A step in a new direction
 

I took a big step today toward leaving my AH by making an offer on a house. Before I did anything official, I spoke to him this afternoon about it while I could catch him in a sober moment.

I suppose I really wanted to give him one more "last chance" to say he'd try to sober up, but instead he simply said "I can't be accountable for making any promises". And with that, I knew my decision had been made.

So, I made the offer on the house tonight -- if I get it or if I don't, it's Gods' will. Either way, I'll continue doing what I know I need to do, moving forward and putting an end to the craziness.

I'm having a bit of a flash back to when I moved out the first time 2 years ago this month. I didn't really want to go, but believed I was taking the action necessary to send a strong message to him, and to free myself in the process. I wasn't entirely happy when I left previously....thought he'd come after me with promises and proof of sobriety. It didn't happen, ever.

My fear is I'll take this big financial step, placing myself in a scary uncomfortable position - knowing there's no turning back, and find once more that I'm not happy. Maybe this time it'll be different since I know what to expect from my AH....?

Regardless, it makes me very sad to know it's come to this and that time is upon me. Damn alcohol!!!!!!!!

~Godhelpme

It's for you....it's not to "send a message" to him. Hope it goes well for you.
And.....can I rent a room?

Super brave thing to do GHM. I am excited for you! I really am! You can find hapiness without your AH. Do not stay stuck due to fear that there is no greener grass. You are clearly moving in the right direction.

I can hear in your post that you are aware that your AH might not ever change. Life is short...do what you must (and you are!:) to get to higher ground. Yes, I think you are right...everytime we make a healthy decision - like you have today - a part inside of us changes. Maybe empowerment?

It is very sad what alcoholism does...it destroys everything...and, yes, your time IS upon you. You go girl:)

Godhelpme, That is wonderful! The scary part is two days ago, I made the decision to start looking myself. Two days ago, I also told my A not to call anymore...ever. (He didn't listen, but I don't answer.) With all of everyone's help on the boards, I made the realization that I have the power to change the rollercoaster. It's time for me to stroll around the park with my hand in only my children's hands. I am also scared about the thought of buying a house. I rent right now, but for once I actually feel like I want to settle down without any chaos. We can both be scared together! I'm excited you made your offer - I do hope it goes through for you! I found one for me and the kids that would be perfect, but just started looking. God will find us the perfect one. God knows which path is best. I told my mom, it is almost like God has both of his hands out to me right now. One is my relationship with the A, but he has placed the other one out there for me. God is saying "you choose", but in the mean time he is also thinking as he is shaking the second hand... "choose this one, choose this one".... lol! Good Luck to you Godhelpme

thanks for understanding
 

I am in the same place, once again have freed myself of my AH and ready to begin life on my own and yet scared ,very scared, that I won't find happiness and will end up going back to the chaos and losing everything I've built in the meantime. Trust, I have to trust that my HP will take care of me if I let him, what other choice is there? I know I'm not strong enough to take care of myself yet.

HolyQ, you absolutely can!!!!! (and you're in Ohio also to boot!) And hey! Maybe NEG will join us too!! (naw...she prolly wouldn't wanna give up her ocean view and who could blame her.) lol

Dreamwvr - I wish you lots of luck in finding a home, too and we'll do this together.

There's a fine line between fear and excitement...but it does seem to be this big scary thing for me at the moment...and one filled with sadness. (I hate that part most of all.)

I should know something tomorrow on the offer...and will keep you all posted.

Thanks for the support.

~ghm

ghm and dream, i'm so proud of both of you! it's not easy, but there does become a point when we can't handle the madness anymore. putting an offer down on a house is an amazing step!

and dream - good for you for not answering when he calls. it takes a lot of strength that you seem to have found so quickly! don't worry if you do cave in and answer... i've done it many times, hoping each time it'll stick... just get back on the horse and ride again!

we CAN stop the rollercoaster!

I admire your honesty in this statement. I can't begin to count how many times I've done the right thing, but for the 'wrong reason', and couldn't figure out why things weren't going well.

Maybe this time doing the 'right thing for the right reason' will make the difference for you.

I hope you find the house that is just perfect for you in your new life!

Sounds like the rebirth of you. I always found comfort in owning my own home.

You'll have fun redecorating it, look at this as a positive.

Good Luck,

Dolly

I'm almost two weeks into my new home and I am LOVING it! It's peaceful, tidy, and most of all... no alcoholic madness rampaging within it! I just wish my budget could keep up with my redecorating plans.