She is in ICU

Old 03-12-2007, 07:35 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Prayers going out for all of you
It's such a sad thing to know.
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:51 PM
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Sorry.

How old are your kids? I don't know the whole situation, but if it's as serious as it sounds, I wouldn't try to hide it from the kids. I would take them to see her. Each child is different, so you know what is best. I just don't want the worst to happen, and they not be prepared. At the very least, they should be told that she is very sick. (JMO)

I hope she gets better.
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:01 PM
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Prayers for all of you during these tough times.
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:05 PM
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Originally Posted by guyinNC View Post
I found out this morning my Xwife is in the hospital
guyinNC, our prayers are with you! please keep us filled in on how you are doing!
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:10 PM
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Oh, Guy I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you the girls, your ex wife and her parents, you are a good man and have done what need to be done, taken care of those beautiful girls. Remember that when you want to blame yourself. You have done all you can do. God bless you!
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:19 PM
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Guy,
Much love and prayers to you and yours (((HUGS)))
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:41 PM
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guy, caring hugs to you all. What have you heard?
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Old 03-13-2007, 05:26 AM
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No news yet. I did talk to her on the phone. She is coherent and could carry a conversation. She said the doctors are running a lot of tests. Hopefully, she has not done so much damgage to her body she can't recover.

Her folks are on the way down to see her and I hope take her home.

Thank you all for prayers and concerns. Lets pray she will turn her life around if its not to late.
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Old 03-13-2007, 05:38 AM
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have the family, children, parents, and perhaps you, thought about a mini intervention in her ICU room? Perhaps the emotional impact of everything together (it is very difficult to continue to be in denial while in an ICU bed.
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Old 03-13-2007, 05:53 AM
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I can't imagine an intervention being allowed in an ICU. Mostly because of the acuity of all the patients there. Vistors are usually only allowed for brief visits and two at a time. They also have to limit traffic with consideration to other patients. Once she is out of ICU, maybe that could happen.
It's just not that kind of setting.
I think this is an issue that gets lost in the acuity of today. Once they are stable, they get transferred out of the unit, then sometimes an intervention gets lost. I think it boils down to "the right place and time for such an intervention".
The reason she is there may be due to a behavior that's killing her, the ICU is for life and death medical interventions, but it is a medical environment. Intervention should come later.
Think os it this way, would you lecture a heart attack patient on the evils of french fries while he was in ICU. No.
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Old 03-13-2007, 09:06 AM
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I am so sorry to hear this.....I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:43 AM
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What is my place in all this????

I am concerned about her. But I am the X husband. Do I call to see how she and do I talk to her parents on a daily basis?

Do I just sit back and wait for news. Lets face it.....she never called me or asked for my help. Never called me to see how I was or the kids. She left me and never looked back.

I feel my "codependency" creeping back in!!!

What a nightmare!
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:56 AM
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prayers to you and your family, guy. it's a painful disease. blessings, k
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:58 AM
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When you talked did she ask about the childern? If and when she is out of ICU might her parents ask if she would like to see the childern? She is probably afraid they hate her, so emotionally it might not be the time.
Hard to know what is right.

Another thought, perhaps let that wait, as fear of hatred could be a reason for relapse. (Excuse to us-reason to them.)

We have to be sober and work a program long enough to be able to face hatred,and to deal with life on life's terms.

Sorry this reply confussing. Caring understanding hugs.
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Old 03-13-2007, 01:20 PM
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Sending prayers and hope.
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:30 PM
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you and your family are in my prayers- you ARE being there for her, and for your kids, it sounds like- you shouldn't feel guilty; it's hard enough without that. bless you-
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:38 PM
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(((Guy))) Please know she and you and the kids are in my prayers.

Why not see her - are you strong enough to maintain your boundaries?

As far as "is it appropriate?" - kindness is always appropriate, I think. For me, I can love the addicts and alcholics, I just cannot predict the outcomes of their (or my) behavior. Keeping in mind "outcomes" as what I need to watch out for helps me keep the line where boundaries begin.

What do they tell us?

She is not a bad woman getting good, but a sick woman getting well?

Something like that.

I don't believe in coincidence, I pray her time can be soon. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:49 PM
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Originally Posted by guyinNC View Post
What is my place in all this????

I am concerned about her. But I am the X husband. Do I call to see how she and do I talk to her parents on a daily basis?

Do I just sit back and wait for news. Lets face it.....she never called me or asked for my help. Never called me to see how I was or the kids. She left me and never looked back.

I feel my "codependency" creeping back in!!!

What a nightmare!
First: ((guy)) hugs and prayers going out to you,your kids,your ex and her family...glad she seems to be making some progress (?)

My exAH just had another back surgery Friday...I wonder about these things,too. Glad you were able to at least talk to your ex. How is your relationship with her parents? It is good for you to have some knowledge for the sake of the kids;I guess your relationship with your former inlaws and the age of your kids,etc.,etc. would all be factors.
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Old 03-13-2007, 05:37 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Hello Guy,


Sorry to hear the bad news. But you wondered what your place was in all this, so you ready…

It’s not… you have no place in this, she left, she made her choice, you and her BOTH moved on, it’s over.
Yes we have compassion, but this is hers to deal with. I’m sure her new man will be there to hold her hand again and you need not worry you’ve done the work for yourself, you deserve NOT to be bothered with it now.
Take care of your kids and if they care to see her then let them see their mother, other then that you have no part.
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Old 03-13-2007, 09:26 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mallowcup View Post
I can't imagine an intervention being allowed in an ICU. Mostly because of the acuity of all the patients there. Vistors are usually only allowed for brief visits and two at a time. They also have to limit traffic with consideration to other patients. Once she is out of ICU, maybe that could happen.
It's just not that kind of setting.
I think this is an issue that gets lost in the acuity of today. Once they are stable, they get transferred out of the unit, then sometimes an intervention gets lost. I think it boils down to "the right place and time for such an intervention".
The reason she is there may be due to a behavior that's killing her, the ICU is for life and death medical interventions, but it is a medical environment. Intervention should come later.
Think os it this way, would you lecture a heart attack patient on the evils of french fries while he was in ICU. No.
A current close friend that indeed was an ICU patient 20 years ago due to drug addiction/overdose had his family together at bedside. He was thought to probably die. His family had but one thing to say, a simple message. "we are here to say goodbye" That emotional impact together with the "difficult to deny" ICU environment compelled him to ask for treatment.

And yes, to answer your question about french fries. Sometimes people just don't want to listen (denial) and hearing the facts while seeing their own mortality before them can indeed sometimes change their stance. Sometimes this is the ONLY way to convince someone.
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