fluffyflea

Sarcasm and lecturing are some of mine. Trying to make people see my point of view.
'

Earthworm

Cynay

Ohhhhhh I forgot about this one. But for me is was to "show" him what a great person he had and that no one would want to or could treat him better then I could.... that he was lucky to have me. Not only that, but in doing so his whole family would tell him the same thing.... UUUGGGGGGGGGG

I spent so much time working on him that when it ended there was not alot of me.

Notoshure

I guess thats what I do But my Ah always seems to have a good come back he's pretty quick when it comes to that I not sure if I ever get my point across?

mfisher

Did anyone try dissappearing, thinking they would care or miss us.
If they could just experience not knowing where we are, wanting them to worry. Unfortunatley he never noticed I was gone.

Andrech

My first day here, dont know what to do, was just a long shot too see if I could find some support online, am glad I found this site, will not be going to meetings... Have a plan, a strategy, but also aware that I would not make it on only that, need people, words around me, like here.....

Andrech

I tried dissapering, I actually did.... I didnt know if they missed me at the time, when I finally got in touch after, being hidden away in a danish jail for about 2 months, with restrictions, they were glad to hear from me. My parents and sister, that is...

Notoshure

that reminds me of old sitcom called soap the guy thought he could become invisible by waving his hands . can't remember his name anyway, how can we really disappear ? there couldn't be any mirrors around 'cause there we are' just like we always are .

prodigal

I did the walk-out-and-disappear act. Didn't phase him in the least. I never heard a word out of him the entire week I was out of town. I just came home one day and he was having his "final" glass of wine. Oh please ... wait ... I'm falling off my chair in hysterical laughter at that one. Yep, that old box of wine was empty. Hmmm ... that recent "sobriety" lasted all of 11 days, which is the usual amount of time before he gets boozed up again.

After seeing him for about 10 minutes, I left. There was some contact, but it went from him being civil to becoming nastier with ever encounter. I realized I was STILL MANIPULATING IN THOSE FINAL HOURS. I was trying to get him to "express" himself, to share his "feelings." OMG, I was crazier than him!!

So there I sat trying to get an A to share and express!!! Yeah, let me get into your business and your head and your disease one more time and draw you out so you'll see the light. Manipulation + insanity = codie meltdown!

dollydo

Oh boy, you name it, I tried it....all to no avail...what a waste of time and energy..the only person I was manipulating was me...sounds strange, however, I was trying to convince me, not him...

Grace

I make plans on the weekends now when I know he's going to be drinking.
I hate the weekends with him. He's a terrible mean drunk. I'm not trying to manipulate him though. I'm just trying to stay away from his bulls**t.

Ronron

I, too, have used sarcasm, yelling, stomping, sighing...(interestingly, these are her responses to minor annoyances, especially when she is drinking, responses that I find abhorent, but somehow, it felt like the only language she would understand...NOT!)

SO, the upshot is, I get angry. I'll do my best to walk away and not say anything at all. I have to set boundaries - when I do, she will get defensive and I will get angry....maybe, eventually, she'll wake up. Maybe not. I will be a better, more healthy person. I can't manipulate her into sobriety. I don't have to accept her behavior, but I can't manipulate her into behaving well. I am the one who has to change. When my changing becomes so uncomfortable that I don't like myself, I will have to make that final difficult decision and ask her to leave. I hope and pray it never comes to that, but it may...

This really is such a great supportive place.

Roni

cuttlefish

I was scrolling and found this post again...so I'm bumping it!

I never really think about the manipulations I use...but anything I've used on my bf, has been tried and tested on my family and friends. Cold shoulder, guilt trips, crying, screaming, plain leaving...

I used to ask when he was going to enroll in classes again. He got kicked out of college with a year left to go, and that really bugs him...and I knew when I ask that I was shoving that in his face.

He manipulated me, I did that same right back....not a healthy dynamic. I'm trying to be aware of this now. I'm finding that being clear and direct is working, no one is a mind reader.

There was a lot of really great posts here that just got me thinking. There's no healing when you take the moral high ground, and that's what manipulation is part of I think.

SaTiT

I was diagnose as being passive agressive....what da ???

I think it's becuase i give the silent treatment.

duet_4-8

Been there SO many times. Latest one was just last week. When it was over, I felt physically sick-of myself!