AllTooSober

...the more they stay the same. At least, the more *I* seem to stay the same.

It's been three weeks now since I moved out of my A-ex-fiance's house. He waited over a week to try and call me. Ever since then, he's tried every other day or so. He tried yesterday, then today twice, and the third time today he used Qwest's option to send me a message asking him to call back. It's the only way he can get a message to me anymore since I've blocked him (and, now that I've blocked Qwest's number, even that avenue should be closed to him).

Here's where I find myself staying the same. The calls are driving me crazy, to the point where I'm tempted to talk to him if only to tell him to knock it the h*ll off already. I won't let myself do that, though, because I keep thinking, "Silence is more powerful than any words you can say that he won't listen to anyway," and "He'll figure it out that you don't want to talk to him." Every time he calls, I tell myself that maybe this time he'll figure it out and change his ways.

Just like when he used to say he'd quit drinking, and I'd say to myself, "Maybe this time he'll figure it out."

I'm starting to despair of his EVER figuring ANYTHING out and my having to duck his calls for the rest of my life.

I'm afraid that if I change my cell phone number he'll show up at work or something.

Since he really hasn't had any closure, should I break down and call him? I despise the idea of my doing ANYTHING because he wants me to.

I'm pretty sure I won't be talking to him tonight. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow and I'll have to bring this up, naturally. In the meantime, any reassurance/advice is welcome. Thanks!!

Nuudawn

First of all...BRAVO to you girlfriend. You are standing strong and proud. He don't need closure at 3 weeks..it's only been 3 weeks! He doesn't deserve your call at this point. You are doing soooooooo awesome. I admire you....I really, really do. But don't go muckin that up...lol.

Both your emotions are still a-spin at 3 weeks....give it time and breathing room. He knows what needs to be done if he wants your time and respect. In the meantime, go buy your awesome self some flowers.

AllTooSober

Thanks Nuudawn--I don't know what I'd do without this forum some days!!

dreamwvr

alltoo sober. Sounds like we are in the same situation. I told my A-exfinance Saturday not to call me again - ever. It's been 2 days this time and I've been dodging the calls too. It is always the same pattern, I've went two or three weeks and finally answered the phone to tell him to **** off and I end up getting sucked back on the rollercoaster because I break down. He breaks me down and I let him by listening to go on & on about how we are meant to be, he loves me and wants to marry me still, I'm the love of his life, etc...

The funny thing is I pulled out my old calenders and I used to circle when we would be together and then when we weren't. The circles would eventually be so close together, you couldn't tell when was what. Funny - huh? I stopped that after we got engaged and I moved in over there. Then, I ended up moving out three weeks after that because of the altercation. Three months without him. Three months with him...you know the rest of the story... I ended up taking the calenders and burning them the other day in the fireplace. It's just sad and ridiculous at the same time how I could let someone frustrate me that much. The sad part is that I could let it go on forever or I can say no more. Part of me wishes that man could see everything as clearly as I do, but the part knows he will never.

kermit

Girl, you are far to strong to break down now! Keep up the good work! He will stop soon enough!

AllTooSober

Wow dreamwvr, thank you for reminding me why I really don't want to call him to tell him off. I hope you're feeling better about things now.

mallowcup

They wear us down. We aren't weak, we just want the hammering to stop. The problem is it's like hearing one more version of "You Light up My Life". There does come a time when you just have to smash the record.

AllTooSober

Amen, mallowcup. No more hammering! That's the only thing I want from him at this point.

mallowcup

Sounds crazy but I strongly recommend changing your hair color, Jet black or platinum blonde, get a new cut too. It freaks people out and it is such a statement about the seriousness of change. It's just hair and it is so empowering. I know it sounds crazy. When you see a new person in the mirror, you see a new person in the mirror. It has such an interesting effect on your alcoholic too. When you do something new that you'd never do they are intimidated. It's a great and easy empowerment.

lilac

You are doing sooo good in your recovery !!!! Keep going.....

I know what you mean when you say you just want to answer the phone so it will quit ringing.

Much love to you.

AllTooSober

mallow, it's funny you should mention that because I've been giving serious thought to getting a little tattoo, which is something I always swore I'd NEVER ever do. I'm pretty sure that's the only reason I want one, too... although more permanent than hair color, that's for sure!! :-)

mallowcup

I double dare ya.

AllTooSober

Hehehe I'll keep thinking about it. :-D

FormerDoormat

Why not take it all the way, ATS, and become a redhead AND get a tatoo? Great idea, Mallow.

un4gvn acts

I just signed on for the day but I wanted to say "YOU GO GIRL!"
Stay strong
Get the tattooo& go red on the hair!

lillian

mallowcup, your analogy to hearing You Light Up My Life one time too many was hilarous- thanks for bringing in a touch of humor/lightness-

AllTooSober

Hmm, a tattooed redhead... I could do worse!

And when I think of the whole year and 5 months wasted growing out my hair back to it's natural color. Phooey!!