free2be

AH's cell phone bill came today... I tried. I wanted to forward it to him without opening it.... I couldn't resist and I caved. I wanted to know who he was talking to on the nights that he did not come home. Maybe, he had a girlfriend or something. Most calls were myself, my daughter and his family. The last 2 weeks there were several calls to and from a friend of his (he is actually my daughter's godfather) and the calls were like 20-50 minutes each. As families we used to be very close. His friend's wife and I used to laugh that they acted like a couple. His friend moved to another state and we lost daily touch. We see them 1-2 times a year. Polite Christmas Cards etc.......
So, of course, I couldn't leave well enough alone and I went online to archive cell phone bills for the past 3-4 months. If there was a total of 3 calls to and from this friend, totalling in all 10-15 minutes from Oct.- Dec. that's a lot. So, obviously his friend knows a lot of what is going on with him. I want to know if AH is in some sort of trouble. If AH is o.k. If AH has told him why he chose to just walk out. Should I call his friend? or maybe his wife? Or would I be humliating myself once again?

FormerDoormat

Put down the phone bill and step away from the phone. See how snooping has your head and stomach tied up in knots? Snooping never resolves anything. It just keeps us codies sick.

Have you given Alanon a try yet? If not, this might be a good time. It will help clear your head and bring you some peace. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

denny57

Call the cell phone company and have the address on it changed. Pull up the website where you checked it and ask a friend to change the password to access the old records and never tell you.

hope2bhappy

Yes, you would.

You KNOW you should not be doing this... it's clear by your post. You completely recognize you are doing something that is not good for you. THIS is real progress! Now stop it.

In the early days of living with the disease, I did some reeeeeeally stupid things. I eventually learned not to go looking for trouble, unless I wanted to find it.

mallowcup

Well, for starters , it's a Federal offense. Second, acting on anything in it proves you read it. Third, how does this benefit your recovery?

elizabeth1979

Well if you call getting back into a spin over something resolution, Id say it resolved a heck of alot for me!

Short answer..NO.
Get on with getting on. You are either busy living or busy dying..which do you want to do ?

embraced2000

i've done the same thing, free, and much worse. i was really, really good at keeping myself miserable by doing all this stuff.

but on the other hand, i do so totally understand that we do this....snoop, that is. i snooped till i couldn't stand what the results of that snooping caused me any longer.....am i making sense???

Cynay

Makes sense to me.

I did the snoop thing, but much worse then that. OMG the plans I had in my head to get back at him for all the hurt he put me though....

I never acted on them but by snooping and making my plans it keep me in the pits for months on end.

Let it go hon, when you snoop and keep yourself caught up on there life, there is no way to heal and move on with yours. The reason the relationship ended is to have a life, why spend it caught up in his.

Astro

I'd get up in the middle of the night to check my ex's cell phone, see who she was calling, check for messages, *69 on the home phone sometimes. If anything really upset me I'd break her cell phone in an alcoholic fit of rage, then lie about it if she asked me how it happened. OMG what a nutcase I was.

All that it accomplished was to feel hurt even more and push her further away from me. She knew exactly what I was doing. Wish I would've dropped it sooner or not done it at all. Let it go if you can, and move on with your life. You're certainly not going to change his.

appleblaster

Free, we trick ourselves into thinking we will find answers in those cel phone bills but all we'll find are more questions.

I did the same thing as all of you.....snooping. When my xabf found out about it he was astonished and could not believe I did it. By that time it did not matter to me anymore what he thought of me. But looking back, I see how terribly trapping it is to snoop in any way.

I told a girlfriend of mine how I had been snooping and she said "if you have to check up on him like that then you shouldn't be dating him....period." Looking back, I see how right she was. I was choosing to stay in that trap and so are you darlin.

Let it go.......

free2be

Thanks for the reality check. I just don't want him to feel that he one up'd me or that he is slick. I know it really doesn't matter. I quess old habits really do die hard.

I will forward the bill and change the address. Not worth it. Today, I thought about it all day. Would rather not know anything at all.

but... when I was online, one of the menu options was to change the voicemail password. I know his and it would be so easy to do. I would only change it every few days or so... It would be really fun, lol... O.K., I know. just a thought.

Astro

Oh I'll even give you a mischevious giggle for that one!

Mr. Christian

I guess the biggest thing you have to come to grips with is : IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSNESS!

After that all else is easy.

mallowcup

Well put Mr. Christian and so true.