Any insights?
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: concord, nc
Posts: 304
Any insights?
Many things, such as lying, blow my mind. Another HUGE mind blower for me is avoidance. AH went to rehab March 1st. I had already told him that he had to leave our home. He called once from rehab only to find out if I was going to let him come back. The answer was "no." During this quick conversation he never ask about his two daughters. He got out of rehab on March 23rd. No one has heard from him. I am assuming he is with his parents. How does he do this--not call his children? How does he turn his back on his own flesh and blood? I don't understand and neither do they.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
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There were so many occasions when my Ahusband was not living with us and we had not heard from his in several days, that when he did call ... it would always be about him and his problems. He would try to persuade me to let him move back in, and never addressed the reality of his likely relapse and repeating old behaviors. The conversation nearly always revolved around his needs and wants .. not the damage his family was trying to recover from. There never seemed to be a desire to protect us from the insanity of alcoholism all while he professed to care so much for his children ... but his actions did not reflect that same concern. So many times when he did call after days of not speaking to him... he would never ask about his kids .. and it would break my heart. I understand it more now than I did then ... he was an alcoholic and even when he stopped for short periods, he still was not himself and was still caught up in his own very self involved world.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Seeking Wisdom, thank you. You wrote what I feel. It is so sad, for everyone. The A's miss out on so much, so many joys. In my mind I can't even go to where my girls are. Did that sentence make any sense? The pain and hurt are too great. I talk to them about what I have learned from this board--about the three C's. I tell them that we are a family and we will be ok.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Of course I don't know you're husband but I am an alcoholic. When I sobered up..my wreckage wasn't all that bad...not in comparison to some. When you sober up, the process is about standing up to and within yourself. We can only take what we can bear to face. My guess is your husband has tremendous shame about his abilities thus far about being a father. I'm guessing he hasnt' been a great one. Essentially, he's in denial. Don't ask about my kids..and I don't have to deal with that right now. His shame about it may be incredibly deep...and he may not be ready to go there. His recovery is in its infancy... I doubt he's come to much of anything yet other than sobriety.... he has much work, pain, struggle, shame, anger, etc to start working on.
I feel badly for your daughters..but simply, your husband is not well...and likely won't be for quite sometime. My wish is that he continues to recover....the odds are not in our favour.
I feel badly for your daughters..but simply, your husband is not well...and likely won't be for quite sometime. My wish is that he continues to recover....the odds are not in our favour.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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it is true Nuudawn--some of them are wonderful with the kids--far and few though----I left my EXAH when my son was 2 he never called or wrote or anything for 25 years! And I was happy--he was such a jerk-and still is I understand -I am glad my son never had to live with his BS and had a wonderful childhood..
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Another thing, Nudawn you are right, he has never been "super Dad." Why? Because I did everything and he knew I would do everything. So right now, where ever he is, he knows that I will take care of the girls. Must be nice to be able to depend on and believe in another person! Thanks--needed to vent.
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
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my ah did the same thing after rehab , it was alwys about him , where he was going to live , poor me i have to stay in my truck , where am i gonna get money ? . then when he did talk to the kids (10 , 8 & 6 at the time) , what do you think he said to them .. poor daddy had to sleep in his truck last nght , i cant eat because i dont have any money , i have no place to go . i am always grateful now when he doesnt talk to them !
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[QUOTE=loveRoy;1281781]Another thing, Nudawn you are right, he has never been "super Dad." Why? Because I did everything and he knew I would do everything. So right now, where ever he is, he knows that I will take care of the girls. Must be nice to be able to depend on and believe in another person! Thanks--needed to vent.[/QUOTE
I hope you recognize and appreciate how valuable you truly are. It takes one helluva person to be the sole emotional provider in a family...especially when dealing with a drunk child to boot. You are obviously a loving and caring mother...not easily done....this whole site is chockfull of the effects of bad parenting.
I hope you recognize and appreciate how valuable you truly are. It takes one helluva person to be the sole emotional provider in a family...especially when dealing with a drunk child to boot. You are obviously a loving and caring mother...not easily done....this whole site is chockfull of the effects of bad parenting.
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