Dottie

I've been reading all your stories and so many of them sound like me. I thought I was alone but now I know that I'm not. I am not married yet but we are suppose to get married next year. I'm not sure if i want to because i don't know if i can handle the life of a wife of an addict. I'll call my future husband john. Well he's not an everyday user he only uses about every 2 weeks to a month. He has put me through so much that I'm not sure what to do and I really don't know if I can handle this anymore. We have 2 children together (11yrs old girl, 2yrs old boy) and it's hard on them especally the 11 yrs old. Well about 1 1/2 months ago he went out using again so I had him admitted to a rehab hospital hoping that it would do some good. Well last week I left to go to school (trying to get my diploma in accounting) but when I got home he was gone but left his cell phone here. I already knew what he was up to. I discovered that all the money we have was gone he left me with $3.71. Well at this point I couldn't handle it anymore so I locked and blocked all doors and windows (he has never hurt me physically only emotionally) so that he couldn't come back for anything to sell. Well the next day he came back telling me how sorry he was but this time i wasn't going for it so I took the house key from him and kicked him out (he has no family that will let him stay with them). After 3 days he showed back up at my doorstep crying for help. I told him that there wasn't anything i could do anymore but he continued to beg for help. He finally asked me to take him back to the rehab hospital. I couldn't say no so I did. I thought that it was going to be like last time but this time instead of him getting out after 3 days he asked the hospital for some long term help. He has never done this before. He leaves for Atlanta tomorrow to a place called Peachford house.The program sounds good. The program lasts from 4 to 8 months. I told him that if he stays clean and completes the program then I will give him another chance. The only thing I'm scared about is that he'll do it again. I would never tell him that but that's how i'm feeling. My 11yrs. old is so confused. One minute she wants her dad home but the next minute she wants me to make him leave. I don't know what to do and I don't want to make our daughter unhappy. She has cried alot over his addiction and I know that it's eating me up inside so I know it's killing her. I'm so scared that he'll get out and only last a month or so. I'm so confused and hurt at the same time. I don't know if i'm making the right choice about giving him a second chance. I don't want my daughter to hate me either if he does it again. Can someone please give me a little advice. I've talked to her about this site and she wants to know if there is a site that she can talk to someone about her feelings concerning her dad. I think she needs a little justice and I know that she is hurting inside but she won't open up very much with me. Anyone out there have any advice for me or my daughter. I'm just so tired of crying and seeing my child cry.

ScoobyDoo

Sending hugs, http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html try here to.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hello Dottie,

Welcome to the recovery forum!

You don't have to decide what to do right now. You can wait until he's been out of rehab for awhile and see how it goes. I know how the ups and downs can drive you crazy. Please keep posting. Having a place to share where others identify has helped me enormously.

Hugs,
Smoke

Ann

Hi Dottie

I also want to welcome you and hope you will find yourself very comfortable here. Use this time to catch your breath, heal and to think about what YOU want for your future. You don't have to make any decisions until you are ready, and usually when you are ready the answers reveal themselves.

I hope your daughter finds some support too. We know how confused WE are about all this, so of course she is too. Good for you for thinking of her in that way.

JT

Welcome from me too,

You have been given some time here so try to enjoy the peace. Have you gone to Alanon? Now might be a good time to give it a try. Also there is some good reading in the stickies at the top. Melody Beatties "Codependent No More" is a good book, available at libraries, here and at book stores. I find that information never hurts.

Hugs,
JT

lyn_blossom78

Dottie:

Welcome!

Lyn