Addicted to Pain??
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Addicted to Pain??
Do you guys think it's possible to be addicted to the pain?
I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I am. Sometimes I feel like I can't hurt enough. Sometimes I'm scared of myself.
Is there anybody who can relate? Am I alone in this one?
I've been thinking, lately, that maybe I am. Sometimes I feel like I can't hurt enough. Sometimes I'm scared of myself.
Is there anybody who can relate? Am I alone in this one?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Although I haven't felt that way lately, I know I have wondered that very thing previously. I know that I've had moments of intense pain where I KNOW that its better than feeling nothing at all. Pain has kept me connected to the source of my pain when I'm not ready to let go of it yet. In moments I have felt comfort in emotional pain just knowing I have lived and I have loved ..and that my sorrow was once my joy. The pain/pleasure cycle is very much that of addiction...very much. My relationship with alcohol was all about the pleasure and the pain..the pleasure and the pain...the highs, the lows, the roller coaster, the drama...yep, made me feel alive sometimes....
Beautiful things (art, music, literature) are often created and inspired by intense pain.
Beautiful things (art, music, literature) are often created and inspired by intense pain.
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
i dont think you are addicted to pain , i think it comes from being in your comfort zone . when you are there , you know what to expect so its a sense of comfort .. as soon as you try to make a move to do better its the unknown so its scary and brings you back to where you are comfortable ... even if its painful , its a pain that you know , we feel its btr to be hurt by a pain that we know rather than a pain that we dont ..
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, I really cannot relate, however I do know that we can program our mind to be a continous loop, replaying the same thoughts over and over again, to our own determent...for that to be corrected we need to edit the tape, by replacing the same old with new positive thoughts. It can be done, takes time and effort....it's up to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I don't believe that I was addicted to the pain - though, like you, I wondered sometimes.
As was already said by someone else - I, too, believe that it's more about your comfort zone.
When we become used to certain things (including feelings), that is all we know. We know how that feelings feels, we know what to expect - it is and can become our comfort zone.
For a long time, I didn't know HOW to be happy. That sounds odd to even say it - but it's the truth. I didn't know HOW to lighten up and have fun - and I'd forgotten how to truly live life.
I hope that you aren't addicted to the pain - I hope for you that you can find new joy and happiness and that you'll find a way to release the pain and learn that life can be so much better.
As was already said by someone else - I, too, believe that it's more about your comfort zone.
When we become used to certain things (including feelings), that is all we know. We know how that feelings feels, we know what to expect - it is and can become our comfort zone.
For a long time, I didn't know HOW to be happy. That sounds odd to even say it - but it's the truth. I didn't know HOW to lighten up and have fun - and I'd forgotten how to truly live life.
I hope that you aren't addicted to the pain - I hope for you that you can find new joy and happiness and that you'll find a way to release the pain and learn that life can be so much better.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
I agree with the comfort zone thing and I agree too that I'm not sure how to be happy. I've been like this for so long and it is now familiar. I can see that.
It's just sometimes I have those moments when everything is collapsing in around me and I can't get my voice heard and none of this life seems real and suddenly I'm surrounded with hopelessness...it's in those moments I need the pain.
It makes me feel real or hmm...at least gives me something else to focus on. I'm not sure.
It's just sometimes I have those moments when everything is collapsing in around me and I can't get my voice heard and none of this life seems real and suddenly I'm surrounded with hopelessness...it's in those moments I need the pain.
It makes me feel real or hmm...at least gives me something else to focus on. I'm not sure.
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
sometimes too i think we are so used to being disappointed that when we catch ourselves being happy , we tend to fight it subconsciencely , as if we are afraid something horrible is going to happen and bring us back down to our misery so we may as well beat it to the punch . just a thought
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
when u r feeling , you know you are alive , you do exist , even if it is pain . and that seems to be whats most comfortable to you . you can change that , allow yourself to be happy , you are worth the laughter and the sunshine that happiness brings . start with the little things .
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by LGLG07 
sometimes too i think we are so used to being disappointed that when we catch ourselves being happy , we tend to fight it subconsciencely , as if we are afraid something horrible is going to happen and bring us back down to our misery so we may as well beat it to the punch . just a thought
I'm tired of blaming my AH for my unhappiness but I still feel like I'm a kid looking in the candy store window. There's a penny in my pocket but maybe I'll need it for a rainy day. So, I don't walk in. I keep leaving happiness behind.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
nogard, ain't that the truth?
This last mess I stepped into didn't even vaguely resemble pain five years ago. Now I realize that once we got married, it was a living he** on earth, just like the one before and the one before that and the one before that ....
We hate the pain, but we glom onto it time and time again. I don't think we enjoy the pain, but it's all we know. It's what we grew up with. We keep picking it because we want, just this one time, to make it right with the wrong person. Our parents did the best they could, but they did it wrong and made us feel responsible for it being wrong.
What choice did we have? We were responsible for making it wrong when we were kids, so as adults we go out and seek abusers, addicts, emotionally ill people - all in the name of being responsible this time for making it right.
Nah ... we don't love pain, we just want the fairy-tale outcome that we have wished for so hard all our lives.
We hate the pain, but we glom onto it time and time again. I don't think we enjoy the pain, but it's all we know. It's what we grew up with. We keep picking it because we want, just this one time, to make it right with the wrong person. Our parents did the best they could, but they did it wrong and made us feel responsible for it being wrong.
What choice did we have? We were responsible for making it wrong when we were kids, so as adults we go out and seek abusers, addicts, emotionally ill people - all in the name of being responsible this time for making it right.
Nah ... we don't love pain, we just want the fairy-tale outcome that we have wished for so hard all our lives.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
you need to talk to a professional about this asap--it is a dark place to be--I have been there--it almost cost me my life--I couln't get the pain out--I couldn't control anything happenning around me--spiraled out of control--I even cut myself--I got help--you should to
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
when i was 21 i was engaged to my boyfriend of 6 yrs . we were inseparable we had a fight 3 days b4 his 21st bday . on the morning of his bday (2days b4 xmas) he came to my house and told me how much he loved me and how sorry he was ( no alcohol ever involved in this relationship, we were very young ) . he left to go pick up my xmas present and i went to babysit my nephews . i was on cloud nine , im 21 and in love , planning a wedding , both our familys were thrilled . it was a good time in my life . at 3 that afternoon i got a call , he was in an accident .
long story short the next 3 yrs were spent by his bedside , caring for him , changing his feeding tube , taking care of his prothstetic leg . he lived for 12 more years , was 32 when he died but he was always 21 to me .
point is , i went from the happiest i could of possibly been to the absolute lowest point ive ever felt in a matter of one phone call . very hard to be comfortable being happy now , always assuming something terrible is going to happen . im sure some of you can relate , different story maybe but same emotions . when so many years go by like that , with you fighting off happiness , you cant expect to jump all over it when it shows its face again , you have to work at it everyday
long story short the next 3 yrs were spent by his bedside , caring for him , changing his feeding tube , taking care of his prothstetic leg . he lived for 12 more years , was 32 when he died but he was always 21 to me .
point is , i went from the happiest i could of possibly been to the absolute lowest point ive ever felt in a matter of one phone call . very hard to be comfortable being happy now , always assuming something terrible is going to happen . im sure some of you can relate , different story maybe but same emotions . when so many years go by like that , with you fighting off happiness , you cant expect to jump all over it when it shows its face again , you have to work at it everyday
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