justjo

Hi, I have been replying to some of you in the posts. Sometimes I find myself being abrupt and straight to the point. I think ok we all have common sense dont we blah blah blah.. We all really know dont we?
Why do we put up with all of this? Because we love them dont we.

Then I sit here quietly, and cry. I miss her so much, where has she gone, where is she going. Why is she doing this and how long do I have to wait. I hadnt spoken to her for one month because of what happened the last time she relapsed and went back into rehab. OK I caved in and called her. It sounded like her, I missed her. She said she was doing OK. I have heard this so many times and wonder when she will relapse again. I dont want her to think I have deserted her and I dont want her to think I am going along with it.
I especially dont want to bury her..
Sorry Just having a bad day.

Janitw

Justjo - I hear you hun....today I cried myself...as I do everyday. I miss my ex so much. This disease is horrific and its emotional death. I dont know if you know my story but click on my name and you can read my history. The pain you are going through is very intense and I know it well. My XAH left the kids and I 8 times over 22 years and finaly bailed on us permanently in July 2005. I didnt understand it either and I dont today. All I know is - is that it hurts and hurts alot. The pain does get somewhat easier from day to day and month to month but I will be honest with you and I wont sugar coat it. The longer she is away the better you are and I know that this is not what you want to hear. If she is able to be apart from you for a month at a time then you as well as all of us need to re-examine the relationships we are in. Because normal people don't hurt their loved ones this way or any other way. What would you advise a friend who was in your shoes? Answer this and you will have your answer. Yes she may very well relapse again and maybe again after that....time will tell my friend. Time tells everything. I hate to see you or any of us hurting so badly..and I send to you hugs and more hugs. Stay strong and stay the course. Sometimes the best strength we can muster up is simply not responding at all. She has to do this on her own and in her own time. I hope all works out for you - and her. Take care..

lilac

Crying cleanses the soul..........I am sorry you are hurting......that any of us are hurting. Just know that you are not alone here.

SaTiT

I swere to you, i'm surprise my damn neck didn't
snap everytime i saw a blonde driving a silver sadan go down the street or cross my path. Do you know how many
damn silver cars there is out there ?

it sucks...I know, it wasn't that long ago for me.
I guess it really, really takes a real man to shead some
tears and admit it.

yes that damn...paperback on co-dependency just
sitting on the counter for months before i even opened it.
Even when i first pick it up..it gave me a freaken big
arss headache.

I didn't keep on writing ACCEPTENCE is a SOB all these
time without reasons....

But the wickage thing about it is....
she was always so distance so far away(sitting at home)
I've been alone, all alone.

So..what the hell was I really missing ???

Pick-a-name

Busted!.....my exAH drives a silver sedan,too......

Know the feelings all too well,too. When I feel that way and so overwhelmed, it helps me to "shift-gears" by coming here to read and post.

Hope the day improves for each of you!

MsGolightly

i had a really rough day yesterday too. i cry a lot... the pain is often unbearable. it's so overwhelming. i think about my ex all the time. i constantly wonder who she's out drinking with, if she's drinking at home, did she hit her head on the kitchen counter and is now lying unconscious on her kitchen floor, bleeding to death? believe me, i think about it all. i think about how maybe she never will get her act together. maybe she really will die at home. maybe she doesn't see how precious life is, and how she's wasting her away. maybe she didn't give herself enough credit. maybe she's not ready to grow up, and let go of the drinking buddies that hold her back and encourage her to go out and drink... who show her the life she should have if she was "normal." it's all very sad, and i cry often, and i just keep telling myself it HAS to get better. we only live once and i don't know about you, but i don't want to spend my days and nights crying over someone who isn't crying over losing me.

i don't know about you, but the weather is gorgeous here today and it's put me in a better mood, even though i woke up with a splitting headache and just wanted to crawl back to bed. i'm looking for the small things that make me feel better... i'm looking forward to watching a good movie when i get home from work!

things get easier, but i'm not sure if i can tell you that the tears and the pain ever completely stop. the mourning period has to end sometime right?

Seeking Wisdom

The pain we feel because of this devasting disease is sometimes unbearable. Glad you found us ..and keep reading, it will help you find serenity in your life and peace with the decisions you have had to make.

prodigal

To be honest with you, I think I loved the man who is gone. What is left now, I do NOT love. To be honest with myself, I think I fell "in love" with what I wanted him to be. It was a lot of illusion. It was also seeing him on his best behavior. Then we got married. End of story. 'Nuff said about that fiasco.

justjo

Thanks to all ! You are all marvellous people and I relate so much to all of you. IsThisForMe hit it right on the nail... Yep, I know it may never end. The real question I suppose I ask myself is - OK god, what am I really learning from this? And why so Long? Is that selfish to ask.

Better get to work now. IsThisForMe - thanks and the weather in Australia is 23 today. Just Beautiful.