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I very much appreciate this post - but remain confused. I have been told a number of times that "this board is not an Al-Anon meeting." Many people here do not attend Al-Anon (I do) so don't have exposure to the speaking from the "I" concept. I think it's a great idea and try to practice it. Sometimes I fail.

Thanks for the link, Cynay.

with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you - won't you say you love me too...

sorry i didn't read the post but i watch barney too...

love,
s

Barney scares me.

Awwww....(((Denny)))! LOL!

Good point about many people not attending Alanon and not really knowing about sharing in that particular way.

Funny though, when I was growing up, somehow I learned that when talking to someone about their problems, issues, etc. to keep the focus on them and 'not' share about your story by sharing similar examples. To do otherwise was selfish and rude.

So, when I began telling people about my issues, they would immediately share 'their' story, and to be honest, I got angry, and hurt. My view was, I'm reaching out for help, and all they do is change the subject to their story. Here I was needing to vent, and again, the focus was off of me. Frustrating would be an understatement!

I somehow missed the point I guess. I think it explains a lot about why that comes unnaturally to me. But, I'm learning and trying....yes, yes, I know....I can be 'very' trying! LOL

Anyway, thanks for the post. It was very well done.

The short version is that if any of us were experts on "fixing" our A's, or ourselves, we would not be here. We would be done fixing and would never have shown up in this forum, at meetings, in a shrinks office, etc. etc.

Do you _really_ want to get advice from someone like me? I took my own advice for _years_ and look where it got me. Nope, I don't want to hear advice, I want to hear _experience_.

Advice is the guy who sits in a tree and tells me which way to walk as I am trying to get thru the mine-field of addiction. Experience is the guy who left footprints in the mine-field as he went thru it _ahead_ of me.

I want to hear you fine folks tell me how you have survived and overcome the challenges in your life. How do you sleep at nite knowing that the person you love is out getting drunk/high with strangers? Don't tell me how you _think_ I should do it, I got that from my "A" for _years_. I don't want any more condescending put-downs, I got plenty of those from my ex-wife. Tell my how you maintain your serenity when your "A" calls on the phone and begs for money.

Your _experience_ is what I can put to use in my own life.

When I read posts here I count the pronouns. When I read a post that is all about how that person has survived and overcome, when all the pronouns are "I", that's when I send them a PM and thank them. When I read a posts that's all about "shoulds" and "you oughta" and "do what I say" and "I know best" then I say a prayer for that person and move on.

If you want to get technical it's called "Peer therapy" and was first formalized by a shrink called Karl Jung, one of the founders of AA. It's used by lots of groups besides the "12 step" ones.

Am I making sense they way I explained it?

Mike :)

Absolutely. Well put.