chero

Well, New, Monday is about over and you survived! I was thinking about you after listening to my AH make promises I don't believe he'll ever keep but I still want to hear. I can't imagine how you did what you did today but I feel soooo proud of you! We are all survivors! Good job today! Now take Embraced's advice and do something nice for yourself!
Much love, Cheryl

Godhelpme

((((NEG))))

It's a sad Monday for me, too.

In so many ways, my AH turned into my rebellious teenage son over the years. Wanting my help, but denying it and defying it at the same time. Forever leaving me in a catch 22. When I tried the "tough love" approach, it only escalated matters and further alienated us. I,too, found it difficult at best to save him from his own self-imposed destruction, to break through his denial, to spare him the predicted outcome. Nothing I did or tried to do helped him or myself. Doing nothing didn't really help either. I often feel I'm waiting on the sidelines and quietly watching the inevitable transpire. I hate it for him and for myself, too.

I can't want his sobriety enough for him.....and somewhere deep down, I have to believe that he wants it for himself, but obviously not enough to take the necessary steps, to do the work required, to have a better life without alcohol.

So...I feel your pain and am so sorry that you're hurting, too. It's a yucky place to be emotionally....and just when I think I'm doing better, getting stronger, I find I'm feeling weak and tired.

Thank God for SR and people like yourself.

Glad you're here today.

Peace to you.
~ghm

MsGolightly

neg, you seem to be so stable and reasonable, and i admire those and others like you who are able to take a step back and evaluate their A and what he/she is saying, and whether or not they truly mean it.

gosh, i hope it all ends for us very soon. i hope the pain and the tears stop for all of us. i'll be thinking of you

IO Storm

Hi.

I am from "the other side", although all suffering people
share the same thing, pain. And no one but the suffering person can do anything more than experience their own.

The alcoholic/addict suffers, but while under the influence can only focus on their pain. And all who love and care about them suffer.

What you said about the Mondays and Tuesdays struck me right between the eyes.

Last Spring I was on a gambling and amphetamine run. I had stopped drinking in 2/06, but was still very, very sick when I moved in with my 83year old mother. March 1. Close to payday, I'd be harsh and jittery and by Friday I had already asked the afternoon off. I would not come home until Sunday.

I was running from the pain of separation from my BF. I ran and ran trying to outrun the pain, my pain.

Was I thinking about my mom, sitting there in her chair, sick with worry, calling family members?

When I would come home she would just say, "Eat something baby, and go to bed." She told me later Monday through Wednesdays were tolerable.

I am OK today, but facing the wreckage has been my goal and will be.

You cannot ease his suffering. Please take care of yourself.

Love,
IO Storm

"God holds me still in the eye of the Storm"

MsGolightly

thanks io storm, i love to hear stories of those from "the other side" because it makes me see how human we all truly are... it's nice to know we're not the only ones in pain, and that some recovering addicts recognize the pain and drama they have put others through. i'd hate to think our A's got nothing out of this and don't think about what their actions have done to us and our lives... please keep posting here, i'm so grateful for your insight.

steve11694

Don't confuse a moment of sanity for the pain simply getting too great to deal with. When recoverings A's are interviewed, what was thought to be "seeing the light" was actually feeling the heat sufficiently to be motivated to quit.

IO Storm

Thank You, InThis For Me,

Some recovering alcoholics do realize, and eventually do attempt to make amends as they work the 12 Steps.

Sobriety comes first.

But, in the grip of the disease... I can think of no better way to explain it than to respectfully share from pg. 62
(Big Book, AA)

Page 62

"Selfishness-selfcenteredness! That we think is the root
of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear,
self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. We step on
the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes
they hurt us seemingly without provocation, but we
invariably find that at some time in the past we have
made decision based on self which later placed us in
the position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.
They arised out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an
extreem example of self-will run riot, though he usually
dosen't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must rid
of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us !
God makes that possible..

Thank you.

Love,

IO Storm
"God holds me still in the eye of the Storm"