2many2count

My Story......
My husband is an alcoholic and has been diagnosed as Bi-Polar. If anyone knows anything about Bi-Polar disorder you know that its difficult to handle from day to day. I have been a stay-at-home Mom for 2 years now and I've recently started a business of my own. I can work my own schedule, etc... Well, my husband and his father owned their own Construction Co, for many years until my father in law became disabled. He left the business to my husband and eventually it crumbled. He found a job with a local construction company and worked for about 2 months and was fired. Then he found another job and was fired from that job too. So, we go from living with a stable income to hardly any income at all. I have become the concrete that is holding everyone in my LARGE family together. I am TIRED! Since he has stabilized with his medication his drinking has cut down but there are days when he is taking this medicine and drinking too. You know, I am reaching the end of my rope. I struggle with my own emotions and don't have time to deal with them. Can't get to an alanon meeting for all the daily crap I have to put up with. Besides they only meet once a week and nobody can babysit that night so I suffer. I am on medication now for depression and anxiety. I think that all the medication in the world couldn't touch the constant anxiety I have. Can't eat, can['t sleep, can't even take a shower alone unless its in the middle of the night.

Thanks for letting me vent today. I feel a little relief already.

Gabe

overwhelmed. It's hard to make time for yourself when you don't have help from your husband or from family and friends. I don't know what the answer is for you, but I will pray that you find it. Being responsible for all the parenting, all the bills and having to deal with alcoholism is just too much for one person. God bless you. I hope He sends you your miracle soon.
Hugs to you.
Peace,
Gabe

JT

2many,

You may not be able to attend Alanon meetings but you can come here and we will be here for you.

You can also check out the stickies at the top of both anon forums, there is some great reading and tools as well as a list of good books you can read. Melody Beattie is a fav around here and those can be found at the library to give them a test run and if you want to buy you can do that later. You can also find Alanon literature at the library.

There is a ton you can do for you beginning with changing your focus. By that I mean thinking of yourself. What a concept! What do YOU want in your life? What will YOU accept and what won't you?

The tools are out there for you. To find peace whether you stay or not. To grow and become strong and to learn that whatever you want out of life is not to much to ask.

Stick around and do some reading. What have you got to lose?

Hugs,
JT

liddy

You sound so tiered I feel for you.
please look for even short periods where you
can meditate and relax.If you cant make meetings
right now do get some literature,you need some time for
yourself,if you dont get better who will you be good for?

2many, most of us came here or to alanon quite mentaly
sick from the effects of anothers alcoholism , recovery has
become our main motivator-do whatever you can at this time
for you !

Hugs
liddy

2many2count

Thanks for listening....sometimes everyone needs someone to vent to other than family and friends. Especially when they don't know what its like to live with an alcoholic. I keep all of my problems and fears bottled up inside because I really don't have people that I can relate to. Our friends live in a perfect world...whatever that is. My family is far away and my husbands family...well, you can't talk to them about their son being an ass at times.

I know what I want out of life....it just feels like there is a concrete wall separating me from my dreams. Then I get into these thoughts about HOPE. I hope for things. People always say you have to have hope. What if you hope for things like stability, structure in your life. Just a plain old normal life without so much drama all of the time. Is this just a mere dream? Can I really achieve this with 4 children, single again? I am more realistic these days because I have exhausted myself with hoping for things that never happen. I don't quite understand the concept of hope anymore. I used to love to sit back and dream of normalcy. I pray for some sort of peace in my life. I consider myself a good person. I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I follow through with my word because I was always taught that your only as good as your word. I don't drink or use drugs. I take very good care of my children. What in the world did I do to deserve the torment I am living in now?

I know that I have choices...but what are they really? I feel stuck in my life right now. In a big 'ol rut!!!!

What I would love to do is jump in the car and drive away. I have nowhere to go.

Somebody...anybody....tell me what hope really is. My spirit has been broken and I feel hopeless. A song keeps popping in my head as I'm typing this. I Hope You Dance. What a great song!
Maybe my spirit isn't dead yet.

"I Hope You Dance"

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.


Thanks y'all!

lyn_blossom78

I could have written most of your letter myself, so I share your desperation! One of the things I have learned to do is to try to find joy in some of the small things in life. Having kids can really help with that (really--I mean--really!!!). I have 5. They are between 13 and 21 now, but they needed sitters at one time too. I started filling out a daily calendar that had only one line with the best thing that happened to me that day. Sometimes it is hard to find even one thing good, but really search. I have to "run" my kids a lot, and have a lot of waiting time. I started using it for reading things that are good for me, or writing about things I want to accomplish. Sometimes I have to let the dishes go (even if I'll be called a lazy slob later by my A) and play a game with my kids. I know you feel tired, and can't even imagine "starting" something. That's part of depression. But take a minute when the kids are in bed, and take a bubble bath. Burn some candles. Turn on some soft music. Or plug in a video for the kids to do it and promise something special afterward if they give you a little peace. Fifteen minutes can make a big difference in your attitude.

It sounds to me like you really need to seek your Higher Power. I'll be praying for you.

Lyn

2many2count

You know....you are right. Thank you so much for the daily calendar idea. I think I'll start today. Maybe putting my joy on paper where I can see it daily will help me keep my head on straight even when I feel like its going to POP off. I really Appreciate that!!!! I mean it!******{lyn}}}}



2many2count

lyn_blossom78

Hope it made your day better. Gee, that song has been running through my head all day, and I can't get it out. I'm going to have to print the words off, so I can sing it instead of just hum it!

Lyn

paige n

your posts made me cry... I so feel your pain. I only have two little children, I can't imagine what its like to have 5. I too lived in my own private hell with my A for a long time. I'm now living with my parents trying to get my life back on track. I don't seem to worry about him as much anymore because I'm not there so I obviously can't control anything! You should try to find a babysitter for just a few hours so you can have some "me" time. I used to call sitters and tell them I wanted 2-3 hours on the weekend and would take them whenever they were available. I really didn't care what time they came over, I just needed time to myself. It definitely helps. I will keep you in my prayers...hang in there.