Dilemmas
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Dilemmas
Two things have come up that trigger my codie traits...Projecting ahead...
I think I saw an exbf (not the alcoholic one that brought me there) around my apartment pool. If it was him, he was with a group of people and looked my direction. Now I see that he's tried to make contact with me through one of the high school reunion sites. My dilemma is do I make contact back? What if he lives in the same complex? I'm curious, but want to be cautious, too. I also just want to start fresh and not really have the past following me. I don't want to hold myself up in my apt. either so I don't run into him.
I pay for the pool, too and want to be able to go out without hesitation.
Second thing, when I went to CA at the beginning of the week with my aunt,
we met a group of people and one guy I talked to was from a nearby city in AZ. We ended up exchanging e-mails. I did it out of politeness, but really don't have a further interest. I know I'd end up caretaking and have decided I can't do that. If contacted, what do I say without feeling guilty and trying not to be mean?
I'd like to go out eventually on a real date, but I'm at a point now where I think I'll be too picky and find fault with everyone or I'll think I'll have to rescue them. How do you move forward without limiting everything?
I think I saw an exbf (not the alcoholic one that brought me there) around my apartment pool. If it was him, he was with a group of people and looked my direction. Now I see that he's tried to make contact with me through one of the high school reunion sites. My dilemma is do I make contact back? What if he lives in the same complex? I'm curious, but want to be cautious, too. I also just want to start fresh and not really have the past following me. I don't want to hold myself up in my apt. either so I don't run into him.
I pay for the pool, too and want to be able to go out without hesitation.
Second thing, when I went to CA at the beginning of the week with my aunt,
we met a group of people and one guy I talked to was from a nearby city in AZ. We ended up exchanging e-mails. I did it out of politeness, but really don't have a further interest. I know I'd end up caretaking and have decided I can't do that. If contacted, what do I say without feeling guilty and trying not to be mean?
I'd like to go out eventually on a real date, but I'm at a point now where I think I'll be too picky and find fault with everyone or I'll think I'll have to rescue them. How do you move forward without limiting everything?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
do not be afraid if you take it slowly you have a better chance of taking the time to make sureit is ok---don't rush.No on ever really knows if anything is definate when it comes to dating and relationships....Start dating and go slow--make sure you really really know someone before you commit to anything
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
The road to recovery sure does lead to more difficult choices/decisions.
I keep second guessing everything which drives me nuts! It's almost harder in some ways to have opportunities. When with my exabf I knew the routine.
I keep second guessing everything which drives me nuts! It's almost harder in some ways to have opportunities. When with my exabf I knew the routine.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
first of all, i'm jealous you can be sitting outside at your pool right now!
secondly, i think when the time is right for you to start dating again, you will, full of confidence and better than ever. after my break up, i was so consumed with trying to go on dates, even just to keep myself occupied and see if someone else could possibly be interested in me again... but i realize now that i'm just not ready for that quite yet. i think i'll know when i am.
secondly, i think when the time is right for you to start dating again, you will, full of confidence and better than ever. after my break up, i was so consumed with trying to go on dates, even just to keep myself occupied and see if someone else could possibly be interested in me again... but i realize now that i'm just not ready for that quite yet. i think i'll know when i am.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
If contacted, what do I say without feeling guilty and trying not to be mean?
As the others have said you will know when you are ready to date. However, even when you think you are ready, talk with your sponsor, lol
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
ewwww azzie!!!!! dating scares the bejeesus outta me. i have come to enjoy being by myself so much.....too much, maybe.
but i've ventured out on a dinner date, and shook his hand when we said goodbye!! ha hahah ahahahaha
in my case, i'm taking it very slow......i agree with laurie....talk to your sponsor about any action you take....it will help just talking.
it all makes me feel like i'm 15 again and awkward as all get out....shy, nervous, maybe even stupid acting when faced with someone flirting with me.
and here i am...54 in just a few days....you'd think i was a virgin planning my first encounter and having no social skills at all. lol
but i've ventured out on a dinner date, and shook his hand when we said goodbye!! ha hahah ahahahaha
in my case, i'm taking it very slow......i agree with laurie....talk to your sponsor about any action you take....it will help just talking.
it all makes me feel like i'm 15 again and awkward as all get out....shy, nervous, maybe even stupid acting when faced with someone flirting with me.
and here i am...54 in just a few days....you'd think i was a virgin planning my first encounter and having no social skills at all. lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
If you receive an email from the one guy, either ignore it or respond back that you are not ready for anything serious........I know, us codies trying to ignore something like that? 
If you see the other guy again maybe speak to him? say hello? and keep walking......
Just take them baby steps and it'll come to you .....don't do what this codie would do and have obsessive thoughts
If you see the other guy again maybe speak to him? say hello? and keep walking......
Just take them baby steps and it'll come to you .....don't do what this codie would do and have obsessive thoughts
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I have to applaud you here!
I believe that many codies in your situation may find that they'd feel obligated to go out with the man you met and exchanged email addresses with.
I believe that you are recovering and it's showing.
You know that you are don't want to date this man and you see the red flags that are waving about! Good for you!
As for the possible ex living in the same complex as you. Just remember, he's an ex for a reason. If you happen to run into him, you can make idle chatter and be friendly. If he expects more than that, that's his issue, not yours. You aren't ready for a relationship and that's how it is.
As has been mentioned, you'll know when you are ready to date. Stand firm in how you feel!
I believe that many codies in your situation may find that they'd feel obligated to go out with the man you met and exchanged email addresses with.
I believe that you are recovering and it's showing.
You know that you are don't want to date this man and you see the red flags that are waving about! Good for you!
As for the possible ex living in the same complex as you. Just remember, he's an ex for a reason. If you happen to run into him, you can make idle chatter and be friendly. If he expects more than that, that's his issue, not yours. You aren't ready for a relationship and that's how it is.
As has been mentioned, you'll know when you are ready to date. Stand firm in how you feel!
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