why is it...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I did reserch on co-dependency and it help me very much.
I knew I couldn't totally focus on myself, but at least I was
shifting my focus away from my GF.
My mind gets into an obsession of trying to get an answer that i needed.
Turth or not, even if my GF was telling me the truth..i still wouln't belive it.
So I get into that same pattern of living, habits that I pick up as a child.
The root of my problem is not with my GF. It's like I get myself into
these situations or play a role to repeat those un-resolved pain and
anger i have since childhood.
The book "love is a chioce" explain what was happening to me or
what I was doing.
The events in my life triggers pain or emotions semilar to the pain
that I'm familar with. On a subconsicious level I choose to do it.
The pain or emotion of current life situation acts like a snow ball.
The snowball picks up momentum , as it gains more wieght , it
splits into two snowballs. My childhood pain, fears is the second
snowball. This is an opporrtunitty in crissis. These events happens
because it's an opportunity for me to resolve my childhood anger.
I create them. If I choose to look at the child inside of me from
the perspective of a loving adult. I then can heal that child inside of
me, being a loving parent to myself, holding that child and letting
him cried, allowing the child to express and release the anger that's
it's been carrying for so many years.
So the answers,truth or healing I'm seeking is not with my GF.
The dramma that I choose to create are just triggers of my
deep rooted problems or pain that needs to get resolved.
it is why I choose to get into a unhealthy relationship or is attracted to
certain types of people. Logically i don't set out to do this.
Subconsiously i do...I have a radar.
I don't have to go home of my childhood
I bring home to me. Just like birds will fly south for the winter.
I have this radar also.
I knew I couldn't totally focus on myself, but at least I was
shifting my focus away from my GF.
My mind gets into an obsession of trying to get an answer that i needed.
Turth or not, even if my GF was telling me the truth..i still wouln't belive it.
So I get into that same pattern of living, habits that I pick up as a child.
The root of my problem is not with my GF. It's like I get myself into
these situations or play a role to repeat those un-resolved pain and
anger i have since childhood.
The book "love is a chioce" explain what was happening to me or
what I was doing.
The events in my life triggers pain or emotions semilar to the pain
that I'm familar with. On a subconsicious level I choose to do it.
The pain or emotion of current life situation acts like a snow ball.
The snowball picks up momentum , as it gains more wieght , it
splits into two snowballs. My childhood pain, fears is the second
snowball. This is an opporrtunitty in crissis. These events happens
because it's an opportunity for me to resolve my childhood anger.
I create them. If I choose to look at the child inside of me from
the perspective of a loving adult. I then can heal that child inside of
me, being a loving parent to myself, holding that child and letting
him cried, allowing the child to express and release the anger that's
it's been carrying for so many years.
So the answers,truth or healing I'm seeking is not with my GF.
The dramma that I choose to create are just triggers of my
deep rooted problems or pain that needs to get resolved.
it is why I choose to get into a unhealthy relationship or is attracted to
certain types of people. Logically i don't set out to do this.
Subconsiously i do...I have a radar.
I don't have to go home of my childhood
I bring home to me. Just like birds will fly south for the winter.
I have this radar also.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
This jumped out at me....
OK.... Please remember to take what you want and leave the rest. Also anything that I say is honestly said in love, sometimes I fail to get the delivery right... but I do mean well.
What I have in quotes is in my opinion the basic problem you have in this thought process. Because of the way you were brought up... My parents were responsible for me and how I was brought up till about 16.... then I knew it all
and they could not "parent" me anymore. They messed up and some would say alot... my thinking was pretty warped for a long time... but at the age of 18 it became "MY" responsibility.
I know the problems that I struggle with and the reactions that are hard to deal with... to "feel ok", but those are "my" feelings and I can choose to change them, I can choose to work on my issues, problems etc.... I can also choose to remove people from my life when there behavior is toxic to me.
I know that it sounds rather harsh... but I had a male friend and for 5 years we were pretty close. We tried a relaitonship but it did not work for me and so we became friends.... He never got to the point of not "trying" for that relationship and as time went by he developed huge resentments and became more agressive.... As much as I loved the guy I removed him from my life because the trust was broken, We kept repeating the same things (insanity), I kept trying to believe this would change in him... and kept trying. There comes a time when you just have to say enough.
So my question would be.... Why are you still doing the same thing and thinking there will be a different result? This really is your problem, not his.... he is a lier and seems happy to stay that way.
but he doesnt realize that because of growing up like that and being lied to i HAVE to know everything to feel ok.
What I have in quotes is in my opinion the basic problem you have in this thought process. Because of the way you were brought up... My parents were responsible for me and how I was brought up till about 16.... then I knew it all
and they could not "parent" me anymore. They messed up and some would say alot... my thinking was pretty warped for a long time... but at the age of 18 it became "MY" responsibility.I know the problems that I struggle with and the reactions that are hard to deal with... to "feel ok", but those are "my" feelings and I can choose to change them, I can choose to work on my issues, problems etc.... I can also choose to remove people from my life when there behavior is toxic to me.
I know that it sounds rather harsh... but I had a male friend and for 5 years we were pretty close. We tried a relaitonship but it did not work for me and so we became friends.... He never got to the point of not "trying" for that relationship and as time went by he developed huge resentments and became more agressive.... As much as I loved the guy I removed him from my life because the trust was broken, We kept repeating the same things (insanity), I kept trying to believe this would change in him... and kept trying. There comes a time when you just have to say enough.
So my question would be.... Why are you still doing the same thing and thinking there will be a different result? This really is your problem, not his.... he is a lier and seems happy to stay that way.
soberinnyc
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 32
I know nothing!
The longer I stay sober the more I realize I know very little. I know I'm an alcoholic. I know I'm powerless over people, places and things. I know I'm not going to drink today. I know that while there is breath there is hope. I know I'm one of 6.5 billion people.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by suckerpunch 
thats how i am. i will want to know everything. ill find myself holding back sometimes because i know he gets mad at me asking but i still have to know. it usually happens after i found ive been lied to and then i think about "what if that was fake too"
i also have severe codependant issues with it
i also have severe codependant issues with it
Why are you in town? Are you being good(that's code for are you drinking)? What are you doing? Are you being good? Have you been to the store? Are you being good? Have you talked to anyone? Are you being good? You promised to be good.
And I was sounding syrupy sweet the whole time I'm drilling him. And then he finally got ticked off and drove away. I was soooo mad at myself for getting all clingy. And all because he was drunk a few nights ago and I feel let down again and unable to trust again.
So then I left and on my way home he calls me and says, "I thought you said you could always tell when I'm drinking?"
So now I'm thinking how am I going to convince him I know when he's drinking? See...totally crazy!
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
I totally got side-tracked with where I was going...sorry!
My point was We have to stop asking. Today I blew it. But I don't blow it everyday. Some days I do good and doing good is starting to feel good.
Try not asking. Try focusing on yourself. Try making your life about you. It really is liberating. And then, when you have days like I had...brush it off and start over.
My point was We have to stop asking. Today I blew it. But I don't blow it everyday. Some days I do good and doing good is starting to feel good.
Try not asking. Try focusing on yourself. Try making your life about you. It really is liberating. And then, when you have days like I had...brush it off and start over.
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