Dolorosa

They're not that dumb. They are that arrogant. It was my XAH's arrogance that finally convinced me to leave.

chrisea

Steel toed cement clawhoppers, they are like the big clogs we use to wear, but special made for a big event, lol.
Since xabf left, he calls (I don't answer) so he lets a msg. Now there is no background bar noise on calls, it's like the saying Cancer quits smoking. Well this is NObody to support your habit, too poor, no job, to pay yourself.

embraced2000

they are doing whatever it takes to protect their first need and love....the alcohol.

imagine a mother protecting her young.....we would do anything.

well, imo, so does the alcoholic who is trying so desperately to protect their baby. it's sad, really. they are not that dumb. they are desperate.

jmho

duet_4-8

HolyQow-That's exactly what I did. For almost a year I saved money and protected our assets. I found the attorney with the absolute best reputation for being a hard-a** in court and hired HER!! (Love that she is a woman. She doesn't back up one inch which is what I needed; not backing down has never been my strong suit.)

I slowly started telling people that I trust the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. In our secrets lie our disease, after all...

So now that I am one month into the seperation, AH is reeling because I have plenty of money, don't need him to pay the bills, have an attorney that will not put up with his BS. (He is being charged with 17 counts of contempt for violation of the restraining order she placed on him.) His financial manipulation affects me nada.

Plan what you want to do, where you want to be a year from now. And then start taking baby steps to get it done. No one says you have to do ANYTHING in the end, but knowing that you CAN is not only very powerful, it is very healthy.

HUGS TO YOU!!

elizabeth1979

Well put.

Perhaps a boundry is in order

Astro

Thanks, best. I even had a quick flashback visual of that innocent, stupid face I used to put on at those moments. Who, me????

HolyQow

You know, If I didn't laugh at everything, I would probably go crazy. Your post was funnier than mine...and thanks for the heads up on future excuses.

So far so good, he brought his beer home, but left it outside. He told me I could stay on his computer until he got back in. So I consider this a baby step...he is still drinking, but not "exactly" in my presence. (or the kids).

It's a start. I'll accept the small effort he put forth.

lillamy

HQ, I worked with a recovering A for years... he told me the story of when his wife (who had established the same rule) walked in on him in the garage at 2 am drinking wine directly out of the bottle.

She says: "I can NOT believe you!? Are you standing in the garage, at two in the morning, drinking wine straight out of the bottle???"

He says: "No."


You need to laugh sometimes, or you'd cry all the time.

aztchr

wonder what he thought he was doing??

Zoey

I think I think like they do.
we stand there saying are you doing such and such? Anyone can see exacty what they are doing, so if we ask a dumb question, why not give a dumb answer??

I knew my hubby would
answer that kind of question that way, with mischief in his eyes.

I forget who said that about standing in the garage at such a time and drinking wine out of bottle. That post was what made me think of this.

embraced2000

i've been caught with cookies in my mouth when i was on a diet, and stood there stuffing them in my mouth and chewing furiously, while exclaiming to my husband that it was broccoli. that's why it was crunching.

i'll never forget the look of disgust on his face. and the shame i felt. and i didn't even savor the cookies.....just had to get them in my gut.

that was when i weighed 165 pounds and at 5'9", i looked damned good, but he thought i was a hippo.