denny57

I know this topic has been discussed many times and for the most part I agree. Sometimes, though, if someone isn't aware they are not safe, whether due to low self esteem, self worth, or some other reason, what is gained in Al-Anon and therapy can help with the realization domestic violence is, in fact, happening. Many times we hear it was "only the one time."

((()))

chero

I guess everybody thought that after the first time, huh? Everybody started with a first time.
But, I'm still here. I haven't left. I don't know if I am leaving. I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I don't know what to do for sure. I'm starting small I guess--trying to figure out who I am and I want and where I went. I just don't want to wake up one day and be this old pitiful lady who never did anything she wanted.
For me, coming to the realization that it's okay to do that--live for me, has been huge. Learning from you guys that if my AH does something stupid/bad because he was drinking and I was here to stop him that doesn't make it my fault.
It sounds crazy but that is such an eye opener for me! Maybe by letting go of him, I'm grabbing hold of myself!?!??! Happiness is out there..I just know it is!

THE KING

Chero I am going to ask you this question and hopefully the answer will help you make a decsion (if you havent already)

simply put do you fear for your life?

if you do LEAVE cause if you dont one of you (that being YOU) is going to end up DEAD I dont want that to happen and while I cant speak for anyone but myself I am going to assume no one els does either, yourself included

so please do the right thing and LEAVE

chero

I don't fear for my life. It was one time and I'm not fearful in that way. Maybe it is wishful thinking?? I don't know. The abuse is what made me make the first step and start posting on here and I've learned so much in that short time and maybe I'll know enough to get out if the situation arises again-which I'm not fearful of.
I feel like I'm disappointing everyone on here by staying but I'm just not ready to go.

denny57

Not me, chero. I agree, if you feel you're in danger, get out NOW. Our stories may not be the same, but I well remember the time I "knew" I should leave yet I stayed. You will get where you are supposed to be in your own time. But stay safe - the minute you feel you are in danger - leave.

resentful wife

I doubt that any one here will be disapointed if you stay.The most wonderful thing about this board is that everyone shares their stories their hurts their inner most thoughts and then they OFFER soultions but never ultimatums. My AH is never abusive to me we don't even fight, but hes drunk every night and weekend.The abuse that I get is in we never go anywhere or do anything, I can't make plans because he will either be sick or make excuses to not leave the house. Friends have stopped coming over and he won't except invites from them to go any where. The Honey Do List has become the Honey Do-it YOURSELF list because of waiting for him to get to it when he finishes his beer. I joined here after lurking and reading and then deciding that I deserve so much more and I'm worth so much more. I don't plan on leaving my AH but I do plan on putting me first. Its time for him to keep up with me now.

DesertEyes

Hey there chero,

Happiness _is_ out there, happiness and a whole lot more.

And no, you are not disapointing anybody here. Every last one of us is here because we were each stuck in our situation. None of us did the right thing at the right time, until we started our own path to recovery. You have started your own path, chero, the day you started posting here.

Mike

splendra

((((chero))))

Forgive me if I repeat something someone else has said I want to answer the question in the title of your post....

For me to let go I have to have my own personal boundries in place. My boundries are for my protection. If I am minding my own business and doing what is best for me I feel much better. I know I cannot control the addicts in my life the only one I can control is myself. All the addicts in my life know that they cannot do dope or drink at my house I know that this will not keep them from doing these things but it will keep the cr@p off of my kitchen table. It has been very difficult for me to get this boundry in place with my H. He thought I was trying to make him quit using. HA! I know that is not possible for me to make him quit. I just don't want to be around it plain and simple.

Finally, I believe I have been heard and everyone is sure that I mean no dope or alcohol in my house. I still hide the keys to my car and my money is kept away from my house.

Abuse is not acceptable either and if it were to happen in the case of phyiscal violence I would dial 911 in a heart beat and my H is very clear about that as for emotional abuse when and if it starts I just walk away or leave the house...