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Keeping your mouth shut????

Old 04-17-2007, 04:42 AM
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Keeping your mouth shut????

Someone once told me that the best choice is often the most difficult one.
That is so true! Here I am, living out of boxes, trying to recover from surgery, and walking on eggshells because there is so much dysfunction in my family. My mother, who I love dearly, is addicted to food and medications. She is very controlling, immature, and manipulative, and it can be very frustrating. My sister and my aunt are playing head games with me already. My sister keeps talking about my ex, and my aunt actually showed up here the other day and accused me of faking my physical limitations, following surgery. It was all I could do to keep from telling her off, but this is not my home. How do you know when to keep your mouth shut and when to defend your position, calmly?????

No one in my family wants to help me move, AND I haven't asked them to. I am doing the best I can. I'm sure that I'll be able to start lifting things within the next month or so, but I will not be manipulated into causing myself injury by a self-centered, alcoholic, control freak. If I sound a little bitter this morning, I am. I just want some normalcy for a change. Perhaps I should go to Tibet and stay with the Monks for awhile. Just some peace and quiet would be VERY, VERY nice!

I am surrounded by alcoholics and control freaks. There are no Alanon meetings around here, so I have to apply what I have already learned from prior meetings, college courses, and my friends on here. The addicts are coming out of the woodwork now. I am truly being tested. The one thing that helps me to remember that I've made the best choice is that I'm no longer living in fear for my life!

Any wise suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Do I say, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK or do I treat family members just as I did the alcoholic boyfriend??????

Thanks!
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:03 AM
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Wow, Grace. Talk about attack of the addicts. They are like ants to honey with you!

I want you know I'll be praying for you! I know someone will be along with advice but I just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Much love, Cheryl
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:10 AM
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I do understand what you are saying. I left my parents at 18, got my own place, worked and went to college at night. Both of my parents were Alcoholics, one still is at age 81, my mom. My father finally quit drinking 10 years ago, yet he still exhibits the behavior of someone who still drinks.

When I left, I left for good, never turned back. They had their life to live, I had mine. They make their choices, I make mine. I keep our relationship an arms length away, I view, but I don't participate in their insanity.

You are moving forward, keep going, one baby step at a time. Yes, you are being tested, open that recovery toolbox, and, use every tool in it, that's what they are there for.

You'll be ok, tomorrow is a new day, make it a good one.
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:29 AM
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Those who anger me,control me.Those who upset me,control me too,if i allow it..Take back your own control.Step one!!!.You----know the truth.Thats all there is.Embrace what you know is right for you to do.Allow others their --opinions,,and ya know family "always" has opinions..lol
Make---TODAY,,the best day ever,,regardless,of what others think/say.
Recovery is always an inside job.
God Grant me serenity,to accept the things i cannot change,courage[which you are]to change the things that i can,wisdom to know the difference.
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:03 AM
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I will go with you to Tibet. We will have a blast with the monks. Hang in there. You are in my prayers.
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:33 AM
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Grace,

You know your truth that is all that is important.

A's are A's.

Maybe you could start looking around for a place to live for yourself?

Earthworm
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:49 AM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post
I do understand what you are saying. I left my parents at 18, got my own place, worked and went to college at night. Both of my parents were Alcoholics, one still is at age 81, my mom. My father finally quit drinking 10 years ago, yet he still exhibits the behavior of someone who still drinks.

When I left, I left for good, never turned back. They had their life to live, I had mine. They make their choices, I make mine. I keep our relationship an arms length away, I view, but I don't participate in their insanity.

You are moving forward, keep going, one baby step at a time. Yes, you are being tested, open that recovery toolbox, and, use every tool in it, that's what they are there for.

You'll be ok, tomorrow is a new day, make it a good one.


This is why I love this place! When we forget about that tool box we always have someone here to remind us of it!

Grace hang in there! (((Hugs))) and prayers you are on the right track-just grind those teeth and remember they do make their choices and you make yours! Tomorrow as dollydo said is a new day!
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Old 04-17-2007, 09:35 AM
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extra prayers to you, k
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Old 04-17-2007, 09:53 AM
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Grace remember your quote:
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. We are in charge of our attitude.

You are in charge. The others can bite it. You are doing the best you can. We are here for you.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:13 AM
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Thanks! The aunt was just here again. She tried to get into an argument with me about my mother, who isn't here right now. It didn't work!!! You guys would've been proud of me.

I do say the serenity prayer regularly, and it is a real challenge not reacting.

Thanks for the prayers and the support. This is the ONE PLACE that I can come to when I need a friend and a shoulder.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:26 AM
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It is a challenge that we all battle with Grace the "not reacting" my sister tells me all the time your doing it again! Ha Ha

Good job Grace keep up the good work!!
you go girl! And yes this place does wonders! "sticking out shoulder for you anytime"
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:16 PM
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If it will help you to get peace and quiet you can go to a domestic violence shelter because that is what these people are doing abusing you. or if in order to heal you can explain your situation to your doctor and he or she can give you an order to get rehab in a hursing home and most insurances will pay if a doctor orders it. JMHO.
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Old 04-17-2007, 05:30 PM
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I feel for you! Until you are well again you are at the mercy of others I am afraid---keep silent-walk away--no sense getting involved in the BS--it will take some time to get on your feet again--then you can work your way into your own place hopefully

,Playing into their manipulative hands will only prolong your pain.


You want Monks??? LOL I did start to study buddhism over 2 years ago---they can teach you how to train your mind to go to that quiet place no matter where you are--it's true--I do it everyday.
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Old 04-18-2007, 01:24 AM
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I very much agree with the shelter suggestion, I would at least talk to them, they want to help, and they can perhaps find temp dog sitters.

Really if at all possible I would put my stuff in a shed and go to a shelter.

Caring hugs
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Old 04-18-2007, 03:07 AM
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Do Monks drink? That would be my luck....probably all raging alcoholics because they don't have women... I am JUST KIDDING (don't want to offend anyone).

Grace, the part about "AND not asking them to help"...... umm... this independence/control problem isn't working well with your recovery. Call a mover, please. After that, we can compare notes about our mothers, mine's worse than yours, nana nana naaanaaa.

Should I round up all these girls from Ohio? We can drive to PA in about 2 hours ya know......don't make us come over there!
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:29 AM
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Oh what a wonderful way to start the day.
Thank you so much for the support and the wisdom.

I do need to train my mind to go to a quiet place, Sunflower. For now, I'm using ear plugs and duck sounds. I am practicing detachment more now than ever. I love my family, but I'm not going to let them suck me in and pull me down. The ex already tried his best to do that.

HolyQow, you crack me up! I am not being independent and controlling though. The alcoholic relatives INFORMED me that they would not help me move EVER again. I didn't ask anyone. No one wants to help me because they helped me leave him the last time. In one way, I don't blame them, but in another way, I think they're being a little selfish.

If you want to come over here, I would love to meet you. You don't have to help me move though.....I'm getting movers. Thanks for the laugh though. It started my day off on the right track.

Have a great day, everyone!
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