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Old 06-05-2007, 08:25 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I read the best way to support an recovering alcoholic is to focus on yourself and not try to be a part of thier process. That it is something they need to do on their own.
Hi Serenityvalley, I am Martin a recovered alcoholic, the best thing you can do for her recovery is just what you were told, first focus on your self.

If she has quit again and ask for advice on something give it, when it comes to her recovery she needs to be totally in charge of it. Notice I said If she has quit again , if she has then basically let her know you are proud of her, if she wants to talk about it with you then do so, but if she doesn't simply accept that and focus on what you have control over which is you.

If she is drinking again then the best thing to do for her is focus on your self, let her deal with her drinking, you have no control over her, if she ask for a ride to a meeting or possibly her therapist that is cool, but if she wants money or anything else tell her she is going to have to deal with that on her own as long as she is drinking and not working on her recovery.

I am a recovered alcoholic and the only way I got sober was by having to face my disease and all the problems that I created head on with out any one being thier to bail me out. In simple terms I had to have the safety net removed and be allowed to hit my bottom.
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:42 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
get it, give it, grow in it
 
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you learned quickly that we can't be the savior for anyone.Addiction is a progressive disease with relapse looming without due diligence. We can have compassion for the wonderful people in our lives with addiction but we often have to detach to keep the insanity at bay.
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Old 06-07-2007, 08:28 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Well I've had my moments of guilt for having to break up with her... but her constant barrage of childish nasty grams and phone calls (and she's in her 40s) kinda help alleviate some of them. It just re-enforced my reasoning that she is not ready for a relationship right now. And I held to my vow of not responding or retaliating. I just let it go as I know she was hurting and they were only words.

Once again thank you for letting me turn to you all for guidance and suggestions. I really do appreciate each and every response!
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Old 06-07-2007, 08:34 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Its hard to do the right thing and even harder to stick to the decision.... Its a boundry issue for sure and it hurts alot sometimes.....

Thank you for coming here and sharing with us.
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