Sunflower

I started a new thread because the last one was soooo long--I cannot believe how all of you have replied sent me PMs and support.....What a support group!!!! I can't even remember how I found you-but am sure glad I have...I have never let half of what I have shared with all of you out before.

My Psych tells me to say ""THANK_YOU"" I have been seeing her for years and everytime she wants me to deal with the past--I refuse to go there.I think-move on the past is the past...I quess I have been wrong because it just keeps opening up.I know now---with all your help-you have made me see--I need to deal with the past and heal those open wounds-or I will never be free. My psych can't believe that I have reached this point finally and is glad I am finally ready to talk.

I fear it really--I guess inside me I am still a little 10 year old scared girl.
Top that off with the anger I have festering inside me--that is most likely going to come to a front as well....because I DO blame what happened to me on affecting alll the choices I made as an adult...I couldn't even say that before.

I have always avoided support groups for the fear it would stir all this up--seems even online that has happened...Thank God you were all here for me---Iapologise for spewing some of my confusion and anger here.
I think you may have saved me from a very isolated cold life....Now comes the beginning--I will survive----I am not a little girl anymore---gonna step inside and heal her and let her go....

Nuudawn

Frizzy..please don't apologize for your spewing...it helps us all. We're all fighting demons here....and it's comforting to know that we are not alone in our struggles. It helps everyone to hear and help when they can. It's a win-win situation.

cmc

Frizzy,
No apologies allowed! We all need to face things that are hard for us and I admire your courage to do that- knowing that it causes you to revisit the pain. I'm so proud of you for sharing so openly and so honestly- that's not easy to do. Thank you for sharing yourself with us here.
That 10 year old girl is your friend and you are hers too..and you will learn from each other what you need to. I've done some early child 'work' and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Your life will never be the same now that you are started off on this journey of recovery. What will you find? Freedom, love, self-esteem, friends... to name a few, and most of all Yourself.
Yours is a wonderful example of someone rising above and moving ahead!
hugs,
cmc

mallowcup

Hey, they say you can go back and help that little girl. Frankly, I find it very theraputic to help other little girls. Going back and opening old wounds isn't really such a long trip.
I think you can use what happened to THAT little girl to help other little girls might make you take all that pain and anger and turn it into something good.
It's prom time, find a girl and adopt her for the prom fussing. That was an important time when I missed having a motherly mother.
There are alot of girls out there who could really use a woman like you in their life.

Sunflower

yes it is a LONG trip back for me 39 years of baggage---I have to fix myself first---I have tried the other way--I can't hide it anymore. Doing good for others doesn't heal what I need to inside myself--I am no good to anyone sick....I won't be 'opening old wounds' I will be trying to close the wounds that have been open for so many years--they have nevehealed--only become deeper and tunneled around inside me.Can't ingnore that little girl I left behind--can't replace her...

laurie6781

Hey Lynn, I was 3 weeks shy of 36 when I walked through the doors of AA a very battered mangled mess of a human being.

One of the things I kept hearing was "Name it, Claim it, and Move on." That just scared the chit out of me.

However, when I sat down with my sponsor and talked, I was able to slowly start getting some of what I had buried for SO LONG out. And as some started to spew, more followed. I too had a lot to look at.

When I was finally able to admit, that I was molested by my uncle (my mom's brother) when I was 5, 6, and 7 years old, I was then able to see, how that affected the rest of my life. How I 'picked' partners, etc.

You are on the brink of a GREAT DISCOVERY and you have opened the door to HEALING. As you seem to trust your psych Dr, go ahead and spew,..................those wounds will start to heal, and you will be amazed at how quickly. You will also feel "lighter" and you will feel a "spring in your step." You will notice that you seem to be holding your head up high. The wounds will heal, and they will become part of your ES&H to share with others that will be coming along this path of recovery.

Thank you Lynn for sharing this part of your journey with us, it has brought some very good memories for me (when I was finally able to 'face' my history full on.) Thank you.

Have a great evening!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Morning Glory

Here is a link that might help.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ld-within.html

ICU

Frizzylynn,

I LOVE that!

When we are 'ready'! All good things come in time, when we are ready! It doesn't matter how long it took for us to get here - the point is, you ARE here, and you ARE ready 'now'!

I wish you all the best on your journey of healing and loving that inner child.

I'm in the process of doing that in my own way, and let me tell you, I have never felt loved before, not the way I do now....it's totally different. As the song goes..... 'the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself'!!


Morning Glory, WOW! That's a keeper to read and re-read over and over again. Thank You!!

Bjen

Happy to hear you are on your way!! I'm excited for you! I can't wait to hear what comes next for you!! I am thinking about you! I caught myself thinking about you several times yesterday in the midst of putting my floor back it and all the labor that comes with that! (even a smashed finger - that is the worse injury so far) . I do lots of thinking when I am doing stuff like that. I was trying to think of what to say to you and how to help. That is why my last post was so terribly late last night on your other thread. I was exhausted but I had to write you before I went to bed.

Have a great day today Frizzy. We're here for you!! B

greeteachday

I'm very happy that you have found it beneficial to let go of some "stuff" and that you felt comfortable enough to do so here. It sounds like you are on a good path to discovering more about yourself. That inner child wants to be heard and healed and this just sounds all good.

I know I get a bit frightened when I let out anger...it isn't an emotion I deal with often and when it comes it does scare me a bit. But I've found that letting it out and then letting it go is good for my soul. Hugs.