JessicaNAJ

What the hell are you talking about !!!!!!! My mom said that EXACT same thing when I was 11 b/c of her divorce with my dad. It put her in total depression. She OD'd on valuum. She may have died had my 12 year old sister not wrestled the rest of them from my mothers hands. 22 years later, she has a wonderful husband and tons of grandkids. Don't EVER call yourself a freak and failure. No matter how hard it gets for you, you MS FRIZZYLYNN will NEVER bee a freak or a failure. You are beautiful, strong willed person. You wouldn't take that kinda crap from anyone else....why are you taking it from yourself?


Sorry if I overstepped my bounds............just struck a cord in me.

chero

AMEN to that, Nuu! The talks no good if you haven't made the walk!

HolyQow

I think that's what this place is for, to make us think....
Here's what I think: Was it better before I knew all of this stuff to think about? .......we all know the answer there.

Sorry you were having a bad day...

Sunflower

I did attempy suicide a few years ago--My illness was so painful and at the time I wasn't on the right medicines--I also has lost my dad-stepmom-grandmother--and cousin all in a matter of 2 years and was devastated by it all.My son was a raging A--and I fell into a dark place I would not like to visit again-I had it all planned out-and I followed through--took a whole bottle of vicodin and xanax swished it down with a bottle of wiskey--right before I passed out--My TV was on an I heard someonesay--there is always hope I know you are out there--someone accepting an award--i called 911 and was treated and spent some time in the hospital---what I mean when I say I want to sleep is that I am worn out-I am tired--if God should take me wouldn't be the worst thing....I would never ever harm myself though--hurts too many people,,,,

Sunflower

ok I see no one wants to touch this one LOL

chero

Hey Frizz, call it selective reading, I guess!?!?

Truthfully, though. It scared me because I've been there too. I didn't go through with anything because?? I don't know why. But...I have to admit, I think about it sometimes. I wouldn't but...hmm...there are so many demons lurking around and I guess that one struck a cord...

Think I'll go back to selective reading now....
Much love, Cheryl

Sunflower

thanks---I suppose its easier for most to talk about the A---they did this said that etc--than how WE feel inside and how damaged we are left behind--yes scary----Sometime I get sick of hearing about these As---we are told to look to ourselves--take care of YOU--but the second you start sharing about YOU and how YOUu feel and what YOU have been through---warts and all---people don't want to talk about it...and run scared...human nature I guess...

Grace

You are a good person!
You are a child of God!
You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect!
I have also thought about suicide, but that is NOT the answer.
That someone that you heard was the Holy Spirit speaking to you.
Where there is life...there is hope!
We have good days and we have bad days.

My prayers are with you!
Grace

chero

Hey Grace, I agree with you! Believe it or not I grew up a p.k. in a pentecostal church. I know God. For sure more now than then.
And Frizz, do I ever have some warts! In fact, I've got this huge one that follows me everyday and I just haven't been able to talk to anybody about it because I've never run across someone else with one...you know?? Does that make since?? It's not that I'm afraid to be real...just afraid to be the only one with my wart??!!

Grace

I've been thinking about this thread.

You know, Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.Put your faith where it should be.

I have been through abandonment, abuse, MS, and cancer. I also carry shame with me from past mistakes. Who doesn't??? We are not perfect. There was only One perfect person.

I still spend too much time thinking about, talking about, my A did this, said that.....etc... Then one day I realized, it doesn't matter!!!!! I have only one life to live and I'm not going to live his. Have you read Codependent No More?

One very important thing that I also discovered is to watch WHO I talk to. Some people just don't understand, nor do they want to hear about it. Not that they don't necessarily care....they just don't understand. Watch who you share your heart with. My older brother told me once to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. I follow my instincts, gut feelings, now. I only talk to people who understand or who have been there. I'm surrounded by addicts SO I do a lot of talking to God. This is what works for me!

You are a good person, Frizzylynn. I've lost friends and family, but I'm not alone!

You are in my prayers!
God Bless!
Grace

Grasshopper

Hi,you say ,ok i see no one wants to touch this one.Better to say nothing,than the wrong thing.Maybe folks are giving the best gift that they can to you and that is their ears,to listen,to hear you,and let you share,getting out all the things that are bothering you.I know that when i was at the darkest place of my own soul,folks talked,talked and talked.And i took everything that they said in the most hurful manner.I did this because thats where i was at,hurting,big time.Im in agreement with Grace.Be careful who you share with.I once thought that i could share anything with everyone in program,because they are in program.I cant tell you the grief that this has caused me in my life,to have done this.Pray and ask God to guide you,in selecting trusted,compassionate folks.Foks who will allow you to share,freely,without judgements.
Although folks are helpful and they are.When i was at my lowest,point in my life,i realised that no human power could take away such pain,that only God,could and would should He be sought.Thus started my relaionship with God.For only He can cure that hole that was in my very soul.Folks can only help so far.God has the Power to heal.

need2cope

frizzylynn, I'm new here, just joined this morning and have been trying to figure out how and where to post when I came upon your post. I'm dealing with an addicted daughter right now. I'm divorced from a controlling alcoholic. But I immediately recognized the place you are in. Been there, done that type of thing! Anyway, maybe there was a reason that I found this site and found your post.....I want you to know that life is a good thing despite all the mess around you and inside you. There were things raging inside me that I feared to give outlet to and so I imploded. If you want to talk, I'm here.

Godhelpme

(((Frizz))) I can echo what the others have said. You bring value to this community of people and in real life, too, I've no doubt.

Thank God you called 911 and are here with us today.

Sorry you're hurting and that you've been so deeply hurt throughout your life. I truly believe there's a reason we've all connected here at SR and I believe it's so that we can help one another and find a way to have a better life. I fully believe it's God working in my life through folks like you, Frizz.

Big hugs to you! Please continue to post...

~ghm

greeteachday

(((((Frizz))))))
I know I've been to a place similar to where you have been and I really admire your honesty and courage in sharing it here. Your words may make some of us uncomfortable because they touch places we know...for us. You're right, it's a lot easier to focus on someone else's stuff than be honest with my own feelings. Thank you for helping me to see and clarify that.

This is a painful thread but one filled with so much experience, strength and hope too. Not too long ago, I really was afraid to love anyone...because it seemed like if I did, they died. I understand now that I am not that powerful! One of the most beautiful things I have learned in recovery is that I can work hard not to let myself fall into the victim role and to try to forgive myself for the past and live in today. And that has helped me to find my HP when my plate becomes so full that I am not sure I can walk any further.

I hope today finds you in a peaceful place. When I take a walk with my HP and let him know I feel too tired, he helps me to find a way to be refreshed and ready for the next step. Hugs and prayers

ICU

Sorry,

In my case it wasn't selective posting, but rather, I didn't see this one until today. Sorry! I think you posted it when I was, ummmm....not a happy camper (if you recall the thead I started 2 days ago).

Like you, I reached out, I vented, took a couple of naps when I felt tired, worked through it, and came out on the other side. Sometimes we just have the most crappy days one can imagine. Those are the days that we really have to keep at reaching out and SCREAM if we have to!

There were some days in the beginning of my recovery/new life that I found to be intolerably painful. On those days I would call my therapist. She could tell by the tone of my voice when it was urgent and she would always fit me in, whether in person or via phone. That could be an option for you.

We care about you, so don't ever doubt that, ok?

denny57

Something important I've learned in my own recovery is to not judge others, speak for others or assume I know other's motives. I try to work that every day. I strive to speak for myself and of myself.

bonbon

.....been in that dark place and like you do not ever want to go back. Its okay to be fed up, I think being fed up and yes sometimes fed up with life in general is ok, but use those times when you just cant take anymore to STOP, and just be still. Anti-Depresssants ultimately saved me I think, still take them today. 60mg of Prozac and Klonopin when I feel an aniexty attack coming on. When I hit my dark spot I had to STOP and look around.....for me, that particular afternoon, I knew I had to pick my daughter up from school. I I I <--I say I because I am all she has. I picked up the phone and called a doctor and made an appointment and was seen the next day, I knew suicide wasn't the answer. But I knew I needed help. I picked my daughter up from school and I didnt leave her side that night. Literally. Was waiting at the doctors office the next day to be seen, no suicide is not the answer....never is and never will be, but some people unfortunately get
to that point, for me it scared me. Made me scared of myself, and that was more scary than anything. (((((((((((((((frizz))))))))))))))) cause admitting and talking about all these dark spots makes us not want to go there again.

And in my book thats a good thing.

Happy Saturday!

BigSis

We call these type of coincidences... "god incidences". (((hugs))) Hope today is a better one.

Bjen

OK, I will honey, I know at one point in my life I felt that way too. Wouldn't mind if God did it but I didn't want to be the one. I understand.