ohiolostsoul

I have been reading these boards for a long time and posted once or twice. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that I am not the only one out there dealing with this. I reached my breaking point this week. I came home Tuesday night and he was drunk (he actually was on quite a binge for 4 days). In his drunkeness, he said some not nice things to me. Told me that he this is his life and if he wants to drink himself to death, then he will, none of anyone elses business. I promptly went upstairs, packed the things that I needed for the week and left. This had been a LONG time coming. It has been quite the rollercoaster this week. He called Wednesday morning and apologized for how he acted the night before. I told him that I will stay with my aunt and uncle until I get an apartment. We are not filing anything official right way. I told him that if he starts to get help, then maybe 6-8 months down the line we can try to work on things, but right now, I can't live with him. What makes it so tough is that for the last few days, I have only talked to him sober. That is the person I still love...I have to remember the bad in order to stay strong and remember that this is the best decision for me. Thanks for listening!

lilac

(((Hugs to you))) Welcome to SR.

I know how difficult this is for you right now, but you are doing good.
I hate it when they talk to us sober, it just reminds us of the person that was there before the alcohol took over.

6-8 months is reasonable, I think......but right now he is all tALK, gotta see some actions.

Please continue to come here.....

duet_4-8

Welcome, glad you decided to join in. Reading is great, but sharing here has helped me so much!

Stay strong and enforce your boundaries. You are doing great! It is difficult to remember the junk when they are sober and sane. But if he isn't in recovery, the junk always come back.

I admire your courage and strength!

dollydo

Welcome, sounds like a good plan to me.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts, it will help.

ICU

Welcome to SR Ohiolostsoul,

Glad to have you here with us.

Ahhh yes....those sober days, hours, moments, or seconds....(how ever long they may last) are sometimes very hard to let go of. For awhile there, I clung to them like it was a life preserver (cause in my mind and heart, it sort of was)! But I soon found out it was just an illusion when the next 'episode' occurred.

Glad you're taking some positive steps for yourself. Keep reading here (the stickies too), and please keep coming back!

denny57

Sounds like a good plan, ohio. I try to always put myself in the other's shoes. If I do not stick to the plan that I know is good for me, and return to my old ways after a week, then why would the other person change their old ways after that same week? Something has to change for good and I only have power over myself. I believe if you stick to your plan of change, only good things will come from it.

Good luck and keep posting - don't go through it alone!

hope2bhappy

Ohio, he did not mean what he said. It's the alcohol talking. But you don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. My prayer for you is that you are brave and strong enough to take care of you right now. If you do this, then you might hear that sober voice for many years to come. Wouldn't that be great?

criss-cross

Ohio,
Start a journal. Write good or bad what is going on with alcoholic husband or what you had to deal with because of the alcoholic.
Then, when he talks to you sober - go back and reread what you have written. After a few rounds of AH being sober, then angry, then affectionate, then too drunk to call, then calling all the time trying to sober up - his pattern has been established so it's not so hard to fall for the sober talk anymore.

It sure helps in my case, I don't want to go back to where we were. And in many cases talking sober is a transitory state, it doesn't stay for too long.

6-8 months is a good plan, write things down - sometimes we forget what's really happened.

MsGolightly

i also think a journal is a good idea... or also post more on here about your story so far and keep us posted - it definitely helps to have something to reread, especially when i'm only thinking about the good things and the "good," "sober" person i was with.

i've found that it also helps to distance myself. to think about my situation as one that my friend was sharing with me. what would i tell a friend to do? what would my advice be? why can i dish it out but not do it myself?

when i begin to ask WHY, i realize that the answer is often staring me in the face, i just never had the guts to open my eyes until now.