Intervention???????
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
IMHO........no one will change until they are ready, even if you interveen. It may work for a short while, but unless that person is ready there will always be a relapse.
BUT.....no one can tell us CoDe's what to do either. I know from experience that once the mind is made up to do something or try one last hope of fixing things, I'm gonna do it. So I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and I hope it works out for the best.
BUT.....no one can tell us CoDe's what to do either. I know from experience that once the mind is made up to do something or try one last hope of fixing things, I'm gonna do it. So I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and I hope it works out for the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 50
thank you all for replying
thanks to all of you who replied to my post. at this point he seems to have snapped back to reality. he's seen a mental health person also, which he so desperately needs. they put him on a mild depression medication which will be monitored monthly. he has also entered a program (once again, but i'm hoping once again as well). it's a 2 yr. program. he's been in this type program once before, but unfortunately he failed. i pray every night that "maybe this time will be the charm", and i will continue to pray for God to help him to help himself. he will be 40 years old in august and other than pray for him, there isn't much else i can do.
thanks so much everyone once again. please put him in your prayers as well. noone can have too many prayers!!!!!
thanks so much everyone once again. please put him in your prayers as well. noone can have too many prayers!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by socalgal 
I have very strong feelings about interventions. My family did one on me and to this day I suffer trauma from it. I have even had to deal with this in therapy, 15 years after the fact. The intervention didn't stop me from drinking. I did go to a 30 day program and stay sober for a while, but I simply wasn't ready to stop drinking.
I feel that the intervention was the ultimate codependant power play. It happened because that is what my mother wanted and needed. She manipulated everyone into seeing things her way and they all bought into the idea that this was for "My own good" and because they "loved me". Nobody ever considered that it was a total control thing. In a split second my mother turned every person whom I trusted against me. I have so much hurt and anger over the incident. I have nightmares of walking into that room and seeing all the people I loved looking at me. The "rules" of the intervention didn't allow me to speak, I was just to sit there and listen. They took away my voice. I felt quite victimized and treated like a criminal and it ws all done in a very "loving" way with carefully scripted words. It was terrible and I felt trapped and I did what they wanted and I have still not recovered.
I got sober when it was my idea and my choice. I have been sober for 13+ years.
This is just my experience, but I felt compelled to share what can happen.
The intervention was led by a pro.
Everyone's situation is different. I think the relationship I have/had with my codependent mother who has tried to control me since birth was a very negative factor in my case.
-K
I feel that the intervention was the ultimate codependant power play. It happened because that is what my mother wanted and needed. She manipulated everyone into seeing things her way and they all bought into the idea that this was for "My own good" and because they "loved me". Nobody ever considered that it was a total control thing. In a split second my mother turned every person whom I trusted against me. I have so much hurt and anger over the incident. I have nightmares of walking into that room and seeing all the people I loved looking at me. The "rules" of the intervention didn't allow me to speak, I was just to sit there and listen. They took away my voice. I felt quite victimized and treated like a criminal and it ws all done in a very "loving" way with carefully scripted words. It was terrible and I felt trapped and I did what they wanted and I have still not recovered.
I got sober when it was my idea and my choice. I have been sober for 13+ years.
This is just my experience, but I felt compelled to share what can happen.
The intervention was led by a pro.
Everyone's situation is different. I think the relationship I have/had with my codependent mother who has tried to control me since birth was a very negative factor in my case.
-K
One of the things I have learned at ALANON (they follow the same beliefs as AA) is that holding on to resentment and anger is like holding hot coals in my hand... I only get burnt or the other one is like drinking poison hoping it will poison someone else.
Is it possible whatever character defects your mother has that she LOVES YOU?
There are other recovering addicts that despite hating the promting to detox/intervention/falling on their faces/hitting bottom are grateful to their family for doing it once sober and thinking clearly.
Though you say you got sober when it was your choice and idea; interviews with recovering addicts conducted by professionals show that although the addicts perceptions may have been they "saw the light" or made lucid decisions to quit , analysis shows it was negative consequences "feeling the heat" that motivated them. I just had this conversation with a friend in recovery. He also said that he was different, because he made a clear lucid decision to stop. When we talked further and he looked back at what motivated him to make "his decision" is was indeed PAIN.
Lets say for arguments sake your mother is unbearably controlling and her behavior has indeed caused you great torment.
Imaging you accidently fell off a boat and couldn't swim, and your mother threw you a life preserver and or jumped in to help you.
Where would your resentment/anger be?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pasadena,Ca
Posts: 147
Steve,
Its not resentment. Trust me, I have worked on this and through this for years. I actually suffered trauma and was diagnosed as such. Today my mom and I do have a relationship and she actually has no idea how much pain the intervention caused. Obviously, there is a lot of backstory and circumstances that make my story different from others. I know exactly why I decided to stop, and it wasn't the "pain" or "heat" caused by the intervention.
At the end of the day, I know my mom loves me and I am able to see the intervention as one of the steps that possibly paved the way toward my
recovery because I have come to believe that everything happens when it should and how it should.
I just wanted to say that for some individuals, an intervention might be psycologically damaging. It was for me.
I realize that avid supporters of intervention may not want to see any dissenting or opposing views. But I do feel justified in telling "my" story and feel it is just as valid as any other persons.
I agree, holding on to resentment or anger is toxic. That isn't what this is.
Its not resentment. Trust me, I have worked on this and through this for years. I actually suffered trauma and was diagnosed as such. Today my mom and I do have a relationship and she actually has no idea how much pain the intervention caused. Obviously, there is a lot of backstory and circumstances that make my story different from others. I know exactly why I decided to stop, and it wasn't the "pain" or "heat" caused by the intervention.
At the end of the day, I know my mom loves me and I am able to see the intervention as one of the steps that possibly paved the way toward my
recovery because I have come to believe that everything happens when it should and how it should.
I just wanted to say that for some individuals, an intervention might be psycologically damaging. It was for me.
I realize that avid supporters of intervention may not want to see any dissenting or opposing views. But I do feel justified in telling "my" story and feel it is just as valid as any other persons.
I agree, holding on to resentment or anger is toxic. That isn't what this is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
I wasn't referring to pain or heat caused by an intervention, rather negative consequences from using.
Many of us have had serious issues with one or both parents(myself included) but many do not turn to chemical addiction to cope.
A friend in recovery told me once for each finger of blame the addict points, 3 fingers point at him/her.
Wew must all get on with our lives.
Many of us have had serious issues with one or both parents(myself included) but many do not turn to chemical addiction to cope.
A friend in recovery told me once for each finger of blame the addict points, 3 fingers point at him/her.
Wew must all get on with our lives.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
http://www.dioceseoflansing.org/cath...inek_chart.pdf
That is not at all what I meant. In no way was it meant to be a judgement. I recall from attending family workshops hosted by addiction therapists going over the Jellinek Chart, after Dr. Jellinek.
One of the points stressed and explained was "relief drinking". It is not normal for someone to turn to alcohol for relief of problems. And yes non alcoholics may at tme look to alcohol for relief but not become alcoholic. It may be a short lived event.
I cannot agree you more in that nobody wakes up one day and says they will be an addict.
That is not at all what I meant. In no way was it meant to be a judgement. I recall from attending family workshops hosted by addiction therapists going over the Jellinek Chart, after Dr. Jellinek.
One of the points stressed and explained was "relief drinking". It is not normal for someone to turn to alcohol for relief of problems. And yes non alcoholics may at tme look to alcohol for relief but not become alcoholic. It may be a short lived event.
I cannot agree you more in that nobody wakes up one day and says they will be an addict.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
