Mylamyyy

I`m so feeling with you Whataboutme...i started reading and knew myself in your post.

Last night i left the house with no shoes on, after he became utterly aggressive, and just drove around for hours hoping my husband would finally pass out for the night .....when i got home he had trown art, crystal bowls and china out of the window nedless to say I was mortified...

I really do not recognise the person I once married.....

Your not alone, and i`m adding you to my prayer tonight.

lilac

I have stayed over the years because I thought I could cure him.

It has to get to the point where WE have had enough.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs)))

steve11694

Hey Golfman,


You are quite eloquent and articulate, and above all honest. Your words can do a great deal in helping us to understand and cope with what we are dealing with.

Are you really Mel Gibson? Was he not arrested on a DUI?

lillamy

Thank you, Golfman -- your insights from "the other side" are very helpful. And that's what I love about this place. I have two close friends who are recovering As, but there are times when it's just too damn painful for them to talk to me about "the other side"... and I do think it's important to understand this disease from all sides.

I'm sometimes put off by the comment "when you reach your limit, you'll know it, and you'll leave"... maybe because while the disease is similar for everyone, situations aren't similar for everyone... because when people say that to me, at Al-Anon meetings, I feel like they've got all this experience and know better and they're just waiting for me to see the light, to see that the A is an ass that I need to dump... and I'm not there. Nor can I say today that I will get there at a future point in time.

What I know, and what I hang on to, is that I'm responsible for me and my children, and that's what I need to prioritize today. I don't need to know what to do tomorrow or next week or next year, but I need to know that if my AH is drunk and aggressive, it's my responsibility to remove me and the kids right now. Tomorrow is another day, and there are days that you can only handle 10 minutes at the time, sometimes by digging your fingernails into the carpet and pulling yourself forward into the next minute.

Just trust your judgment. You're saying he's gone mad, it sounds like a completely correct objective assessment of the situation.

So while I'm not of the "get away from the jerk" mindset in general, I'm sort of agreeing with Mallow here. The fact that his is the only name on the Amex card doesn't matter -- as long as you're married, his debt is your debt.

I'm not a legal expert, but I think there are measures you can take to legally fix that -- and make sure you're not held responsible for any future debt he might incure. If you're not ready for a divorce, I'd still go for changing the locks and the phone and calling a lawyer to see what your options are.

steve11694

Don't forget the Alanon disclaimer

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Sure there are all types of personalities at alanon. some project their own feelings onto others, that is human nature. some at alanon were pleased that i separated from my AW, almost like they were satisfied knowing i was not supporting her anymore. good for her it serves her right. my feelings are of love and hope. hope that on her own she will run out out of things to blame and seek recoverym for which i will help her, but that is her choice.

dollydo

He is gone, possibly forever, now what are you going to do with your life, and how are you going to get there? What is your plan?

If you don't have a plan, you plan to fail.

Time to separate your finances, to protect you and your future.

Only you can stop the insanity, he cannot, he is too far gone.