is really going to help them, we have to make a recipe to make that happen. Professional advice can help you stick to it because someone else is validating the plan.
If what we are doing is helping we should stick with it. If what w are doing is just exhausting us and we see no changes, we need to change something. Serious problems, require serious changes. We want to find so,utions that don't hurt us. Sometimes that doesn't work.

justjo

Yes and thanks. I have done all I can and I realise it. I really dont enable her, give money, rides etc. I want to be there for her but sometimes I feel even this is too much. I know I have to stop as painful as this is.