Lightbulb moment ..
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
Lightbulb moment ..
well for those of you that dont know my ah went into rehab monday for the
4th time . i talked to our 3 older kids yesterday about it , they are just so wise beyond their years , im really proud of them and how well they have handled this last year . my oldest asked me this mrng (shes 10) why i think God has brought this to our lives . in an instance i quickly thought of all the posts i have read here at SR and of all the moms that have shared their storys about their children . i thought of how just yesterday i was staring at my 6 yr old sons face thinking 'in 15 yrs from now he can be an alcohol or a drug addict just like his dad' just like so many sons to the moms on this site, and the daughters . then it hit me .
i told her that i thought God brought this into our lives because up until now mommy wasnt getting the message . i have it now . i have to do everything i can to stop this cycle (alcoholism runs in both mine and my ahs familys) . my ah will have to help himself get better and i have to educate my children so they know the effects of alcohol and drug use . of course i cant control the future or what will happen but i can help them by keeping them informed from this point on .
when we were done talking she just looked at me like she totally understood and was content with what was happening and with what was ahead . i feel really content myself today . im a big believer in my HP and that things happen for a reason , sometimes we never know but other times we do . im going to choose to believe this is the reason this time . i feel very detached from my ah . i care about what happens to him but accept that fact that i cannot control him or create his destiny . he has to do that himself . maybe this will be it for him , maybe it wont . only he knows .
have you had moments like this ? when suddenly things make sense ? do you think its just to make ourselves feel better or do you believe too ???
4th time . i talked to our 3 older kids yesterday about it , they are just so wise beyond their years , im really proud of them and how well they have handled this last year . my oldest asked me this mrng (shes 10) why i think God has brought this to our lives . in an instance i quickly thought of all the posts i have read here at SR and of all the moms that have shared their storys about their children . i thought of how just yesterday i was staring at my 6 yr old sons face thinking 'in 15 yrs from now he can be an alcohol or a drug addict just like his dad' just like so many sons to the moms on this site, and the daughters . then it hit me .
i told her that i thought God brought this into our lives because up until now mommy wasnt getting the message . i have it now . i have to do everything i can to stop this cycle (alcoholism runs in both mine and my ahs familys) . my ah will have to help himself get better and i have to educate my children so they know the effects of alcohol and drug use . of course i cant control the future or what will happen but i can help them by keeping them informed from this point on .
when we were done talking she just looked at me like she totally understood and was content with what was happening and with what was ahead . i feel really content myself today . im a big believer in my HP and that things happen for a reason , sometimes we never know but other times we do . im going to choose to believe this is the reason this time . i feel very detached from my ah . i care about what happens to him but accept that fact that i cannot control him or create his destiny . he has to do that himself . maybe this will be it for him , maybe it wont . only he knows .
have you had moments like this ? when suddenly things make sense ? do you think its just to make ourselves feel better or do you believe too ???
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
im rereading my post and forgot to thank all the moms for sharing their storys, no matter how painful . i admire you so much . i really dont have words . it opened my eyes to my next generation . the odds are against my kids . like i said before , i know i cant control it , as you couldnt, but i feel that i am better prepared tdy than i was yesterday and thats because of you .
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Children are blessings. My step daughter at 5 understood more than I can imagine.
As long as i was honest with her and communicate with her in ways that she can comprehend.
She taught a lesson. We had to see eye to eye.lol She communicate in ways that i can comphrend.lol
That little girl stood her grounds and had pouding my head against the wall.
The day came when i had to get on my knees and asked her " kelsy... please"
An old soul that just happened to be in a child's body at the time.
She came home oneday...just a little fruastraded. (7 years old)
She said her friends were being mean to other people and she wanted no part of it.
So she came home...oh well..she said. i'll just spend sometime with my daddy
i had never gave that child anytype of lecture pertaining to such matters.
Imagian that..make a chioce to remove yourself from a bad situation and taking actions without guilt.
SHE's NORMAL...lol
As long as i was honest with her and communicate with her in ways that she can comprehend.
She taught a lesson. We had to see eye to eye.lol She communicate in ways that i can comphrend.lol
That little girl stood her grounds and had pouding my head against the wall.
The day came when i had to get on my knees and asked her " kelsy... please"
An old soul that just happened to be in a child's body at the time.
She came home oneday...just a little fruastraded. (7 years old)
She said her friends were being mean to other people and she wanted no part of it.
So she came home...oh well..she said. i'll just spend sometime with my daddy
i had never gave that child anytype of lecture pertaining to such matters.
Imagian that..make a chioce to remove yourself from a bad situation and taking actions without guilt.
SHE's NORMAL...lol
Last edited by SaTiT; 04-11-2007 at 10:41 AM.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey LG..like you I also believe that everything happens for a reason and indeed has a message and learning experience for us. The little hairs on the back on my neck stood up when I read your post. Bingo! It has been in my sobriety that I realized how many messages, red flags, intuitions etc etc..that I chose to ignore (just drank in order to tolerate)...therefore did not learn, did not take action and did not end the cycle.
I LOVE lightbulb moments!
I LOVE lightbulb moments!
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
thks nuudawn , i feel so empowered today , it just hit me like a ton of bricks .. 'take care of you and your kids and leave your ah to take care of himself ' .. i swear there was music playing when i heard ! lol
then my two oldest sisters called me .. (im the youngest of 5 girls) .. they protect me and care for me like my mom does (parents live out of state) . they love my ah too and want him to get better but sometimes they can be tough .. told me to 'change the locks , get a restraining order and we will have to sell the house' ... aauuugghhh ... talk about taking the wind out of your sails !
then my two oldest sisters called me .. (im the youngest of 5 girls) .. they protect me and care for me like my mom does (parents live out of state) . they love my ah too and want him to get better but sometimes they can be tough .. told me to 'change the locks , get a restraining order and we will have to sell the house' ... aauuugghhh ... talk about taking the wind out of your sails !
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
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lol..I hear ya. I'm at my mom's right now and was just calling around to get prices on mufflers. She kept interjecting and telling me where to go and what to do. Here I was trying to take care of my own problem and she just had to get right in there and "help". I too am the baby of my family...Whew...talk about unsolicited advice everywhere ya turn huh? You just do whatever that awesome little message centre in you tells ya to do. I had to tell a friend just yesterday to stop with the "helpful suggestions" about my career search cuz she's muffling my own voice and intution. She totally understood.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: concord, nc
Posts: 304
Just take it one day at a time. I know that your heart breaks for your children. My heart breaks for mine. Some people think that when children get older, it gets easier. Wrong, mine are 21 and 27. Hurt is hurt, no matter the age. One bridge at a time.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I have told the younger kids in the family about A as much as possible--others would like to keep it quiet but I think there is nothing more powerful for them to come to learn than the reason they lost their uncle etc...is because of the A--that they are predisposed genetically--and to never ever even have one drink in their lives so they wont have to suffer even my AS has told them--look what happened to me? I should have listened to her!
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
thk you !
sunflower i agree with you , im very honest with my kids , i never berate their dad or blame him , i tell them very matter of factly that he has a sickness and no matter how good we are or how well their grades are or how happy we make him , we cannot cure him . the thought of them growing up with low self-esteem kills me .
thats exactly what i tell them too , the only way to know you are an alcoholic is to drink , dont ever do it . they all say the same thing now , 'im never going to drink mommy , never' .. i know they say that and mean it now but come high school they may feel differently so it will continue to be an open discussion in my home .
i thank you again for all your wisdom in your posts and i will keep you and your son in my prayers
sunflower i agree with you , im very honest with my kids , i never berate their dad or blame him , i tell them very matter of factly that he has a sickness and no matter how good we are or how well their grades are or how happy we make him , we cannot cure him . the thought of them growing up with low self-esteem kills me .
thats exactly what i tell them too , the only way to know you are an alcoholic is to drink , dont ever do it . they all say the same thing now , 'im never going to drink mommy , never' .. i know they say that and mean it now but come high school they may feel differently so it will continue to be an open discussion in my home .
i thank you again for all your wisdom in your posts and i will keep you and your son in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I agree with how you are handleing this--so many mothers etc..put everything into secrets--the kids get confused and blame themselves--you are putting down a good foundation for their futures--which is when they will be put to the test like allof us are...but maybe --just maybe--they will not blame themselves--and think twice about picking up that drink...I also never belittled his father outloud--he grew up without him and he is an A as well--boy sometimes I wanted too! I just said what you say to your now. Didnt work fr my son--but it may for yours..
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pasadena,Ca
Posts: 147
LGLG07,
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am also a mother of two, ages 6 and 9. I was fortunate to get sober before my kids were born and have remained so. I have also questioned why God brings these things into our lives. I arrived at the conclusion that I, by the Grace of God have sobriety today and have the opportunity and the responsibility to stop this cycle. Alcoholism runs in both my and my husbands families. Nobody in our house drinks, but there is so much dysfuntion that comes from growing up with,in and around this disease. I get scared for my children because I know that ultimately I can't control the future. What I can do is be honest with them (something tht never happened in my house). I can educate them and give them as many skills and tools as possible. If one or both of them starts drinking I have the knowledge and experience that my parents didn't have.
It is a bittersweet aha moment.
-K
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am also a mother of two, ages 6 and 9. I was fortunate to get sober before my kids were born and have remained so. I have also questioned why God brings these things into our lives. I arrived at the conclusion that I, by the Grace of God have sobriety today and have the opportunity and the responsibility to stop this cycle. Alcoholism runs in both my and my husbands families. Nobody in our house drinks, but there is so much dysfuntion that comes from growing up with,in and around this disease. I get scared for my children because I know that ultimately I can't control the future. What I can do is be honest with them (something tht never happened in my house). I can educate them and give them as many skills and tools as possible. If one or both of them starts drinking I have the knowledge and experience that my parents didn't have.
It is a bittersweet aha moment.
-K
Let Go Let God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
thank you so much for all the reassurance everyone . i am really in a good place right now . so many times you question yourself on whether or not what you are doing is right . am i giving them too much information ? are they to young to understand ? am i overwhelming them ? but they just keep amazing me by being so mature .
socalgal - way to go on your sobriety ! you should be very proud . there is no greater feeling then when we overcome an obstacle and alcoholism is so beyond an obstacle . your children are going to grow stronger because of it . they are very lucky .
i tell my ah repeatedly that he needs to get sober for him but he is still stuck on getting sober to save our marriage . its just not going to work that way , instead its going to ruin it . you and the other recovering alcoholics on this site as well as the loved ones give me so much hope . so glad i found it !
socalgal - way to go on your sobriety ! you should be very proud . there is no greater feeling then when we overcome an obstacle and alcoholism is so beyond an obstacle . your children are going to grow stronger because of it . they are very lucky .
i tell my ah repeatedly that he needs to get sober for him but he is still stuck on getting sober to save our marriage . its just not going to work that way , instead its going to ruin it . you and the other recovering alcoholics on this site as well as the loved ones give me so much hope . so glad i found it !
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