Grace

I absolutely meant no disrespect, Lillian. This is a great post AND it really made me think.

We become adapted, at some point, to being treated poorly. Perhaps there is a degree of excitement in that when we are younger. But, at my age, finally, I just want some peace and quiet and happiness.

I don't push the lever anymore....I walk away from it.

Thanks for letting my share my opinion.
Grace

Grace

In my words... "cognitive" denotes of the mind or thoughtfulness and "dissonance" is lack of harmony or to a greater degree disharmony.
I would describe it as feeling badly when going against one's good conscience or on the flip side doing something right when the thoughts/feelings say the opposite. The action/thought does not match.
It describes what the addict, or anyone else trying to change may feel when they struggle and 'fall' or relapse.
I hope that helps a bit.

I tried to put someone else's quote here and failed!

I feel the need to apologize for sharing my thoughts. More codependency!!!

I agree with what is stated above. Perhaps there was a time when I enjoyed the negative consequences. All I'm saying is that I don't anymore. I'm not such a thrill-seeker anymore. I'm a little afraid of roller coasters now. Perhaps I did have the hopes that I could change him, but now I've finally realized that I can only change myself. I don't enjoy the misery. I've had many episodes of cognitive dissonance, where my thoughts didn't match my actions. That's why I'm here and that's probably why my family and friends think I'm crazy. Yep....I'm a crazy codependent!!! I'm still working on getting better though.