AllTooSober

I've been emailing with the ex's mother today to schedule a time when I can reclaim some items that she'd been storing for me since I moved in with the ex last summer. She says she's "puzzled" by the fact that I'm not talking to him. When I replied that I've struggled with that and couldn't imagine how it'd be helpful for him to talk to me, she responded with "I can't imagine how it'd be harmful." Of course she doesn't.

All I know is that nothing can be gained by my talking to him, unless it's to give him a sense of closure, but I think I'd be putting myself at risk if I called him.

Anyway, I'm scheduled to go there on Friday evening (and I specifically requested that the ex not be present). If she gets into it, I think I'll respond with "I'll consider it," and then let the matter drop.

The ex's parents are wonderful people, and I don't blame them for trying to intercede on their son's behalf. They're not strangers to his issues, but at the same time they're quite good at enabling. Am I doing the right thing here?

I can't wait until this part is over. Then I never have to talk to any of them again if I don't want to.

WantsOut

If I were you I'd just be gracious. If they say anything nutso to you, have the confidence in your own truth - no need to make them believers. A simple shrug is all the answer you need give imo.

AllTooSober

Thanks WO--I was hoping somebody would say just that. :-)

embraced2000

hi ats
you sound so very good....determined....focused....

one thought i had was...could you possibly pay someone to go pick up the belongings for you?

the parents probably just don't understand that talking with him would hurt you or impede your recovery, just like you said. but the question is....should you, one more time, put your wants and needs behind the wants and needs of others?

good luck...and you do sound so incredibly strong and sure

love to you
jeri

hope2bhappy

You seem to have a really good handle on everything. Good for you.

AllTooSober

Embraced, your idea is a good one, but I'm pretty sure I can handle them, especially since I'll have my parents with me for moral (and furniture lifting) support.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, everybody. It's amazing how much more I feel like my old self in the mere two weeks since I moved out of the insanity. Who knows how long I would have stayed without you all backing me up! I might have actually married the guy.

StandingStrong

A person will not see the truth until they are ready. From experience, I know that the truth used to stare me in the face but I chose not to see it. I preferred to live in my world of denial as I couldn't bear the truth. I can only imagine that as a parent, it would even be harder.

I also know that it didn't matter what others said to me. Until I was really ready to see and deal with the truth - I continued to struggle through my own denial and crazy thinking.

That being said - I'd suggest you just get your items and move on with your life. It doesn't matter what you say to her. She won't "get it" until she's ready - and that may be "never".

Don't let her get to you. You know the truth and that is what matters.

denny57

ATS I see a lot of compassion from you all around. Being able to see all sides really helps. It also helps me be comfortable in the decision I end up making for myself.

Good luck with everything - glad to hear you're feeling better every day!

lilac

I am glad to hear that your parents will be with you for support.

You sound very focused and that is good

Know that what you are doing is right, his parents are still enablers.

fluffyflea

One of the rewards of recovery is we can learn to put ourselves first and accept and be comfortable that other people don't have to see our truth.

Earthworm

Sunflower

they are nice people and have been good to you--be gracious--and then move on--it's not there fault...

AllTooSober

You're quite right frizzylynn, they are dear people and I have no wish to cause them any further distress. I feel confident that I can handle them with grace and tact. Thank you for reminding me. :-)

AllTooSober

Well, it's done. I got my stuff from his parents' house, and it went off uneventfully, which was all I could have asked for. My ex-A was NOT there, and his mother didn't pry or scold or anything. We were all cordial and polite. I was too emotional to be any warmer with her... didn't feel like becoming an emotional sobbing mess.

Anyway, I'm SO RELIEVED that it's over. Whew.

newenglandgirl

Job well done

lilac

Glad it is over for you too ~!

free2be

Do you miss them? the in-laws. I am having more of a hard time letting them go. Is it possible to continue a relationship? Has anyone? My in-laws are great people and I love them dearly. Just curious.

denny57

(((ats)))

AllTooSober

I really do miss them. They've always been just wonderful to me, but I don't think I can maintain a relationship with them. They are dear and warm people but they enable their A son a bit too much and I don't think there's room for both of us for my own comfort.