tuffenuff

Well, Friday night started off good, we had recently joined a bowling league during ABF's 12 day sobriety stint. Last Friday he ended up drinking at the bowling alley. My son & I bowl together first, then ABF's and my league starts. ANYWAYS...........he of course stops at the liquor store on the way home, passes out on the couch (my son is with me on weekends). I ask him if he'll go in to sleep in the bedroom if I clear off the bed, he says yes, so I did that in like, 2.5 seconds, then come back out to nudge him and tell him to go into bed. He just stared at me like a space alien, not saying a word. We ended up in an argument, him telling me he's sick of me etc....... and alternately begging me to come into bed with him (for sex, which is practically non-existant in our lives now). Very inappropriate, I was spending time with my 15 and 19 year old, thanks but no thanks! I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore, not when he's been drinking.

Oh yeah, then he blames the fact that he started drinking again was because I refused the one advance he made during his 12 day sobriety! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! He can't REALLY believe that, can he?

Saturday I was out of the house, visiting with friends etc...and my dad while he slept all day.

Sunday night, he is convinced that he hears me talking on the phone and laughing with some guy named Vince or Vance (I wasn't on the phone at all.) Says he is done, not paying any more rent here...etc.......

Yesterday he was almost normal again, we got along OK, but I am getting to the end of my rope here. Oh yeah, forgot to mention he pulled a dissapearing act last Wednesday ......back into other behaviors (drugs) that he has not been on in over 2 years. Nothing is getting better.

Now.........time for MY confession. I met someone. In Europe, when we were there. I am in love. I am thinking of moving there. It would mean an
EXTREME change in my lifestyle/standard of living, but.I feel I would regret not having tried it/doing it. There is a HUGE age difference, which doesn't bother me (at 38, I'm the young one). Life is too short, and I have never been TRULY happy. Even my mom thinks I owe it to myself to take the chance, if it'll be good for me. One good thing, Mr Europe doesn't drink.
We really click. We had a 3 month relationship last year while ABFwas getting bombed every day/night. I wasn't looking for love, it just happened.

Sorry this was so long..I had to get it off my chest...................I'm a ball of nerves lately, can't keep food down, naseous, heart palpitations, tired all the time....you get the picture.

lilac

(((tuffenuff)))

Sorry you are going through this ..................

Does he live with you? If so, the next time he says he's done start handing him his crap.

The man in Europe sounds very nice. Just be careful......you are vulnerable right now....

Much love and luck to you.

CatsPajamas

Here's what my experience has taught me:

** it's never too late to start the rest of your life

** wherever you go, there you are. If you haven't worked through some of your issues, they will happily follow along wherever you go. Even to Europe. Trust me, I went there and I'll be danged if all my baggage didn't come right along with me. (and my suitcases too!)

** I owe it to my children to live a life of recovery - they deserve a mom who is healthy, happy and whole. My sons remember how I WAS and now they really appreciate who I am now.

Good luck, tuffy!

~ Cat

mallowcup

Full Moon. I had a bad weekend too. His "my cup is half empty", was lovely. He was smashed most of the weekend and he's picked up some nice language. He doesnt' want to be touched, he doesn't feel sexual toward "anyone". He says what was between us may be dead. Quack quack quack.
I don't know how to relax. Quack.
I think he's impotent so if you can't have sex, why not pretend you don't want to?
Love is grand. The only thing I'd be careful of it takes so little from another man to impress you since you are so used to what you have. I think if a man asked me for the time of day, I'd be in love with him.
With this last little diatribe, I know I can blow it off, his quacking is losing its zing. I AM capable of giving him exactly what he wants. Nothing.

dollydo

Only you can make the decision...and, everyone deserves to be happy.

I know you will make the right decision for you.

StandingStrong

After having read your post, I guess I just have to ask......

Why are you with him at all?

From what I can tell, you aren't happy with the life you have with him and you are pining away for another man.

So, again, why are you still with your ABF?

Sunflower

ah-where do your kids fit into this?If you move away are they going with you-or are they staying here and with whom?
Why would you have him over when your kids are there for a weekend visit?
Moving won't solve your problems--you can run but you can't hide---your mom knows you better than us--maybe she is right and you should go.....

Tenderheart

Dear Tuffenuf: I know the game and feel the pain. Have an Son that's been on alcohol since he was 14 - he's now 38, on his last month's rent, had his car repossessed two weeks ago, has lost his last four jobs, looks terrible and is experiencing some major health problems. I can tell you from experience that we enabled him for years, spending hours on the telephone, expending money and time to get him back on his feet, as did other people when he was out of work. Making him comfortable will only extend his stay on alcohol. Alcoholics know little more than manipulation and getting their next drink. Stop making it easy for him and get tough with your rules when he stays with you. If he can't/won't respect his time with you, then don't allow him to come. Demanding respect and setting rules are as much a part of love for him as is making your son comforatable when he visits you. He will continue to push your limit and take advantage of the situation. Put a lid on it now.

tuffenuff

Well, ABF and I live together. I do love him, he's a good guy and at one point I did think I was going to marry him. I just can't tolereate all the boozing. It sucks, it really does.
I am financially destitiute, which is why I am in the process of beginning nursing school. I am employed...albeit part-time at the moment.

Thanks to everyone who replied for all the insight. I am just trying to get through a day at a time here.

I have today off and neeed to have lunch with my 77 y/old father who will be returning to Europe (he basically lives there now) on Tuesday. The last time he left, I didn't see him for over two years.

My goal for the weekend is to get to a meeting on Sunday and to get my bedrooom cleaned (I have SO let it go......probably has a deeper meaning.......) and if the weather clears up...to try out my brand new bicycle!

Thankd for the ear, and I hope the rest of you have a nice, safe, peacefull weekend too. I know I'm not the only one here dealing with "Life".

Grace

Hi tuffenuff!
I live with my ABF. I know that he has a lot of pain from his childhood and drinks to fill that void; HOWEVER, don't we all have some issues to deal with? Does that give him the right to treat me like s**t every weekend when he gets drunk. NO!NO!NO!
I am also in financial straits. In the process of trying to get disability due to some health problems. I go one day at a time, one moment at a time. I try to live life to the fullest in spite of him. I pray, quite frequently, that God will bring a good kind man into my life, but I know that he won't as long as I'm here. BUT, I also know that I am too needy right now and not healthy enough to jump into another relationship. I have to get myself healthy before I could have a healthy relationship. You don't want to take any baggage with you.

I would never be able to head off to Europe because of my daughter. I wouldn't want to leave her. I don't know all of your circumstances, but don't jump into anything without thinking it over. If this is the real thing with Mr. Europe, he'll wait while you think this thing through. I think that after being involved with an addict, and being a codie, we still have a tendency to be attracted to the wrong type of man. This is just my opinion, but when I get away from this guy again, I'll be VERY CAREFUL who I get involved with again. Like someone said to me recently on here, they can spot us from a mile away. I'm not trying to be discouraging. We all want to be loved. I'm just giving you my opinion.

Have a great weekend tuffenuf! I will! My daughter and I are going on a date tomorrow night and I can't wait.

Grace