WantsOut

So exAH's criminal case was put off until next month. After seeing the judge deal with him and other cases, I think he's going to manage to avoid jail but have to deal with a very long and strict probation.

I hadn't seen him or talked to him in a couple of weeks when I picked him up to take him to court. I tried hard to be supportive but I got kind of angry and mean at one point. His lawyer is talking to him and he isn't absorbing a word so finally I'm like, "It's NOT a felony? Aren't you even listening?" After he said hes scared and please don't jerk him around like that. I know it was mean but he's always like this - an infant. Can't understand anything, can't follow, wants someone else to understand it all for him.

I also found out that while they did not charge him with it, the police in the report say he tried to flee the scene of the fender bender he caused while dwi. He kept mitigating it, and I know that the cops do exaggerate in these situations, but in this case I believe them. That must be why they punched him in the face.

I got so angry even just seeing him before the judge (my husband is a defendant!!) I had to hold my breath and stare at one spot to keep from crying. After in the hall he asked me what was wrong. All I could say was, "This is all such a shame." It's such a small sentence for such a big loss. All the things we could have done. The life we could have had. All washed away now in a big puddle of beer. It's so sad. It's so infuriating.

He has been trying hard to get back together with me. It's been incomprehensible to me. He's in legal trouble, drowning in debt, can't even drive. He has nothing to offer and yet I get the distinct impression that he thinks I am the bad guy for wanting a divorce. He says things in email like, "So do you mean you can never love me again?" They used to get to me but now they make me mad. He's ten years older than I am and I wonder if our entire relationship has been more manipulation than I realized.

So some days I wake up and I feel really good - I mean really good. Like today it's rainy and I don't have to be anywhere and I slept curled up with my kitty cat. Then I have moments of darkness - I know he's having a hard time with no car, trying to hang on to his job, etc. I know I'm really mean and pretty cruel.

I'm pretty sure my next move is to put the house on the market in April. It's time to start anew.

criss-cross

Your not being mean or cruel.
This is his deal - not yours.

I wouldn't have gone to court with him.
I didn't recently with my AH. He found someone else to take him.

If he can't understand it - let the lawyers deal with him.

Don't set yourself up to feel this way.
Your in control of how you feel. If you think it will upset you - don't go.

Hugs!
I've been there too.
Animals (cats) are great stress relievers!

loveon2legs

Your are not being cruel, you are taking care of yourself, and good for you..... I felt guilty for turning my AH in for drunk driving, but I know it was a good thing, they manipulate and try to control because they are full of fear.. think of it as drowning person, they will try to pull you down, trying to help themselves.. (unintentionally in the drowning persons case)

Big hugs,
LL2

dobiediva

Hang in there WO. You're doing great Isn't it funny how words and manipulations that used to bring us running back to them now make us realize just how sad and pathetic these guys really are? Maybe that's to remind us how far we've come. You're getting stronger. Keep going!!

Sunflower

you are not mean and cruel--if you were you wouldn't be worrying about him and giving him a ride to court..(whats up with that?)It is sad-but there is hope as well-who knows--in the meantime you need to get on with YOUR life...I know that court feeling very well--when they brought my AS out in shackles-I swear it took 10 years off my life--I thought I was gonna passout. We see what could have been and are confronted with what REALLY is happening--he probably an't see anything yet-if ever...good luck to you