well pick that scab off and bleed some more
 

i had the unfortunate encounter last night when someone confirmed (not that i was trying to get any information) that my AH had been screwing around on me pretty much most of the time. he would never admit it. but my therapist helped me deal with the reality that those kind of encounters are pretty common with a f*@!ing alcoholic out in the bars all the time.

i wonder how i possibly could have ever gotten caught up with such a low life m*!^@rf%(*er in the first place. wonder what i would have seen had i walked into the bar some evening to his f***ing surprise.

it burned in me all over again.
i know i know- they don't mean anything. but they sure as hell mock me - next time i saw him that evening, he said something to me and all i had to say to him was "f**& you". what a turn around.

What a great turn around.. That's pretty much sums it up now doesn't it!

So now that you have this knowledge, what are you going to do about it? Accept it as a way of life or set a boundary and say, "no more?" I'm sorry you're hurting.

Dear EA, I am so sorry you are hurting. That is brutal. Not only did he emotionally harm you, but physically what disease has he potentially contracted and given to you? When they lie about drinking, they about condoms

It means something. Infidelity always means something. Out in the bars it's some perverted badge they wear. It may be common but the pain is not common. Infidelity pierces your core.
It was always partcularly heartbreaking to consider that I put so much into it, that my bed was empty and I made excuses for it.
When the sting passes, consider this your permission to do whatever you want with anyone you want. By this, I mean to say, for me, it ended any obligation I felt.
The real slap in the face was to see the doozy my ex picked. I just saw her the other day, toothless, brittle bleached hair, a string of kids trailing behind her....nice.
I've had years to think about it and it really did a number on me.
I think they hook up with these women because they are so easily impresed. A six pack and a car and it's high livin. They require nothing and expect nothing. They were on the bar stool last week and they will be there next week.
Even if she is a scank, it hurts. For me, the slow agony of progressive loss was dying slowly. When I found out about the infidelity, it was like someone just shot a spear through my heart and ended it once and for all.
Oh, there was a tremendous purge of sorrow, but it passed.
Years later, I see it as God revealing a truth that set me free finally. The truth wasn't going to change just because I didn't know it....so it was revealed to me.

I say let someone else have them--who cares??? Let them deal with it...as far as now finding out about his cheating--that is hard to take--so you know you must havetsuspected it if he was an A and out all the timehe leaves you now with more humiliation--but don't be ahasmed--everyone probably thinks he is an ass for doing it,,,

You ran out of purple ink, friz...

Lieing and Manipulating go hand in hand with cheating. My AH has been doing the first two so well, it's just a matter of time before he conquers the last. Sorry for the way you found out. My personal opinion is that he isn't doing this to mock you......it's that he is unable to make good choices while drinking/using. These are a temporary "feel good" moments for them because they hate themselves so much, they are always looking for someone to make them feel better. Not that it makes it right, or makes it hurt any less, but it's just part of their behavior, and completely unacceptable.

I don't know by your post if you are still with AH or not ? To me, this is a deal breaker, and I would be looking for a way out.

we have been separated for one and a half years. i am emotionally ready to divorce, i think he is too. i have a new sweet friend, who knows my pain. the relationships and parenting forum has had a lot of really good stuff in it which has helped me get through this process. thanks for all your ESH!