aztchr

you just want to shut out the world and do for yourself?

Something's up with me lately. I just want to shut out the world, sit by my pool and not be bothered with anyone or anything. Little things are starting to aggrevate me more so than usual. I know I can only make myself happy, but I'm trying all of the things I like to do and I just feel blah and a little guilt.

Today I'm going to go babysit my 3 year old niece for awhile. Maybe I just need to be a kid again for a little while. Hopefully, that will help renew my spirit.

TexasGirl

I think that just happens sometime, and it's probably just your emotional needs making themselves known. If you just need to spend some time with just you, doing just what you and you alone want to do, I think you should indulge yourself. But if you find yourself completely pulling away from the world for too long, then it's something you should discuss with a therapist. Listen to what your body and emotions say that they need.

parentrecovers

i get like that sometimes, aztchr. i think it's ok to pull back for a short time, just long enough to refuel. then, back out there! what helps me is to give to others at those times - i have a older woman who lives down the street, for example, and when i get in those "broody" moods - i call on her to make sure she has things she needs and to visit. it helps get me out of myself for awhile.. hope this is helpful. blessings, k

aztchr

Thanks, TG. I am going out with some work friends this week to celebrate my birthday so that is something good to look forward to. I regret not making more friends throughout my teens and 20's. Now that I'm almost 31, I feel alone and everyone else has their "circle" if you know what I mean. I always feel like the outsider looking in. By now I thought I'd be coupled, and have those extended couple friends.

Every day, I feel like I'm back to step 1 which is better than nothing. I have come along way since last year this time. The past keeps creeping up and the emotions are getting the better of me. I am strong, I know I made the right decision, but the starting over part is much harder than I thought.

aztchr

Thanks for the responses in advance! I'm off to color and watch Disney movies with my niece.

TexasGirl

Starting over is hard. I know. I really struggled with, as I put it so often, creating my own life after I moved out of the town, family, and life I had with AH, no matter how "bad" it might have been. I found myself in a new town with a new job and an apartment by myself. I felt like I was living with my dog in a shoebox. Even though I have 16 months left of my 20s , I also had those feelings that I had lost them.

Fast forward 8 months.....yes, sometimes I still reflect on time I might have lost, but it's also time that ended up teaching me a lot of things. I know that sounds cheesy, but I really think I have grown a lot. There is still much, much, MUCH more growing to do, but I think that XAH gave me an unique opportunity to learn about what's important in this life. Also, it took some time, but I have a set of real friends now. I didn't even have those when I was with AH.....it was just the two of us living his life. Now I have my own. How long have you been single again? I can't remember. But give it time. Starting over seems like an insurmountable task, but every day gets a little easier.

(((())))

chero

Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Aztchr!!

I get like this sometimes. Thinking about wasted time and lost time and then I find myself losing and wasting more time. I get so wrapped up in AHs life that I forget I have one too...a life that is.

So, my advice is do something new for yourself. Try something you always wanted to try and never did before. And don't think about wasted time...think, yeah, I'm only 31 years old and I have soooo much living I still get to do!!

Have a great day! And shoot, color out-of-the-lines if you want to!

Love, Cheryl

lilac

Don't dwell on that "wasted time" mentality...it is not worth it, i should know b/c i am very much guilty of doing it to myself.

It will get better, it will.

LGLG07

I think its true , we all need to spend time alone but because we are codie we feel we are being selfish , all we are really doing is listening to ourselves and being good to ourselves .
enjoy the time with your niece and happy bday to you !

MsGolightly

aztchr, i've gotten like that too lately. maybe it has to do with our upcoming birthdays... getting older and feeling lost and like everyone has it better.

spend time doing things you enjoy. do whatever makes you happy for the minute you're in. it's minute by minute, day by day, that we survive everything we've been put through. before you know it, you'll have a whole group of friends, a new (BETTER) boyfriend, etc, and you'll wish you had all this alone time to read and sit by the pool! so take advantage of the downtime now, before it escapes you! you'll face the world again when you're ready.

aztchr

TG--
Been single for a year, but went back and forth with my ex when he called, thought I could handle just a physical relationship with him, but it's not worth the pain and suffering, sold our house, moved in with my parents then got my own apartment 2 months ago. My birthday present to myself will be no contact again. I pray for strength and in the meantime, remind myself it's better to be alone and work on happiness, then together and miserable

Nuudawn

I find I'm spending a whole lot of time alone myself...and I think that's okay. As I'm into my 5th month of recovery from both alcoholism and a relationship with an alcoholic/addict, I'm actually just starting to scratch the surface of who I actually am. I really had no idea just a little over 4 months back...no clue. I never had much of a relationship with myself...it was simply quite abusive in oh so many ways. These days I'm really learning how to live with me..and lol..some days it ain't no picnic.

And you're right Aztchr...it is better to be alone then together and miserable. I still miss my exAbf sometimes..but I know right down to my toes I'm happier on my own working on little ole me.

aztchr

Thanks, everyone!
Had a good day with my niece, then came home and had some downtime.

I know with each day, I'm getting better. It's just a struggle to let myself sometimes. It's almost as if the more I let go and move forward, the more I don't know what to do with myself. I can't quite seem to find my place right now. I just feel so much on hold and am waiting for something. I'm scared of the worst happening and the best if that makes any sense. So far, everything's ok (work, family, etc.) and I'm not used to it. Why do I feel the need to keep questioning happiness or peace?

parentrecovers

letting go of the fear is a huge part of it for me too, aztchr. blessings, k