aGrandma

I work full time and am busy about 20 hours a day. I do not want to devote hours a week going to an al-anon meeting. I looked at a local schedule and it was really confusing - about where I would go and when. It looks like some meetings are for specific people - like families, or children, or ??
I guess also I am feeling very angry that I even have to consider going there. I have done nothing but help my family, every single day, all day long. Someone else screws up and it's ME who has to go to these meetings.
Did any of you feel that way? Whenever I consider going, I get all pissed off and don't go.
I want the person with the problem to go and take care of themselves!
Am I not a good candidate to go to al-anon?

JessicaNAJ

I felt that way....why should I go when he has the problem. It helped me though, in the long run. However, Al-Anon is not for everyone. But....you know what? If alcoholism is affecting your life, you are just as sick. **Don't get pissed off *** I didn't like that idea either. It took me a really long time to accept that. Once I did though, I only got better. I still slip, but at least I know a little bit easier how to deal with certain situations.

You only do what you feel is right for you!

FormerDoormat

Hi Gran:

I think anybody who's life is affected by alcohol is a good candidate for Alanon. I understand how difficult it can be to find the time to go to meetings. I live out in the boonies. I work a 9-hour day plus have a three-hour round trip commute, so I don't have much free time, either.

So instead of going to face-to-face meetings, I come here in the evenings after dinner and everyone has settled in for the night. Then I listen to the news and log on to SR.

I think if you spent a little time here, you wouldn't find it a chore or be angry that you've ended up here. I think you'll find that it will be a pivitol turning point in your life and you will finally be able to let go of your anger and get on with living a happy life.

It's not a tragedy that you've ended up here. It's a gift. I hope you will take advantage of what's offered to you here. I'm glad I did. Welcome to the forum.

aGrandma

Oh no, I don't mean THIS board, I mean going to an Alanon meeting away from home. I enjoy reading this board!!

FormerDoormat

While I recommend Alanon on this board frequently (because I think it's a great program), I personally don't attend face-to-face meetings. I prefer to do all my recovery work here.

Even if you can get to one meeting a week or even one meeting a month, you may find that helpful.

atalose

A different approach towards al-anon may be to view it as a new tool to continue to help your family instead of viewing it as a punishment. I think it’s a nature reaction to feel angry that we need to attend meetings while they are not.
But the meetings are about us, for us and really do help us to continue to help our families.
Even if you just attend 1 hour meeting a week at first, give it at least 5 or 6 meetings before you write it off. There is a directory which explains what type of meeting it is, like O for open meeting where anyone is welcome.
And as formerdoormat said, you can always come here.

Sunflower

I have felt that way so so many times---and I never wanted to go to meeting either---but know it is time well spent--it is for YOU--not the A

GlassPrisoner

I didn't want to go to AA. It was the last thing I tried, the last house on the block.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Being that Alanon also works the 12 steps, I can't see how it could do anything but help. Plus the fact that there are those just like you there, plus the fellowship.....

Many As in the program go to Alanon. Others have spouses that go. They all have blessed marriages. Even the ones where one partner is still using, Alanon helps.

retyr50

As an ammends to me, my father invited me to go with him, first to an AA meeting, then an Al-Anon meeting, when he was 10 years sober. It was the beginning of my spiritual journey I'm still following, 33 years later. I owe my serenity, even in tough times, to the program and people in Al-Anon.
Hugs

harleygirl92156

I have found that the people who resist going to Al anon are the ones that need it and would benefit from it the most.

No one can make you go. You can make all the excuses you want, just like the alcoholic does, but you know what you need. If you are looking for encouragement on this forum, you will definately get it, you know that.

Just go, put yourself first. The best way to do it to take care of yourself and the best way to start doing that is to attend Al anon, make it a priority.

chero

I want to go to meetings and can't find any around me. Of course, knowing myself the way I do, I'd probably sit in the parking the first two or three?? But I realize I can't do it alone and I'm open for HELP!
Maybe that's why in the mornings this is the first place I come and at night the last place I come.
Having this kind of support and encouragement in the flesh...wow! I'd love to try it!

Grasshopper

Hi and welcome!!!
Im not sure why the flyers about meeting is confusing?????.For children-Ala-teen.For the family/friends of alcoholics,there is Al-anon.
I personally cant say enough good things about Al-anon.I didnt know before going that i too play my own part in the family disease,called alcoholism.Thought it was all my loved ones fault.Thought when he got sober,everything would be roses...NOT....smile.Recovery is for me.I had,issues long before marrying.And Al-anon helps me and i learn new ways to live..i love this program so much and have reaped the benifits,and witnessed others ,recovery,to,that recommend it for everyone.It was through this program that started the change in all our family members.
Are you willing to go to any and all lenghts for your recovery?This was asked of me.I had at the time 4 small kids,was working,,,etc,,etc.I simply said...YES,,and---made the time to go.Some things i had to cancell,sarafice,a few things,like working over-time,,,etc,,,etc.But its worth it.I could not continue as i was,no matter if another was drinking or not.It got to the point that it was no longer about them--but my own recovery.

Zoey

At least find a meeting and get the liturature and the "One Day At A Time" book. That much would be very good.

How about open AA meetings? Sat nite or Sun afternoon or day off?

I liked what GlassPrisoner said, last place we ever want to go, then find it is the best place ever.

Takes several meetings to find the right group.

I am glad you are here and you are always welcome to use this site as your program, but most of us like both.

Read the stickys at the top of page where you started your thread.
Perhaps check the books under cassic reading and read up on this disease.

All suggestions. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

mallowcup

Alanon isn't meant to help anyone but you. I certainly remember thinking just like you. If I was already earning the paycheck, taking care of the kids and the house, why would I devote my precious time to Alanon? He certainly wasn't trying to recover. Why should I add that to the list? Why should I go learn how to live with his problem?
Maybe by needing to go, you realize you're done, you don't want to go.
When you are exhausted,you have no time, you have no will, something has to change.

lilac

I felt like you do before I went. But once I got to a meeting, the peace I felt inside from the understanding of the people made me want to go back for more. Good luck to you.

mallowcup

along the same vein, my ex wouldn't go to AA unless I went with him. !@#$%^&. Mistake! I could have shot everyone in the room. I guess he had anticipated sympathy or some BOND between us. I was so DONE by then, I should actually thank him for helping me realize it. I remember looking at him thinking, "I hate you, I hate the way you look, I hate every single thing about you!" I was embarrassed to have ever loved such a jerk. Something clicked and I didn't even want people to know I had ever been married to him.

MsPINKAcres

Al-Anon meetings for me are like a big piece of Chocolate cake w/chocolate icing and a big glass of milk and NO calories.

Going to Al-Anon may have started out about the A's, but now it is all about me and for me.

Just how I look at the f2f meetings.

Rita

parentrecovers

they say to try a handful of different face to face alanon meetings before making any decisions.

i know my husband resisted meetings at first, and now - he is hooked.

blessings, k

socalgal

My husband didn't start going to Al-anon meetings until I had been sober for 13 years! It really isn't about my drinking anymore. He goes for him. He realized that he actually has his own issues to work on. Alcoholism wasn't the root of all of his problems. He is happier than he has been in years. I am so grateful for this program. To travel the road together is a blessing.

-K

Ronron

I work two jobs. I have three kids. I have no time for me and darnit, adding one more thing to my schedule is too much to bear! I went because I knew we were facing a detachment situation and I wanted help with it. I went to one meeting and it helped me. There was no magic bullet, no 'this is how you do it'. What I found was a group of people who had faced what I face in varying degrees. Truly a support group. It's worth a try. You can hear that you are not alone over and over. There's nothing quite like experiencing that fact. It's kind of like having kids. All of the knowledge in the world doesn't prepare you for the actuality. Try it, you may find it helpful. And, if not, you've lost nothing but an hour.

Roni