domestic violence
I just wanted to add that sometimes we can only make the best decision that we can at the time. We do that by following our gut, basing it on our knowledge due to personal experiences and remembering that our motivation is honorable.
In these cases I don't think manipulation really has anything to do with it. I hope I'm being supportive here and don't sound 'preachy'. I know I sometimes tend do that (but I'm working on it)! :-)
In these cases I don't think manipulation really has anything to do with it. I hope I'm being supportive here and don't sound 'preachy'. I know I sometimes tend do that (but I'm working on it)! :-)
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
It's the 'good ole boy' bs. My AH owned a sporting goods store where a lot of our local yokels shopped, and they thought he was just all that.
Wonder what they think now that the store is boarded up and he is living in a camper??
What goes around comes around in the end.
Wonder what they think now that the store is boarded up and he is living in a camper??
What goes around comes around in the end.
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
I was surprised, but not surprised, to hear so many women at the shelter I stayed at talk about how they were abused as children and teens. We grow up with this weird attraction to our "missing piece"; that person who will abuse us...I remember the day I recognized it in myself.
I realized that the reason I was always so strongly attracted to men who had a very obvious flaw (and was suspicious of someone who seemed "too nice"), was because I didn't think I was good enough to attract someone good, decent, kind, and intelligent. I was flawed, so I deserved someone equally (or so I thought) flawed.
It usually starts young, which is what angers me about that woman just cavalierly saying "Oh, she knows all about it." Dang, woman, if you can't "wake up" for yourself, think about what kind of life your are preparing for your children.
My children have saved my life more than once. They deserve a chance at happiness; the thought of watching them when I'm 40 or 50 get married to or put up with a relationship which hurts them...that's what motivated me more than trying to protect myself.
I realized that the reason I was always so strongly attracted to men who had a very obvious flaw (and was suspicious of someone who seemed "too nice"), was because I didn't think I was good enough to attract someone good, decent, kind, and intelligent. I was flawed, so I deserved someone equally (or so I thought) flawed.
It usually starts young, which is what angers me about that woman just cavalierly saying "Oh, she knows all about it." Dang, woman, if you can't "wake up" for yourself, think about what kind of life your are preparing for your children.
My children have saved my life more than once. They deserve a chance at happiness; the thought of watching them when I'm 40 or 50 get married to or put up with a relationship which hurts them...that's what motivated me more than trying to protect myself.
I had no idea I was being abused until I attended Al-Anon. I don't advocate one way or the other, just sharing my experience. Whatever someone grasps first, which for me was Al-Anon, all that matters is that the grasping happens.
Much love.
Much love.
I think as we get older, we step up more. It's sort of like our tolerance has a shorter measure. I think we see that even planting a seed is doing something.
She'll probably be back. It sounds like enough people are in on her secret that something will get done. The church and the police arent going to participate in her denial. I don't imagine your lodge wants squad cars outside three days a week either.
An important point has been missed here.
You may have planted a seed with the mother but you definately planted a seed with the child. You are that nice lady at the lodge with the friendly dog.
You are not the ex wife of an alcoholic, suddenly you are the light at the end of a little girls tunnel, a bright spot in her typical screwed up day. Instead of going to bed remembering sirens and squad cars, she will be thinking of that nice lady and her friendly dog. So little, yet so much.
She'll probably be back. It sounds like enough people are in on her secret that something will get done. The church and the police arent going to participate in her denial. I don't imagine your lodge wants squad cars outside three days a week either.
An important point has been missed here.
You may have planted a seed with the mother but you definately planted a seed with the child. You are that nice lady at the lodge with the friendly dog.
You are not the ex wife of an alcoholic, suddenly you are the light at the end of a little girls tunnel, a bright spot in her typical screwed up day. Instead of going to bed remembering sirens and squad cars, she will be thinking of that nice lady and her friendly dog. So little, yet so much.
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