Can't believe I am here...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 63
My AH drinks a 12-pack of beer a night too!
I can't believe I am here either! I am also surprised to see your husband drinks a 12-pack a day too. It's disgusting isn't it?
I am getting very fed-up with it. Can you tell?
I saw a therapist who knows substance abuse, and he told me that if I am not part of the cure I am part of the problem. He told me that I am the best person to help my husband get help. So that is what I am trying to do now.
My husband knows he has a problem, and he says he hates drinking, but he makes the excuse that he is in pain from arthritis so he can't stop drinking.
I am not an expert in alcohol abuse and I don't know what to say to him. I want him to go to professionals who know what they are talking about.
Our children are grown, we've been married nearly 30 years.
I love him a lot - we are best friends. Apparently I have been co-dependant.
We have appointments next week with his m.d. and the therapist for him.
I swear if he doesn't quit we'll be on this board like others talking about divorce.
I am getting very fed-up with it. Can you tell?
I saw a therapist who knows substance abuse, and he told me that if I am not part of the cure I am part of the problem. He told me that I am the best person to help my husband get help. So that is what I am trying to do now.
My husband knows he has a problem, and he says he hates drinking, but he makes the excuse that he is in pain from arthritis so he can't stop drinking.
I am not an expert in alcohol abuse and I don't know what to say to him. I want him to go to professionals who know what they are talking about.
Our children are grown, we've been married nearly 30 years.
I love him a lot - we are best friends. Apparently I have been co-dependant.
We have appointments next week with his m.d. and the therapist for him.
I swear if he doesn't quit we'll be on this board like others talking about divorce.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: iowa
Posts: 93
Hi Melbar4,
So many things are so familiar to me. I only have 3 kids. But my AH often didn't wake up until late. He ate lunch at 3 p.m. and then when kids & I were home wanting to eat at 6 p.m. he didn't. He would often go to a friends or wherever. When we got home - he spent no time with us. He used to help in the morning get the kids ready but quickly quit doing that - even when I yelled at him to help. He would get up, go downstairs to his bathroom, and still not help me. He never lifted a finger around the house, except to insult me that the house was a mess.
And if I had a dollar for every time I was called crazy. At first I didn't believe it, then I started to believe it for awhile.
AH would drink 12 beers (I thought) a day. The first time he went to detox at the hospital - he said 6 beers a day. Eventually after the about the 5th or 6th time he started admiting to the 12 -18 / day - but I think sometimes it was 18-24. AH has been basically unemployed over the last 2 years. He has had medical problems related to his alcoholism.
I talked with the school guidance counselor at the kids' elementary school. She had worked with the kids, and visiting with them every so often. My sis-in-law had recommended to the court (she was involved in a court ordered committal on AH) that my kids see a counselor. The counselor has been good. She was able to see that my kids exhibited behaviors very consistent with children of alcoholics.
Even though you may not see it, you may want to have someone they can visit with. They see more than you think, and they realize that dad isn't there and doesn't want to spend time with them, (leaves when they get home from activities).
The stress isn't good for you either.
I once went to the dr. for something and he was concerned about my weight and wondered if I snored or had sleep apnea. He told me to have my husband stay up at night and listen/ watch me. I told him my husband couldn't do that. He said he has to. I started to cry. Stress can do you in. I left AH back in Sept. I'm not saying the stress has lifted all together - but I do feel better. I don't have to worry about where he is what he's been doing. What lie he's told me. How much money of mine he's using.
I have been the bread winner in the family for the last few years - so me leaving was not a concern financially.
My advice is to make disaster preparedness plans. Start a journal, write in it what happens (it's good to look back later - and see how things often cycle back) - determine how financially you can look after yourself & kids if you don't have his income. I'm not saying you should leave - but it could be less stress on you, knowing that you have a plan if things go horribly wrong.
The first couple of times my AH went into detox he wanted to go. Then we committed him, then he wanted to go on his own again a couple times. He's been court ordered 3 times, 1 time he was in the hospital because of a seizure then detoxed, the other times he wanted to go (he's been 10 times altogether now). But all he wanted was to feel better - when he felt better - he wanted to go back to his life.
Good luck to you & your children.
Take care of you.
So many things are so familiar to me. I only have 3 kids. But my AH often didn't wake up until late. He ate lunch at 3 p.m. and then when kids & I were home wanting to eat at 6 p.m. he didn't. He would often go to a friends or wherever. When we got home - he spent no time with us. He used to help in the morning get the kids ready but quickly quit doing that - even when I yelled at him to help. He would get up, go downstairs to his bathroom, and still not help me. He never lifted a finger around the house, except to insult me that the house was a mess.
And if I had a dollar for every time I was called crazy. At first I didn't believe it, then I started to believe it for awhile.
AH would drink 12 beers (I thought) a day. The first time he went to detox at the hospital - he said 6 beers a day. Eventually after the about the 5th or 6th time he started admiting to the 12 -18 / day - but I think sometimes it was 18-24. AH has been basically unemployed over the last 2 years. He has had medical problems related to his alcoholism.
I talked with the school guidance counselor at the kids' elementary school. She had worked with the kids, and visiting with them every so often. My sis-in-law had recommended to the court (she was involved in a court ordered committal on AH) that my kids see a counselor. The counselor has been good. She was able to see that my kids exhibited behaviors very consistent with children of alcoholics.
Even though you may not see it, you may want to have someone they can visit with. They see more than you think, and they realize that dad isn't there and doesn't want to spend time with them, (leaves when they get home from activities).
The stress isn't good for you either.
I once went to the dr. for something and he was concerned about my weight and wondered if I snored or had sleep apnea. He told me to have my husband stay up at night and listen/ watch me. I told him my husband couldn't do that. He said he has to. I started to cry. Stress can do you in. I left AH back in Sept. I'm not saying the stress has lifted all together - but I do feel better. I don't have to worry about where he is what he's been doing. What lie he's told me. How much money of mine he's using.
I have been the bread winner in the family for the last few years - so me leaving was not a concern financially.
My advice is to make disaster preparedness plans. Start a journal, write in it what happens (it's good to look back later - and see how things often cycle back) - determine how financially you can look after yourself & kids if you don't have his income. I'm not saying you should leave - but it could be less stress on you, knowing that you have a plan if things go horribly wrong.
The first couple of times my AH went into detox he wanted to go. Then we committed him, then he wanted to go on his own again a couple times. He's been court ordered 3 times, 1 time he was in the hospital because of a seizure then detoxed, the other times he wanted to go (he's been 10 times altogether now). But all he wanted was to feel better - when he felt better - he wanted to go back to his life.
Good luck to you & your children.
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Welcome melbar4,
You certainly are under alot of stress but be proud you are not using the same drinking coping skills your husband has relied on.
I hope you are still attending alanon, it's good to work your own program while he is working his.
How long will he be in the hospital?
You are fortunate to have the support of your parents and his as well, allow them to help by watching your kids so you are able to attend some meetings or counseling, something that is for you.
Glad you are here.
You certainly are under alot of stress but be proud you are not using the same drinking coping skills your husband has relied on.
I hope you are still attending alanon, it's good to work your own program while he is working his.
How long will he be in the hospital?
You are fortunate to have the support of your parents and his as well, allow them to help by watching your kids so you are able to attend some meetings or counseling, something that is for you.
Glad you are here.
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