Feel I need to confront alcoholic hubby
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Hi Tredding.
Your thread struck a chord with me.
I began thinking of a place I was in emotionally.
If you dont mind, I will share it.
Before I left my ex, I fell out of love with him. I didnt see a future with him, wasnt even sure I wanted one and I knew he would say everything and do nothing. I knew I couldnt fix a relationship all by myself. I didnt have the energy or interest in even having the 'what can we do' conversation. I didnt feel like the relationship had anything left. I was compassionate and understanding towards his disease, but years of my recovery took me to a place, where I could love him, have compassion for him, and at the same time-leave him.
It wasnt really leaving him as much as it was finding myself.
I got tired of going to meetings and coming home to the same old thing I knew I couldnt change unless I changed. I was just spent.
I had reached a point, where my recovery had little transformed who I was. I was not the woman that fell in love with him. He hadn't really changed in honesty, but I had. The person I became was not attracted to the idea of continuing a life with that man. It saddened me because I had always thought I would always be in love with him. I think I will always care for him and his well being, but I just changed alot over the course of time.
Even if all the oodles of problems we had...were instantly gone..poof, just like that, it wouldnt have mattered. I just outgrew the relationship.
So, I think sometimes in relationships and in life, people change. Life circumstances change, and Id waited a whole lifetime (my whole life anyways) for someone else to make my life what I wanted. I woke up one day and realized, I had to do it myself and I had been expecting others actions to dictate my life. I had unwillingly tried to let someone elses life be the map for mine.
I dont know if this is even helpful, but thanks for letting me share
Your thread struck a chord with me.
I began thinking of a place I was in emotionally.
If you dont mind, I will share it.
Before I left my ex, I fell out of love with him. I didnt see a future with him, wasnt even sure I wanted one and I knew he would say everything and do nothing. I knew I couldnt fix a relationship all by myself. I didnt have the energy or interest in even having the 'what can we do' conversation. I didnt feel like the relationship had anything left. I was compassionate and understanding towards his disease, but years of my recovery took me to a place, where I could love him, have compassion for him, and at the same time-leave him.
It wasnt really leaving him as much as it was finding myself.
I got tired of going to meetings and coming home to the same old thing I knew I couldnt change unless I changed. I was just spent.
I had reached a point, where my recovery had little transformed who I was. I was not the woman that fell in love with him. He hadn't really changed in honesty, but I had. The person I became was not attracted to the idea of continuing a life with that man. It saddened me because I had always thought I would always be in love with him. I think I will always care for him and his well being, but I just changed alot over the course of time.
Even if all the oodles of problems we had...were instantly gone..poof, just like that, it wouldnt have mattered. I just outgrew the relationship.
So, I think sometimes in relationships and in life, people change. Life circumstances change, and Id waited a whole lifetime (my whole life anyways) for someone else to make my life what I wanted. I woke up one day and realized, I had to do it myself and I had been expecting others actions to dictate my life. I had unwillingly tried to let someone elses life be the map for mine.
I dont know if this is even helpful, but thanks for letting me share
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