Still doing good..I think
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 29
Still doing good..I think
So, I haven't had any major breakdowns like I've been having, crying for hours, just sitting there. I'm actually pretty happy with the way things are going in my life right now. I have no one to answer to, I can actually take a shower without at least 5 calls from my ex asking "Are you done yet?!" But then I stop and wonder, why was I so easy to get over? One month ago, he supposedly loved me, and now? Now, I've been replaced with someone else. Was I just someone to pass the time with for two years? I keep wondering if he cares more about her, if he likes her more, does he even think about me anymore? Is she good to his son? Does his son miss me? Is his life better now that he has some girl that probably does as much drugs as him? Did he ever in those 2 years have real feelings about me? I never thought I would be so easy to get over. So why do I sometimes feel like he's proving me wrong?
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I read this so frequently on F&F. The addict leaves, gets on with his crazy life as if his previous partner was nothing more than doo-doo to be scraped off the bottom of his shoe, and starts shacking up with some new gal. It can be so hurtful to the partner left behind. But think about it this way: the addict had little, if anything, genuinely emotionally invested in the relationship, so partners are interchangeable. The bottle or drug of choice takes priority and whoever comes along for the ride takes the back seat.
It's not that you were easy to get over, it was the way out that was easy because that's how they operate. The booze or drug makes them have that "happy" glow and having a new partner gives them a boost because it's new and novel. I've been married to two A's and the pattern is the same and so predictable: sweep you off your feet, fall "madly" in love, cement the relationship quickly, move it along to some sort of living-together or engaged-to-be-married status in a short period of time. Time moves on. Daily living sets in with its usual challenges and need to negotiate differences. Ain't gonna happen with an A.
They get disillusioned. You're no longer the perfect icon they thought you were. You are not the solution to their problems - they thought youi were the perfect solution and you thought you could "fix" their problems. Thus you have the addict/codie connection. "Real" feelings? Well, that's a subjective term; however even an addict's looney feelings are real unless they're having psychotic delusions. The depth and maturity aren't there, which is what I think makes them capable of moving onto the next partner so quickly.
Not that all of them move on so quickly. Some prefer to play martyred victim and drink in isolation while focusing (as in a codie/addict) on the woman or man who finally had enough and left them. Case in point: look at the people who post here who have dropped the A in their life, only to have the A calling them all the time, and harassing them. So, some quickly un-attach and some refuse to let go. Either way, it's pretty doggone sick!
It's not that you were easy to get over, it was the way out that was easy because that's how they operate. The booze or drug makes them have that "happy" glow and having a new partner gives them a boost because it's new and novel. I've been married to two A's and the pattern is the same and so predictable: sweep you off your feet, fall "madly" in love, cement the relationship quickly, move it along to some sort of living-together or engaged-to-be-married status in a short period of time. Time moves on. Daily living sets in with its usual challenges and need to negotiate differences. Ain't gonna happen with an A.
They get disillusioned. You're no longer the perfect icon they thought you were. You are not the solution to their problems - they thought youi were the perfect solution and you thought you could "fix" their problems. Thus you have the addict/codie connection. "Real" feelings? Well, that's a subjective term; however even an addict's looney feelings are real unless they're having psychotic delusions. The depth and maturity aren't there, which is what I think makes them capable of moving onto the next partner so quickly.
Not that all of them move on so quickly. Some prefer to play martyred victim and drink in isolation while focusing (as in a codie/addict) on the woman or man who finally had enough and left them. Case in point: look at the people who post here who have dropped the A in their life, only to have the A calling them all the time, and harassing them. So, some quickly un-attach and some refuse to let go. Either way, it's pretty doggone sick!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 37
ha! Wow! The only consolation I have to offer is that I go through the same stuff!!! The same thoughts...they do decrease in frequency, and I hear they even go away completely after a while! Won't that be great?!
Otherwise, you're much better off without him. I know it's tough to feel so deceived. We trusted these people, and they in turn walked away, and "moved on" quickly. How?! We'll never know, and maybe years from now we'll get an amends from them. But in the meantime we have to move on ourselves, and learn to love ourselves....In time we'll actually have the relationships we thought we had back then!
Love - LS
Otherwise, you're much better off without him. I know it's tough to feel so deceived. We trusted these people, and they in turn walked away, and "moved on" quickly. How?! We'll never know, and maybe years from now we'll get an amends from them. But in the meantime we have to move on ourselves, and learn to love ourselves....In time we'll actually have the relationships we thought we had back then!
Love - LS
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