A New Thread for Cynay

Old 03-11-2007, 08:36 PM
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A New Thread for Cynay

I didn't like the other one anymore so I made a whole new shiny thread just for you.

It's hard to know how to give you some comfort cause I'm just like you. My heart - I try to control it but it just gushes love and neediness all over the place.

I've been quietly mourning a one-sided relationship I'd been having. It's helped to look at it like the disease of addiction - to just make it through this day, this hour, this minute ... just to not use this one time. To distract myself as I might ask an alcoholic to - writing, reading, working, anything to keep the hands and mind moving and not brooding.

Sometimes it doesn't work and I cry. It's okay. It doesn't mean anyone is cracking up, losing it, having a breakdown or anything like that. Sometimes it just hurts and we can't deal with it and so we cry.

I always loved the movie "Adaptation". In it the Meryl Streep character muses in an intellectual way that she wishes she could know what it was like to care about something passionately. By the end of the movie she is crying over the body of her lover. And then she knows. Passion is not just about the moments that the word "passion" brings to mind - this is the flip side. the pain side. The darkness as dark as the light was once bright. It's part of the price we pay for the good times we had.

So, in conclusion, i know you don't feel one whit better for having read that I know because I've been there and it feels like nothing will ever help. But it will pass I swear it will pass. Take it one minute at a time when you need to.

You are in my thoughts tonight. I pray you fall asleep soon and wake up feeling a little better when you see the light of day again.
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Old 03-11-2007, 09:19 PM
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What thread? Did I miss something? I saw an old thread from 8-6-06
someone had run across and posted to today, that happens every so often, or did I miss something??
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Old 03-11-2007, 10:03 PM
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I know the situation Cynay posted about. She has progressed past that time in her life, continues in her recovery, and has been a great source of support for me. The post refers to something that happened to her in June '06. I will leave it at that. If Cynay wishes to offer a further explanation, that is up to her.
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:00 AM
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I have a feeling I"m lost in space lol what else is new?
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:26 AM
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You are a fun wonderful person, keep helping.
Keeps us humble, right
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:02 AM
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You guys warm my heart.... thank you for being here.

As prodical said that was actually in August of 06 and there is not more pain from the ending of that relationship. I have not seen or talked with him since and like I said it the other post, I dont have resentments but I also do not want him in my life, even as a friend.

Another case of seeing the red flags and putting off dealing with it. By the time that relationship ended I was prepared somewhat, it was more ego on how it ended. Yes it hurt but we are not talking life altering.

Today I am seeing someone special and hope that the relationship will grow and become more.... who know, it is not my decision anyway right?

You guys are so sweet though!
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:56 AM
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I think a great thread to read on all of this is the earlier one - back in May 2006. I don't mean to signal out Cynay in particular, because we've all done it. I look at things I was so certain of, and then time has proved me wrong. Having the patience to take the time and let things play out the way they should - that is one of struggles I deal with.

((()))
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Old 03-12-2007, 10:57 AM
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No joke about struggling with letting things play out the way they should.

I was very sure that Mr. R and I would end up married.... I had know him 3 year or so before but again... you dont really know someone unless you are looking from the inside out. I do love him and I supose part of me always will, but not in the way that a husband/wife love.

SO... hopefully I have learned not to fight the journey.... I hope so because I dont want to keep doing that. Today I try to make sure Im communicating honestly and watching the actions, not so much the words... Also I work really hard on "letting" it unfold without trying to control it.

I have to admitt though it gives me knots in my tummy at times.
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Cynay View Post
I have to admit though it gives me knots in my tummy at times.
I could get my merit badge in tying knots all over again. I comfort myself by saying if it puts a knot in my stomach I'm doing the right thing. I'm only half kidding LOL.
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:12 AM
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I agree..... no 1/2 about it.

Usually if it feels uncomfortable and Im working my program and communicating with my sponsor or therapist.... I know it is the right action... cuz If I was comfortable with it and Im a codie then I have probably done it the comfortable way 1000 times with the wrong results.... Can we say insanity?
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:35 PM
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I'm such a goofball I just wanted to make sure you were taken care of because you're always so kind to us when we come here and we're so sad.

It's not easy to deal with other people's troubles all the time. Sometimes I can't even read other threads because I'm so overwhelmed with my own hurts. I appreciate your help and what it takes out of you to be there for people, Cynay.
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:37 PM
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awwww.....yer no goof ball, wantsout....you just have a real sweet heart! i agree about cynay....she's always taking care of us and we don't give much back....i thought it was so very sweet to start the thread to show her support.
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Old 03-12-2007, 03:58 PM
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cynay, i love to see that you've found someone new in your life. that's a worry of mine... that i'll never trust anyone again, i'll push them away, and maybe that i gave up and walked away from my one true love... the one i'm meant to be with even through all of the heartbreak. good for you, i love to hear that it's possible and that it will work out for me too!
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Old 03-12-2007, 04:12 PM
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I think the difference is not that I trust them more.... its that I trust myself more. I know that a relationship ending is not the worse thing that can happen. As long as Im working my program, reading and doing my best to keep the focus on me then my world will be fine.

I honestly feel that everyone that has entered my life has for a reason, I trust that there is a plan for me and I dont believe I was ment to spend the rest of my life single, I just have to have faith that there is a plan and Im right where Im supose to be.
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:28 PM
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Well... amazing how this worked out...no sooner then I posted... that relationship ended.

When God closes one door he opens another right.... I hope the next door does not hurt so much
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:50 PM
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So sorry to hear that, Cynay. Sometimes the doors get me down.

((()))
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Old 03-13-2007, 04:14 AM
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Ahhh well, they say the trick is to turn your back on the closed door so you can see what God is opening up right in front of you.

This too shall pass and I look forward to seeing what the bigger plan is.... well at least that is what Im telling myself.
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Old 03-13-2007, 11:37 AM
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Oh, Cynay. What a roller coaster. I was so up for you, then down! I read with a smile how you had found someone special....always happy that we can find another to care about.
Then, a few minutes later, it was done. So sorry! durn it....but, like you said this too will pass. Onto the next step in our journey. Linda
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Old 03-13-2007, 01:27 PM
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Thanks hon.

Yep this one has been up and down, hopefully the lesson has been learned.

But honestly, though hurt Im ok with this. Very suprised but trusting that Im right where I need to be.
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Old 03-13-2007, 01:31 PM
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"Ahhh well, they say the trick is to turn your back on the closed door so you can see what God is opening up right in front of you."

Is that what they mean when folks say, "don't let the door hit you in the asp?" And all this time, I thought they were being rude....

Sorry to hear the news, Cynay.
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