Sunflower

I have been reading all your posts for a while now and so many of you have helped me in so many ways---thank you..

Unfortunately all the sharing is making me start to question my self and bringing up old feelings again....

I really am damaged goods--and if you knew my whole story you would understand...too much has happened to me

seems like I have accepted that between all that and my being ill on top of it-I have isolated myself from living and expect nothing really from it anymore...

I was a nice person who always worked hard and did my best--and in the end I am left with nothing.Nothing but pain and sufferring--every day--day in day out---add to that the past--and sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes and go to sleep--I am a freak and a failure--everyhing I touch breaks....

newenglandgirl

((((FrizzyLynn)))
I've only known you for a short while...but your beauty, kindness, and wisdom shines through in your postings. You are having a low moment...hang in there. You always find the right thing to say to so many people here. I wish I was as eloquent as you right now! We are here for you

Janitw

frizzy......(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) )))))

You are a survivor hun.....thats not an easy thing to be..like you I live paycheck to paycheck and will probably always be a paycheck away from BK. But we just have to live day by day...you have sooooo much strength and wisdom because of what you have been through and share it freely with all of us here.....how wonderful you are. There is someone special waiting for you out there but he will not fall through your roof hun. I dont want to go out either but I am going to do it because we have to stay among the living...promise us that you will try ok. We need to put you on a personal site wouldnt that be fun???

I know you have a full plate with your AS and you are in pain constantly....but you are by no means a freak and you are NOT damaged goods either....you are stronger than you know - because you have survived all the bad that life had to dish out....and still you have kindness to share with others in pain...I wouldnt call that a freak at all...we love you hun and keep your chin up ok...

Love Ya,
Janit

chero

Oh, Frizzy, a freak and a failure!?!???? NO WAY! Does the lump of coal become a diamond without pressure? NO! Is the swan born beautiful? NO!
I don't know why you are going through all this but apparently you've something to give! If life was easy we'd never appreciate the good.
I'm sooo sorry you feel so bad tonight! I was shocked to hear it, because you've touched me sooooo many times! Made me laugh, cry, and think! You've been a rock! And now we are all here for you! You lean away on us! We'll support you through this...you'll be sparkling like a diamond in the rough before you know it!
Much love, Cheryl

free2be

No frizzy, You ARE a kind, good, loving person. Who's insight, wisdom and humor brighten's many a dark days. (((HUGS))) try not to feel so sad. XOXO

denny57

I don't think you're a freak, failure or damaged; but it hurts that you think you are. Have you talked to your doctor? Much of what happens in life is beyond our control (well, most of it I'm coming to find out). I have stuff from my past that I never thought I'd get past. I can't remember - do you have a therapist? It has been a god send for me - each shameful secret shared lightens my load.

Keep posting frizzy, it will help.

Sunflower

Just checking in to let you know I will be OK and to thank you for all the kind messagesYes I do have a therapist--one I have beengoing to for years--she is a God send--sometimes I just look at the mess behind me and inside me and I get the blues.You name it its happened to me-horrible things that resurface from time to time.I am gonna go try and get a good nights sleep now--tomorrow is another day---thanks

chero

Sleep well! Remember, tomorrow is another day, fresh with no mistakes in it!

MsGolightly

frizzy i was having a rough day too!

you are NOT damaged goods and i highly doubt anyone you know would speak about you in any remotely negative terms!

you have helped us all SO MUCH! you're always the first person to respond to make us feel better when we're having bad days just like you're having now. you were put on this earth for many reasons - one of them being to provide us with all the love and support that you've been giving!

you have an incredibly kind heart and you're always willing to help those in need. i'd say that's something to be proud of, wouldn't you?!

you'll get through this, just as we all will, because it's impossible to know what happiness is without ever experiencing pain

Bjen

Oh Frizz, I wish I was there to give you a hug. Your advice means so much to me. I respect what you say and always look forward to it. You are important to me. I hope your morning brings you more happiness. Hugs, B

SaTiT

Sweet dreams, lynn
Rest is good....

lillian

i know how you feel- but just because we feel this way now does mean it's reality-- there are all sorts of ways to feel, and this feeling will pass- if you allow it to pass, another, more beautiful feeling will come. you have reached out and helped me so much- i can't tellyou how much it means to me- there are times when i understand the AH's experience of white knuckling it- i feel shaky and sick to my stomach and want to die- but a few words from those who understand help you get through. keep reaching out, get lots of rest, and try to hold life loosely- we'll get through this, we will- if AH can do it, so can we--give yourself all the support you'd give others- you can do it

Zoey

Hope you were able to sleep, dear one. I agree with all the replys. Glad you are here.
Caring, understanding hugs!

22Tango

The following is from the Big Book of AA, but I find it always brings me a lot of comfort when I am in the rut of thinking that I am "damaged goods" and will never recover from my mistakes and my past. I try to remind myself with these promises that I may be broken, but God loves me too much to let me stay that way. I don't always move as fast as I would like, but at least I am moving!


If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are halfway through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.They will always materialize if we work for them.

Hang in there, honey!!

22Tango

AllTooSober

Oh frizzy, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! You mentioned something about looking at the mess behind you... don't forget, that mess IS behind you! As somebody's signature says (and I'm paraphrasing only a part of it), our future is spotless! ((((((((frizzy))))))))

Pick-a-name

I feel that way some days,too..........but slowly and surely, I'm getting better, inspite of myself!

Hope today is a better one for you and I am so glad you are here....you have helped me many,many times and you are very valuable to me. You DO matter and make a difference!

denny57

Working for them is the hard part. Sometimes it seemed impossible to start because I was so exhausted from living with alcoholism. Funny thing is, once I started really working at it, I got more energy. Working my own recovery was not half as exhausting as trying to work his.

Sunflower

Well-I had a good sleep last night-much needed.Took a nice walk with the dog-beautiful crisp day in New England.Guess I am in a rut and will have to work my way out of it again....I am so glad you are all here--I am usually completely alone when these feelings come up and I have no one to share them with..all your replies mean the world to me....

Nuudawn

Hey Frizzy...
I'm not all that familiar with you...but in reading these responses, looks to me like you are much loved and appreciated. You matter. To some degree, each and every one of us is a little damaged and freaky..and hell, that's just what makes us so special. I wouldn't want to spend much time with anyone who hadn't wrestled some demons...that's what gives us depth, compassion, insight, courage and strength.

We all have some pretty dark days (today is a little overcast for me as well). How wonderful that we have found a place within the world and within ourselves to reach out and get the care and acknowledgement we all need. Too many of us sit alone in our pain...no need for that!

Bright shiny blessings to ya,
T.

kermit

Ok Frizzy enough! you and I are two of a kind. I too have have a tough life, so much crap has happened to me that I often feel Like what ever I do I fail in one way or another. Having Lupus sure doesn't help! What keeps me going? Good friends, the ones who tell me STOP this talk! you are and will be everything you want to be! Just do it, don't fall into the I feel sorry for myself ****!
So i'm telling you! Get off the pitty wagon, join me and Love your life for what it is, it is okay to have a crappy past, it's up to you to have a GREAT future. I'm here for you! and I love you