Well I saw him today.

Old 02-25-2007, 05:53 PM
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Unhappy Well I saw him today.

Picked up his son. Went to my son's bday party. had a blast. Then I took his son to A's sister's house where they were having a bday party for A. I went in for a bit to see his family and say hi. He asked if I wanted some cake or to sit down and I told him no. I wouldn't be staying. I stayed for about 20 minutes to catch up with his sister a little bit, and then left with his mom and grandma. When we got out to the car his mom gave me a hug and said "I am so happy to see you. I was so sad when A told me he broke up with you." I had to stop the laughter from coming out. She then said "I know you broke up with him" (she must've seen the smirk) "I told him he needs to do whatever he needs to do to get you back because I really like you". She asked if he was drinking again and I told her yes. He was getting worse. She looked sad. I didn't tell her about the violent episode from a couple weeks ago. Didn't think it really mattered at that point. She knows I need to let him go and she agrees. What a waste.

So I get home and he sends me a text message wondering why I ignored him and if I wanted some company tonight. I told him no and no. I wasn't ignoring him. I just didn't stay at his birthday party. What's the point in dragging this whole thing out? And why give his family (and him) false hope? I felt bad tho'. He looked good, but sad. Now I need to go reread the posts of "that night" and remember the fear and the anger. ARGH!
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Old 02-25-2007, 06:32 PM
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Glad the party was a success and that you were able to come up with a plan for his son to be at the party. Also glad you got to visit with his family members who it sounds like you are still on good and friendly terms. As for seeing him, I can relate. Through a series of events, my exAH had dinner here tonight with my daughter (home from college) and me. I was in kinda a mess after he left (usual;the dinner itself was nice) but have pulled myself together pretty much. Coming here helps me shift gears faster...hope your evening is peaceful.
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Old 02-25-2007, 06:42 PM
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hey dobie

i'm proud of you for being strong girl!!! i know it had to be hard. i laughed out loud too when i read the "he broke up with you" typical.
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Old 02-25-2007, 06:56 PM
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Yup, Dobie, go read those older posts. It's great that we can go back and see where we've been and where we're not going again. (((DD)))
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Old 02-25-2007, 06:57 PM
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amen to moving on

"So I get home and he sends me a text message wondering why I ignored him and if I wanted some company tonight.

Now I need to go reread the posts of "that night" and remember the fear and the anger."

I heard the "I promise I'll go tomorrow" line regarding AA all day yesterday. I didn't fall for it. Today he called me. He wanted to know if I wanted to get a bite to eat. I said I would love to go out for dinner after he went to a meeting. He knows I won't even consider going home until he attends a meeting, so his response was "Well, you don't have to come home tonight. I just meant we could go to dinner." Funny how he interprets me telling him "I won't consider coming home until you go to a meeting" as "we can hang-out, go to dinner, see a movie, etc. and you can avoid meetings and keep drinking. You can do whatever, I'm just going to stay at my mom's for a while".

<my eyes are rolling right now>

stay strong, stick to your guns, and look forward to a life where you aren't a prisoner of alcohol.
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Old 02-25-2007, 07:13 PM
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Thank you guys this place sure keeps me grounded! Where would I be without all of you? Probably with HIM!
Funny how I can still miss him after everything that has happened. But at least it doesn't hurt as badly as it used to. And I noticed that I don't miss him if he isn't in front of me now (which is HUGE progress for me!) I don't miss the snoring. I don't miss the 3am booty calls. I don't miss the unpredictable behavior. Don't miss the lies and the broken promises. In fact, I don't miss MORE than I miss. But times like today still break my heart and remind me I still have a ways to go before I will truly let HIM go completely so I can move on.

And Golden--YOU stay strong too!!! I admire your strength in this so far. Good for you! If I would've stuck to my guns the first million times I never would've had to endure the horrible night that finally ended it all for me. But then again I guess that's what I needed to get a true picture of what I was up against. Hopefully you'll get out way before you need to see that side of YOUR man
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Old 02-25-2007, 08:17 PM
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Dobie, I'm glad to hear that things went as well as well as they did. BUT...I have to ask.....why in the world would you take that opportunity (HIS Birthday party!) to go inside and mingle/catch up with his family?
I don't mean to sound rude, but I read your post and all I could think was "What was she thinking?!?!"
Ya know dobie - I get the whole missing him thing and all and how you really are feeling better right now, but take it from someone who has been there - the more you keep sticking your hand in that boiling water, it's still going to hurt! And today, my girl, you stuck your hand in the boiling water. and it's still hot, isn't it?
I hope you sleep well tonight Dobie. I know that for me, having contact with my XAH - even if it's just in seeing him - can set me back much further than I wish it did.
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Old 02-25-2007, 08:31 PM
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I didn't know they were having a party for him (his birthday was last Friday). I was told to take his son there after my son's party because that is where he was going to be. (he usually spends the weekends he has his son at his sisters because his niece is the same age as his son and his son is bored at his house) His sister lives in a condo so I had to park in the guest lot and walk his son to the door. I didn't even know the rest of his family was there (the guest lot is up a ways from her condo and I wouldn't recognize their cars) She invited me in so I went in to say hi. It wasn't an intentional "party crashing"
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Old 02-25-2007, 08:32 PM
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dobie-
looking forward to the day when I can read my old posts and be reminded of what happened.
I can't even imagine wanting to revisit and reread old posts. right now I feel like it would be pouring salt in the wound. offers a great deal of hope to a newcommer like me. WOW.
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Old 02-25-2007, 08:44 PM
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Those old posts sure give me a kick in the butt when I need one. I've taken that man back soooooooo many times. I can see his progression in my posts. And the posts aren't even the half of it!! Just what I am willing to confess! I always thought he was getting better and actually "trying this time". Then--the NEXT post-- ANGER and frustration at yet another lie! Funny if you see the timing between them-- the "on again/off again" pattern and how every time I took him back things got a little bit worse with each drinking episode. I am kind of thankful he got violent or I'd be with him right now. It took that night to FINALLY wake me up. And rereading that ONE post keeps me from taking him back yet again and potentially saves my life every time!
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Old 02-25-2007, 10:20 PM
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funny isn't it

Its funny what it takes to essentially wake up and be honest with yourself about the situation. For you, it was an angry and violent episode. My AB never drank around me; not since agreeing to attend AA last year (which I've mentioned was not consistent attendance). He would wait til I went to sleep or drink at friends' houses (some friends, huh?). Last Sunday, he came home from a friend's, and it was clear he was drunk. I had seen it before. In fact, I had decided I was going to give him an ultimadum when he sobered up. Then it happened...he got his car keys. I told him he shouldn't drive. He told me he just needed to get something out of his car. I waited inside. He came back in, and plopped down a 12 pack. Right in front of me. I lost it. I grabbed my bag, my dog, and some clothes, and left.

Honestly, if he hadn't brought in that 12 pack, I probably wouldn't have left. To me it was the clearest cross road I had ever been at. As if letting him drink in front of me was a point of no return. I could either let him take me one more step into his alcoholic world, or I could take a step into my own non-alcoholic world.
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Old 02-25-2007, 10:24 PM
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You handled everything so well--hard when you care about his family as well--they know believe me..I can't believe he called you that night--boy these guys are a real treat...don't take phone calls or messages from him anymore--block him out of everything-SAVE YOURSELF!!!
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