My boundary
Royalty
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
My boundary
My AH yelled at my son yesterday, and I felt it was unfair for my son. Son was not given a chance to explain. Basically, AH totally overreacted. I ended up in the middle as usual. Later in the day, after AH was drunk, he started in about the same stuff, and I asked him to leave. It's almost as if I was just waiting for a reason. AH made a big show of packing, talking, packing, yelling, packing...... yet never left. All of our arguements before, he used to grab stuff and leave. I think this time he was very sure that if he walked out of the door, it would be permanent.
So after alot of ranting he turned civil, and we talked for a few hours. I asked what he thought about no alcohol in the house....he immediately asked if he could have it in the garage....
So there is my boundary...no alcohol in the house. But I am such a wimp that I said he could have it in the garage (detached garage). I suppose I have the right to amend my boundaries as needed. So if it is still a problem, I will ban it from the garage too.
The yelling at son was before AH had any alcohol.....so I also explained to AH that if he doesn't get a grip on his anger problem.....it wouldn't matter whether he was drinking or not, he would be out. I asked if he would attend family counseling, and he still declines.
Even though I felt good and bad, I would like to thank everyone here, and this site, because I had such a better understanding of what I was getting at. I felt prepared. Even though I caved this time, I felt stronger (if that makes any sense). So thanks everyone. If anything, AH knows I am dead serious.
So after alot of ranting he turned civil, and we talked for a few hours. I asked what he thought about no alcohol in the house....he immediately asked if he could have it in the garage....
So there is my boundary...no alcohol in the house. But I am such a wimp that I said he could have it in the garage (detached garage). I suppose I have the right to amend my boundaries as needed. So if it is still a problem, I will ban it from the garage too.
The yelling at son was before AH had any alcohol.....so I also explained to AH that if he doesn't get a grip on his anger problem.....it wouldn't matter whether he was drinking or not, he would be out. I asked if he would attend family counseling, and he still declines.
Even though I felt good and bad, I would like to thank everyone here, and this site, because I had such a better understanding of what I was getting at. I felt prepared. Even though I caved this time, I felt stronger (if that makes any sense). So thanks everyone. If anything, AH knows I am dead serious.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
You are trying so hard to find your way and take good care of him - you're a good mom.
Once my ex AH yelled at my son just a little, but he'd been drinking and he was slurring and whatnot. After son went upstairs I stalked over to him and said angrily, "Do not EVER discipline him when you have been drinking." He saw I was serious and obeyed.
Even drunken aholes know when you're serious. You're serious and he knows it. Good for you! Stick to your guns, Mom.
Once my ex AH yelled at my son just a little, but he'd been drinking and he was slurring and whatnot. After son went upstairs I stalked over to him and said angrily, "Do not EVER discipline him when you have been drinking." He saw I was serious and obeyed.
Even drunken aholes know when you're serious. You're serious and he knows it. Good for you! Stick to your guns, Mom.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You are a good mom. What appears to a boundary really has some nice facets to it. I'm glad you qualified it with the behavior thing. I'm sure your son is in his room saying, "You go girl!" That's my mom!
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